(no subject)
Ten Times To Keep Your Lips Zipped Around Him:
10 - The time you come home from a trip to find he's cleaned your apartment as a surprise... but realize he's thrown out your collection of spring catalogs, used your expensive soap to scrub the toilet, and taken his electric razor to the cat thinking it would help your allergies.
9 - While he's whimpering and curled up in the fetal position after eating a plate of "Satan's Ass" hot wings, despite your warnings.
8 - During his teary eyed viewing of "Field Of Dreams."
7 - After he has seperated his shoulder by attempting to dunk a basketball despite being a five foot nine econ major with all the muscle tone of David Spade.
6 - When you first meet his oldest and dearest childhood friend and the guy's a pimply, dorky cretin with the charm of an IRS auditor.
5 - Five little words: Recliner. Tostitos. "James Bond" marathon.
4 - When, in a fit of childlike excitement during the baseball season opener, he launches into a 45 minute lecture informing you of the immorality of the designated hitter.
3 - The time you spy his credt card bill and discover that the questionable lingerie he gave you recently, red lace with nipple holes, cost him almost a week's salary.
2 - While he's telling a cop that the reason he was doing 85 is that he's on his way to the hospital because "my, uh, wife here is sick... it's either pregnancy or rabies."
1 - When, after helping your friend move a couch up six flights of stairs, he comes home smelling like a Parisian in August but claims he's too fatigued to shower.
10 - The time you come home from a trip to find he's cleaned your apartment as a surprise... but realize he's thrown out your collection of spring catalogs, used your expensive soap to scrub the toilet, and taken his electric razor to the cat thinking it would help your allergies.
9 - While he's whimpering and curled up in the fetal position after eating a plate of "Satan's Ass" hot wings, despite your warnings.
8 - During his teary eyed viewing of "Field Of Dreams."
7 - After he has seperated his shoulder by attempting to dunk a basketball despite being a five foot nine econ major with all the muscle tone of David Spade.
6 - When you first meet his oldest and dearest childhood friend and the guy's a pimply, dorky cretin with the charm of an IRS auditor.
5 - Five little words: Recliner. Tostitos. "James Bond" marathon.
4 - When, in a fit of childlike excitement during the baseball season opener, he launches into a 45 minute lecture informing you of the immorality of the designated hitter.
3 - The time you spy his credt card bill and discover that the questionable lingerie he gave you recently, red lace with nipple holes, cost him almost a week's salary.
2 - While he's telling a cop that the reason he was doing 85 is that he's on his way to the hospital because "my, uh, wife here is sick... it's either pregnancy or rabies."
1 - When, after helping your friend move a couch up six flights of stairs, he comes home smelling like a Parisian in August but claims he's too fatigued to shower.