found on Craigslist
Wondering what that humanities Ph.D. is good for? Well, this Craigslist poster explains it all...
(Yes, I found this on Craigslist. No, I didn't write it. But I did nominate it for best-of-craigslist.)
Recent Ph.D. for Hire (Manhattan, Queens, Brooklyn)
Have you ever wondered which translation of a Kafka novel to purchase? Has your interest in continental philosophy been put on hold because you simply do not know where to start? Have you stood in the classical music section of your favorite record store flummoxed by the differences between the multiple recordings available for a single composition? Or have you simply just wondered about the historical and technical matters of your Chateaubriand? A RECENT PH.D. GRADUATE CAN HELP WITH ALL THESE MATTERS AND MORE!!!!
Yes folks, a recent Ph.D. graduate can help with all of the above problems and much, MUCH, more. Just as an example, a recent Ph.D. graduate can:
• Inform you of which art shows you should go see.
• Make travel arrangements
• Help you learn about the history of the exotic country you are about to visit.
• Let you know what the best seats are at Avery Fisher hall, Carnegie and the Metropolitan Opera.
• Help you decide what to give your spouse for anniversaries and birthdays.
• Teach you how to explain the difference between the Romantic and Modern eras.
• Condense the main ideas of Heidegger or Sartre into a language appropriate for polite cocktail conversation.
In fact, a recent Ph.D. graduate is so indispensable you will wonder how you ever lived without one! As an added bonus, this particular recent Ph.D. graduate also comes with an Advanced Graduate Certificate in Art and Philosophy! You will get a recent Ph.D. graduate WITH an Advanced Graduate Certificate in Art and Philosophy AT NO ADDITIONAL COST!!! It is like having two people for the price of one!
If you act within the next 10 days you will receive a custom made humanities tutorial made by the Ph.D. HIMSELF. This tutorial will be tailored to your interests and will serve as a useful reference for when the actual Ph.D. graduate is doing research, composing music or sleeping. You will also receive certificates attesting to the authenticity of the degrees received. You will never be left in the dark again! Don’t be fooled by imitations. Act now! Supplies are extremely limited!