(no subject)
it's been quite some time since I posted anything.
Too long perhaps.
I have grown. In a way which is a bit distasteful for my own liking.
I am changing that.
I have realized I have serious trust issues. and commitment ones.
I have feelings and longings but once I am in a relationship I freak out.
trying to fix that.
hurt a boy.
a boy hurt me. (not the same)
I don't know where I am. that's kind of life though. Never know exactly who we are and where we are going.
it's terrible.
I got scared. things were moving too fast.
he loved me. I broke his heart.
not because I wanted to. not because anything was wrong.
I don't even know why.
I kick myself now.
now he's moving on. but now I'm stuck.
who do I love?
so many possibilities.
hell love is just a word. I have never experienced the real thing.
someday I hope I will.
i thought that guys thought something was wrong with me.
not true.
I close myself off so guys THINK there is something wrong with me.
I feel so possesive. greedy. I want, I want, I want.
apparently I want too much in some people's opinions.
in others I am to selfless.
I may never know.
some things are coming full circle.
my life is only "tragically ironic" because I let it be.
somethings I can't stop. others I can.
I need to stop thinking that everyone on the planet is better then me.
because they aren't. not to sound cocky but I am better then people in certain aspects, just as they are better then me.
in general we aren't better then anyone. specific aspects we can be.
I need to stop letting myself get so down. I can help it. I really can. I am just choosing not.
People do care about me. Just because when I am stuck without plans and people can't hang, doesn't mean they don't care.
I realize that.
have to strive to make the best of things.things may never end the way we want them to. they probably won't. we just have to keep on going, knowing tomorrow has the possibility of being brighter, and we have to let it be.
tbc...time for work.
Too long perhaps.
I have grown. In a way which is a bit distasteful for my own liking.
I am changing that.
I have realized I have serious trust issues. and commitment ones.
I have feelings and longings but once I am in a relationship I freak out.
trying to fix that.
hurt a boy.
a boy hurt me. (not the same)
I don't know where I am. that's kind of life though. Never know exactly who we are and where we are going.
it's terrible.
I got scared. things were moving too fast.
he loved me. I broke his heart.
not because I wanted to. not because anything was wrong.
I don't even know why.
I kick myself now.
now he's moving on. but now I'm stuck.
who do I love?
so many possibilities.
hell love is just a word. I have never experienced the real thing.
someday I hope I will.
i thought that guys thought something was wrong with me.
not true.
I close myself off so guys THINK there is something wrong with me.
I feel so possesive. greedy. I want, I want, I want.
apparently I want too much in some people's opinions.
in others I am to selfless.
I may never know.
some things are coming full circle.
my life is only "tragically ironic" because I let it be.
somethings I can't stop. others I can.
I need to stop thinking that everyone on the planet is better then me.
because they aren't. not to sound cocky but I am better then people in certain aspects, just as they are better then me.
in general we aren't better then anyone. specific aspects we can be.
I need to stop letting myself get so down. I can help it. I really can. I am just choosing not.
People do care about me. Just because when I am stuck without plans and people can't hang, doesn't mean they don't care.
I realize that.
have to strive to make the best of things.things may never end the way we want them to. they probably won't. we just have to keep on going, knowing tomorrow has the possibility of being brighter, and we have to let it be.
tbc...time for work.