Sirius found that the more and more time stretched on, the more and more irritated he became. Even at small things, like other students in his way as he tried to exit the Great Hall that evening. How long had it all gone on? Stupid stubborn Evans. Stupid messed up James. Stupid him, for causing the whole mess. Once in the Entrance Hall, Sirius breathed a sigh of relief as the crowd dispersed slightly and he made his way across the large foyer
( ... )
Lily heard a decidedly male voice calling her name, and she was pretty sure she knew who it was. Chancing a glance behind her, her suspicions were confirmed: Sirius Black was darting in her direction, probably in another attempt to force her into an unwanted conversation. Pretending not to hear him, Lily started walking faster towards the huge Marble Staircase at a pace that resembled a jog, realizing that speeding up had probably given her away, but not thinking about it at the moment when there were more important things, like escape, on her mind.
Almost floored by the girl's reaction, Sirius concluded that the only way this was going to happen, that he was going to talk to her and she would stop being so bloody stubborn, was if Evans didn't keep ignoring him, but he reasoned that it would be difficult to get her to stop. Because she was ignoring him.
He growled a bit and made his way towards her, trying to figure out something to get her attention. "We have to talk," he said casually enough once he finally was by her side, sliding his hands into his pockets and pretending to have an air of tranquility. "As soon as possible."
Lily made another attempt to quicken her pace and escape him, but it was a losing battle. The boy had much longer legs than she did, and she might as well give up now. "I can't imagine what we'd talk about," Lily replied coldly, staring at the books under her arm and not at the boy who was following her. She'd liked Sirius once. Trusted him once. Hell, she'd dated him once, which James was probably still unaware of. But ever since she found out that James had been sleeping with him while he was seeing her... well, needless to say, their relationship had deteriorated considerably.
Keeping a quick pace despite knowing that the girl beside him kept wanting to move faster and faster just to avoid him, Sirius was firm in his actions, and would not let her win and get away from him. Not when he needed to talk to her.
"Oh, I've got a pretty good idea," he said irritably. "And you would too if you stopped being so stubborn." Taking it upon himself once they were up the main flight of stairs, Sirius risked a slap to the face and, holding onto Lily's arm lightly, diverted her down a corridor swiftly. "You have to listen this time," he instructed, simply just wanting a place to speak to her, instead of in front of everyone else, and he hoped she wouldn't take it the wrong way.
Lily couldn't help but be surprised when the boy took hold of her arm, rather uncomfortable with the physical contact considering how irrated he sounded. "Let go of my arm," Lily started calmly, looking up into Sirius' eyes with an expression of defiance. "If you want to talk me into taking James back after what he did, you're wasting your time and mine. The former, obviously, is your problem, but waste your time without me. Go find your boyfriend, why don't you?"
Instantly, Sirius obeyed Lily and let go of her, not because she asked and was nice about it, but more because he was terrified of her at some points and since she was a very capable witch he didn't wish to piss her off too much.
"It's nothing like that," he said, trying to keep his voice away from a growl. Sirius could not lose paitence with her, she had to understand. "Besides, he won't talk to anyone. He won't talk to me at all anymore, for the obvious reasons," he spat
"I can't imagine why he wouldn't want to talk to you anymore, actually. Should know it's his own bloody fault he cheated. Certainly had a choice, didn't he?" Lily replied, crossing her arms over her chest and giving Sirius a rather disdainful look. "But if it's not about James, then what is it about? You want another go?" she spat sarcastically.
"Oh, I can," Sirius snapped. "Says he wants to atone for what he's done wrong. Be a good bloke." Sirius held up air-quotes and made a face. "Which means acting like nothing's ever happened besides.." Sirius trailed off and then realized that he had said too much. Bugger! Cringing, he shook his head and stopped. He needed to choose the right words. But why was it so bloody difficult?
Sirius ran a hand through his hair. "Damn it, Evans!" he groaned exasperatedly, "I'm trying to apologize! Stop making it so hard!"
Lily gave Sirius a quizzical look, raising an eyebrow and biting her lip, "Acting like nothing's ever happened besides what?" She asked, ignoring his outburst for the moment and tapping her foot impatiently against the stone floor, anticipating an answer.
"There, you apologized. Sort of. Are you done? Because I have some things I really should be doing upstairs. Head girl, you know. Lots of work to be done. You know, work. It's what I was doing while you were doing my boyfriend," she said in one breath, looking past his eyes.
Sirius shrugged and refused to answer, instead looking at the floor near his feet. It wasn't any of her business. Even though it sort of was. "Nevermind that," he said shortly while attempting to keep his calm in front of the stubborn redhead.
"No!" Sirius growled. "Fuck what you have to do." His head snapped up, looking at Lily fiercly. "Look. This is my fault, and I'm trying to make you understand that. If you must do anything, if you must be pissed at one, be pissed at me and for the love of Merlin, at least talk to James, oh, I dunno, eventually." He took a step towards the girl, looking down into her green eyes. "You can't keep being so stubborn forever, can you?" he asked, his expression softening, but only very slightly.
