A letter to my abusers
This is to all three of you.
Why?
All I ask is for an explanation in your actions. Is that too much to ask? Probably won’t serve any purpose, maybe you don’t know either.
I have been told that the abused can turn into abusers, this I will not accept, and I would never put my children through the torment that I have suffered at the hands of people like you.
Did you have any idea of the pain and suffering this would cause? Even 22 years later, it never goes away!
Did I deserve this? Believe me I ask myself this question everyday. I know deep down I never asked for any of this…I was a child for fuck sake.
Do you carry with you any guilt? ‘Cos believe me I carry with me every hour of everyday, the actions you decided to take against me.
You not only screwed up my childhood; you have screwed up my adulthood. I will recover from this, eventually, because I am stronger than all of you put together.
Were you as big and clever as you thought you were? NO…if you were you wouldn’t have panicked so badly a few years back when I bought this all up…Well this time I refuse to ‘put it to the back of my mind’…why should I? You tell me?
Should I keep this locked away because of the pain and suffering it may cause? Should the rest of the family be informed of your actions? To be quite frank, right now I don’t give a fuck…I am suffering while you are happily thinking ‘she won’t tell’…don’t count on that.
Do I want to yell from the rooftops…NO! I have finally started to ‘open up’ to my therapist. All I can say is good luck to all of you, when the time finally comes for me to completely let go of the past, and get on with the rest of my life, It’s doubtful that you will be a part of it by then.
I have no idea when that will be… 2 of you have admitted your actions, one of you paid the price, according to the legal system anyway, wasn’t my idea of punishment. Personally I would have had you hung, drawn and quartered,
I have written proof from the other one, remember the letter you sent me 10 years ago? The one you asked me to destroy…well here’s what I have to say to you…” you think I am crazy?”
One last thing… I will no longer suffer this in silence.
Why?
All I ask is for an explanation in your actions. Is that too much to ask? Probably won’t serve any purpose, maybe you don’t know either.
I have been told that the abused can turn into abusers, this I will not accept, and I would never put my children through the torment that I have suffered at the hands of people like you.
Did you have any idea of the pain and suffering this would cause? Even 22 years later, it never goes away!
Did I deserve this? Believe me I ask myself this question everyday. I know deep down I never asked for any of this…I was a child for fuck sake.
Do you carry with you any guilt? ‘Cos believe me I carry with me every hour of everyday, the actions you decided to take against me.
You not only screwed up my childhood; you have screwed up my adulthood. I will recover from this, eventually, because I am stronger than all of you put together.
Were you as big and clever as you thought you were? NO…if you were you wouldn’t have panicked so badly a few years back when I bought this all up…Well this time I refuse to ‘put it to the back of my mind’…why should I? You tell me?
Should I keep this locked away because of the pain and suffering it may cause? Should the rest of the family be informed of your actions? To be quite frank, right now I don’t give a fuck…I am suffering while you are happily thinking ‘she won’t tell’…don’t count on that.
Do I want to yell from the rooftops…NO! I have finally started to ‘open up’ to my therapist. All I can say is good luck to all of you, when the time finally comes for me to completely let go of the past, and get on with the rest of my life, It’s doubtful that you will be a part of it by then.
I have no idea when that will be… 2 of you have admitted your actions, one of you paid the price, according to the legal system anyway, wasn’t my idea of punishment. Personally I would have had you hung, drawn and quartered,
I have written proof from the other one, remember the letter you sent me 10 years ago? The one you asked me to destroy…well here’s what I have to say to you…” you think I am crazy?”
One last thing… I will no longer suffer this in silence.