(no subject)
i have to say that i am sorry, that i am more sorry now than i ever have been before in my life, and i am afraid. I dont know how i got here, how i became this person, im forgetting that life so fast it doesnt feel real. Like none of it happened, but it did i see the effects of it all around me and simply cant get past how much i gave up. how exactly does someone give up so much of themselves that they no longer know who they are when they look in the mirror? I dont know but thats what ive done. i cant trust what i feel anymore, i question everything i think everything i do and i just feel haunted all the time. Like im waiting for the bottom to drop out, and i kno that its because it has SO MANY TIMES. i hate that this is what i learned from the years i spent with dan, this fear. I dont want to be this person anymore i want to be the girl who wrote the entries i reread from here today. I kno that i need the life lessons i learned from those experiences, but i simply ache for wishing it simply didnt happen. I simply wish i could change the way i lived my life from the day of the car accident on. Or close to then ne way. i dont kno how to let it go, to trust, to move forward. I feel stuck, frozen, paralized by this god damn fear.