"You know," Lily started, giving the boy a look of utmost exasperation, "Maybe this is why he never takes any responsibiliy for his actions. You know? Nobody makes him. You just blame yourself like it wasn't a choice he made. Like you forcedhim to cheat on me. He did what he did and it's his own damn fault. And I can't imagine one good reason why I'd want to talk to a selfish prat like Potter, especially one who obviously doesn't care about me."
Laughing derisively and ignoring most of what Lily said, Sirius glaced skeptically at her. "Yeah, he doesn't care about you," he said, desperately trying to curb how jealous he was feeling over her, and how bitter he was because she didn't see it. "Never cared, even though out of years of coming to school here, you're the only girl he's ever really loved. Hell, he doesn't even know what it is yet," he said, smirking a bit. "But he does.
"He's gotten you a Christmas present every year, even if he was dating someone else. You should have seen what happened last year, Ami Chang almost killed him." Sirius shrugged lightly, because it wasn't a big deal. "With almost every move he's ever made this year and before, he thought about how you would feel about it before he did it. I had to force him to get involved in a prank we pulled on the Slytherins. He outright refused." Sirius stopped and wondered if it would be all right to continue. Should he have mentioned it to Lily. Would it have made a difference? "Evans, at the beginning of the
( ... )
Lily couldn't quite bring herself to look at Sirius as he spoke, looking instead at her arms, which were crossed over her chest. Okay, so maybe the idea that James didn't care about her was a crazy one, when he put it like that. The boy had been chasing her for years without end, without tiring, and something about it had always been annoying, but something else about it had always seemed flattering in a twisted sort of way. The idea that someone loved her that much who wasn't legally bound to do so was a little dizzying. And he had seemed so upset
( ... )
Letting the silence between them become heavier and heavier, Sirius didn't know what the girl was thinking. Whether or not his words had stung enough, he couldn't be sure, but all he knew was that he had to let her know. Sirius was ready to take complete blame if it made James and Lily feel better.
"It doesn't have to be like that," he said quietly, after some time of exchanging nothing, the din of students going back to their dorms ebbing far away and the pushing silence getting stronger. "You don't have to feel screwed. And he doesn't have to feel so desolate. And I don't have to feel so pissed off at the both of you." Sirius shrugged lightly, considering their options. "Just saying. You can hate me all you want, but don't hate James. He can't help himself."
She looked up at Sirius, giving him a half smile and a sigh, "I just feel like I'm setting myself up to get hurt again," Lily rested her elbow on her knee and her cheek on her hand, "What sort of message does that send, that I love him so much I'd put up with any stupid thing he does, no matter how much he hurts me, just to keep him around?" Biting her lip, she added, more candidly, "Do you think he'd ever do something like that again?"
Reply
Reply
He growled a bit and made his way towards her, trying to figure out something to get her attention. "We have to talk," he said casually enough once he finally was by her side, sliding his hands into his pockets and pretending to have an air of tranquility. "As soon as possible."
Reply
Reply
"Oh, I've got a pretty good idea," he said irritably. "And you would too if you stopped being so stubborn." Taking it upon himself once they were up the main flight of stairs, Sirius risked a slap to the face and, holding onto Lily's arm lightly, diverted her down a corridor swiftly. "You have to listen this time," he instructed, simply just wanting a place to speak to her, instead of in front of everyone else, and he hoped she wouldn't take it the wrong way.
Reply
Reply
"It's nothing like that," he said, trying to keep his voice away from a growl. Sirius could not lose paitence with her, she had to understand. "Besides, he won't talk to anyone. He won't talk to me at all anymore, for the obvious reasons," he spat
Reply
Reply
Sirius ran a hand through his hair. "Damn it, Evans!" he groaned exasperatedly, "I'm trying to apologize! Stop making it so hard!"
Reply
"There, you apologized. Sort of. Are you done? Because I have some things I really should be doing upstairs. Head girl, you know. Lots of work to be done. You know, work. It's what I was doing while you were doing my boyfriend," she said in one breath, looking past his eyes.
Reply
"No!" Sirius growled. "Fuck what you have to do." His head snapped up, looking at Lily fiercly. "Look. This is my fault, and I'm trying to make you understand that. If you must do anything, if you must be pissed at one, be pissed at me and for the love of Merlin, at least talk to James, oh, I dunno, eventually." He took a step towards the girl, looking down into her green eyes. "You can't keep being so stubborn forever, can you?" he asked, his expression softening, but only very slightly.
Reply
Reply
"He's gotten you a Christmas present every year, even if he was dating someone else. You should have seen what happened last year, Ami Chang almost killed him." Sirius shrugged lightly, because it wasn't a big deal. "With almost every move he's ever made this year and before, he thought about how you would feel about it before he did it. I had to force him to get involved in a prank we pulled on the Slytherins. He outright refused." Sirius stopped and wondered if it would be all right to continue. Should he have mentioned it to Lily. Would it have made a difference? "Evans, at the beginning of the ( ... )
Reply
Reply
"It doesn't have to be like that," he said quietly, after some time of exchanging nothing, the din of students going back to their dorms ebbing far away and the pushing silence getting stronger. "You don't have to feel screwed. And he doesn't have to feel so desolate. And I don't have to feel so pissed off at the both of you." Sirius shrugged lightly, considering their options. "Just saying. You can hate me all you want, but don't hate James. He can't help himself."
Reply
Reply
Leave a comment