My turn please?
I honestly don't know how much more of this I can take. When is it going to be my turn? I am not trying to be greedy. I know in my heart that I want more than just one, but right now I would be more than happy even if I were only ever able to have one. This has got to be the worst pain I have ever felt. Third month on clomid: BFN... the chances of it even working now will go down exponentially.
If I am not going to be able to have a baby I just want to know now. It would save me the pain. Even though I tell myself every month that I am not going to get my hopes up... I do. Something about this month just seemed special... My EDD would have been on my birthday, but not just my birthday... the Tuesday after labor day just like my birth. I know that most women don't give birth on their EDD, but it would have been really special.
I just feel like giving up. Every where I turn there is someone pregnant, or a sweet little baby and it breaks my heart... how will I ever mend the pieces. I'm supposed to go to my SIL's house on the 1st of January to help paint her nursery, but I don't know if I can do it. Physically I could, emotionally and psychologically I'll be a wreck.
Everyone keeps telling me what a great mom I'll be...It's very sweet of them, but it hurts. Having people ask when I am going to start a family... it hurts. When people ask why it's taking so long... it hurts. Infertility hurts worse than any pain I have ever felt. I can't think of anything else... do anything else.
I keep saying that I am going to talk to someone about it. Get a counselor or something. The truth is that I don't want to talk to anyone about this. I feel like they wont understand, and those who will understand wont want to talk about it either. I just want this pain to stop. I'm tired of feeling empty.
If I am not going to be able to have a baby I just want to know now. It would save me the pain. Even though I tell myself every month that I am not going to get my hopes up... I do. Something about this month just seemed special... My EDD would have been on my birthday, but not just my birthday... the Tuesday after labor day just like my birth. I know that most women don't give birth on their EDD, but it would have been really special.
I just feel like giving up. Every where I turn there is someone pregnant, or a sweet little baby and it breaks my heart... how will I ever mend the pieces. I'm supposed to go to my SIL's house on the 1st of January to help paint her nursery, but I don't know if I can do it. Physically I could, emotionally and psychologically I'll be a wreck.
Everyone keeps telling me what a great mom I'll be...It's very sweet of them, but it hurts. Having people ask when I am going to start a family... it hurts. When people ask why it's taking so long... it hurts. Infertility hurts worse than any pain I have ever felt. I can't think of anything else... do anything else.
I keep saying that I am going to talk to someone about it. Get a counselor or something. The truth is that I don't want to talk to anyone about this. I feel like they wont understand, and those who will understand wont want to talk about it either. I just want this pain to stop. I'm tired of feeling empty.