Mother's Day aka Infertility Awareness Day
So it's Mother's Day today. If anyone happened to miss that I am sure there are a few bent cards left at WalMart, but I doubt anyone could miss Mother's Day. It's kind of like any other Hallmark holiday. It just reminds those of us not in that special club how left out we really are. This morning I sat staring at my negative home pregnancy test and I started wondering how many of those things I've used in the past 4 years. I'm pretty sure I should have bought stock in e.p.t.
My husband and I started actively trying to conceive almost 2 years ago. However when we got married the birth control pills went out the window. We've been through 4 IUI's, 1 IVF, 5 cycles of clomid, 1 cycle of femara, a hysterosalpingogram, an endometrial biopsy, a laproscopy, a hysteroscopy, and a cancer scare only to find out that I have a rare antibody that has been screwing up my blood work for years. After all that I still have nothing to show for it except two sharps containers full of needles, a couple of visits to the ER, a nice little scar on my abdomen, %15,000 worth of meds in my fridge right next to the milk, and a broken heart.
The negative home pregnancy test (HPT) today (of all days) just means I get to gear up for my second IVF. For this we will be draining DH's retirement fund and still will have to pay $250 a month for a year. Which wouldn't be so bad if I was still working full time, but I had to go per diem because the treatments make me so sick that I am not able to be reliable at work and would prefer not to be fired.
Infertility is a disease. It's not something serious like ebola or cancer, but in a way the effects are the same. Instead of consuming my body I feeling like it is consuming my soul. Either way I feel like it is killing me. A very wise person once said, "The only thing worse than a poet without words, is a mother without a child." That is what I am... a mother without a child. So Happy Mother's Day to all of you out there with children and also for all of you mothers out there without children.
My husband and I started actively trying to conceive almost 2 years ago. However when we got married the birth control pills went out the window. We've been through 4 IUI's, 1 IVF, 5 cycles of clomid, 1 cycle of femara, a hysterosalpingogram, an endometrial biopsy, a laproscopy, a hysteroscopy, and a cancer scare only to find out that I have a rare antibody that has been screwing up my blood work for years. After all that I still have nothing to show for it except two sharps containers full of needles, a couple of visits to the ER, a nice little scar on my abdomen, %15,000 worth of meds in my fridge right next to the milk, and a broken heart.
The negative home pregnancy test (HPT) today (of all days) just means I get to gear up for my second IVF. For this we will be draining DH's retirement fund and still will have to pay $250 a month for a year. Which wouldn't be so bad if I was still working full time, but I had to go per diem because the treatments make me so sick that I am not able to be reliable at work and would prefer not to be fired.
Infertility is a disease. It's not something serious like ebola or cancer, but in a way the effects are the same. Instead of consuming my body I feeling like it is consuming my soul. Either way I feel like it is killing me. A very wise person once said, "The only thing worse than a poet without words, is a mother without a child." That is what I am... a mother without a child. So Happy Mother's Day to all of you out there with children and also for all of you mothers out there without children.