(no subject)
so paranoia yea thats what i wanted it to be for fear of what i really was and those that know me know how my gut feelings are and that paranoia was really a gut feeling and i knew it didnt want to believe it didnt want to be alone for new years eve seems im reverting to being 17 again my yearly ritual of being depressed on new years has picked up where it left off seems amanda as my gut told me isnt for me shes hooking up with a new guy from work she told me herself so i didnt find out from peopl at work who kno but i had already kinda known from my gut why has god damned me with a gut that is 99.9% of the time right and i say 99.9 cause the .1% is right its just right in a diffrent form it was right about amanda, about me and chelle, about the other michelle, and about everything the upside to it is its right about good stuff to but i hate knowing before you find out when it comes to bad stuff so where do i go from here maybe ill do what i almost did last time i had this problem and swear off women for a while worked last time right i dunno i still like amanda im hoping we still friends and all i cant let someone that i can have so much fun with go i cant *sigh* deja vu maybe itll be another 18 years no matter what i do i cant get the girl maybe i should become an asshole and forget the codes of chivalry maybe i should start drinkin i know 1 thing next chance i get im gettin wasted (notes the times hes said that b4 and never did it) maybe i should be like these assholes that beat, and cheat and cant get rid of their women i dunno the old ways dont seem to work in this day and age noone talks romantically anymore i said it before i dont belong in this time period dam my past life being a knight dam it all to hell why do i have to be a stargazer why do i have to spend my life in awe of almost everthing why im to into romance how many guys in this day and age would say their idea of a perfect date is a stroll on the beach or a night under the stars even though they exhist tey are few and far between iv yet to be with a girl on the beach or alone in the woods under the stars or watchin the sunset and rise over the ocean when if at all will i have that chance women why do you love assholes that treat you like shit and then you tell everyone they treat you like gold and then when you get a guy who treats you like you are all in teir world like their life depended on you being utterly and safe you tell everyone or mislead everone into thinkin he treats you like shit im tired, bored, deressed, and alone