How it Ends.

[abolicious]

I’m trying to the best of my ability to get through this period of my life without losing myself more so than I have already. Everyday there seems to be another issue that arises that I have to work myself through. And I have been angry… I have been depressed… I have wanted vengeful retaliation… most of all however I have wanted to be ok…just generally ok. Yet the occurrences in which I have found myself struggling through have forced me to apathy and to being a nonbeliever in the aspects of life that have been my fundamentals. I feel my base crumpling below me. I want these things back. I want to pry this grip open to release my mental stability, my humanness, from my keepers without falling into the subhuman level that they can associate themselves with.
I have always been the person that people can run to with their emotions. People could find comfort in me, because even though I don’t understand a many things in this world, one thing that I have always been in tune with is human emotion. This knowledge and the comfort I can provide people keep me alive, but to have to strip myself of this in order to fight my way through the shit cards I have been dealt lately is not something I have ever wanted to battle through. The only thing I can take comfort in is my ability to recognize that I am doing this and therefore will be able to bounce back or try other coping mechanisms. Honestly, I am too proud to let people take me further from myself.