Funeral Update
Well, like I said before, I had no idea what to do. All emotions aside though, it was totally interesting to get to experience a Japanese funeral (tourist side of me talking). First, let me go through the events and details before I go into my 'feelings'.
So, the first day (Tuesday) I finally got to meet my host mother's younger sister, her husband, and their 2 kids (Nana, who is in year 4 as well as Satoshi, who is only in year 2, both in elementary school). They were extremely nice and welcoming. We all went to my host grandmother's house where people came to 'prepare' my host grandfather's body for the casket. After wards we all headed over to the funeral home where we met his friends, other family members, etc. The first day was mainly filled with prayer and reuniting/meeting everyone.
When everyone left I was surprised to learn from my Host mother's sister that the immediate family stays behind and actually sleepovers at the funeral home. Why? She told me that the inscents (don't know how to spell this) that were on display could never go out, so the family was in charge of staying up all night to make sure it didn't. My host aunt and her husband chose to stay up while everyone else got some sleep (though we all stayed up until well past midnight anyways).
The second day was when the actual funeral ceremony took place. Everyone returned and got ready once more. I forgot to mention that on both days a buddhist monk (4 on the second day) were also there, leading the prayer. After the sutras were finished (led by the Monks again) each of the family members went up and prayed individually (we also did this on the first day). Then close friends and family members placed a flower in his coffin and the men of the family carried his coffin into the funeral car. Everyone said their farewells and my host grandfather's immediate family (including me) got onto a bus that followed the funeral car to where his body would be burned (I learned that everyone does this). We were showed to a waiting room where we all stayed in for roughly an hour then called back in once the cremation was complete. Each member was to use a pair of large chop sticks to pick out bones and leftovers to put in a white jar for my host grandmother. Then after wards we all returned to the funeral house where we ate dinner and left.
Now on to my 'feelings'...my goodness, seeing as I wasn't exactly a blood relative I was left out most of the time. It hurt like you wouldn't believe but I had to keep reminding myself that this was a family member who died and I couldn't feel selfish that way. The whole time too, my host mother and I never talked or uttered a word to each other and now I only worry that we've gone back to the way things were before. Also, I realized that this was the first time I had ever seen a dead body before and it freaked me out more than I thought it would. When I was looking at him I always thought he would just open his eyes and sit up as if he had been sleeping, ya know? I even had to hold back my tears when we all placed flowers in his coffin. My inner thoughts were all a mess during this period because I thought, I wanted to cry to show my support and that I did care for my host grandfather, but I was also worried that if I cried that it would simply look as if I was wanting attention; this was their family, not mine. This was the only constant thought I had all day; this wasn't my family, I wasn't their family member. That feeling hurt me all day long and I had a hard time interacting with everyone.
Overall though, I'm just mad. I'm mad at the fact that I had finally gotten a good/talkative relationship with my host mother and then this happens. I'm not blaming my host grandfather's death at all. In a way I'm mad at who ever is in charge 'up there'; it feels like I'll never get that perfect relationship with my host family, ya know? *sigh*
So, the first day (Tuesday) I finally got to meet my host mother's younger sister, her husband, and their 2 kids (Nana, who is in year 4 as well as Satoshi, who is only in year 2, both in elementary school). They were extremely nice and welcoming. We all went to my host grandmother's house where people came to 'prepare' my host grandfather's body for the casket. After wards we all headed over to the funeral home where we met his friends, other family members, etc. The first day was mainly filled with prayer and reuniting/meeting everyone.
When everyone left I was surprised to learn from my Host mother's sister that the immediate family stays behind and actually sleepovers at the funeral home. Why? She told me that the inscents (don't know how to spell this) that were on display could never go out, so the family was in charge of staying up all night to make sure it didn't. My host aunt and her husband chose to stay up while everyone else got some sleep (though we all stayed up until well past midnight anyways).
The second day was when the actual funeral ceremony took place. Everyone returned and got ready once more. I forgot to mention that on both days a buddhist monk (4 on the second day) were also there, leading the prayer. After the sutras were finished (led by the Monks again) each of the family members went up and prayed individually (we also did this on the first day). Then close friends and family members placed a flower in his coffin and the men of the family carried his coffin into the funeral car. Everyone said their farewells and my host grandfather's immediate family (including me) got onto a bus that followed the funeral car to where his body would be burned (I learned that everyone does this). We were showed to a waiting room where we all stayed in for roughly an hour then called back in once the cremation was complete. Each member was to use a pair of large chop sticks to pick out bones and leftovers to put in a white jar for my host grandmother. Then after wards we all returned to the funeral house where we ate dinner and left.
Now on to my 'feelings'...my goodness, seeing as I wasn't exactly a blood relative I was left out most of the time. It hurt like you wouldn't believe but I had to keep reminding myself that this was a family member who died and I couldn't feel selfish that way. The whole time too, my host mother and I never talked or uttered a word to each other and now I only worry that we've gone back to the way things were before. Also, I realized that this was the first time I had ever seen a dead body before and it freaked me out more than I thought it would. When I was looking at him I always thought he would just open his eyes and sit up as if he had been sleeping, ya know? I even had to hold back my tears when we all placed flowers in his coffin. My inner thoughts were all a mess during this period because I thought, I wanted to cry to show my support and that I did care for my host grandfather, but I was also worried that if I cried that it would simply look as if I was wanting attention; this was their family, not mine. This was the only constant thought I had all day; this wasn't my family, I wasn't their family member. That feeling hurt me all day long and I had a hard time interacting with everyone.
Overall though, I'm just mad. I'm mad at the fact that I had finally gotten a good/talkative relationship with my host mother and then this happens. I'm not blaming my host grandfather's death at all. In a way I'm mad at who ever is in charge 'up there'; it feels like I'll never get that perfect relationship with my host family, ya know? *sigh*