Dirty Birdy
For the last few months I have had nothing in the way of a love life. I think the last time I posted on this subject was when I had a breif thing with Joey at work. Well his dog died. He got really depressed and was not so responsive when I called him. So I gave him some space, and well... he just never called back. We're cool still. It just ended as abruptly as it started. Which I'm not sad about. I like him bt not really that way so much. I was just lonely.
Well I'm back on the train and I mean that in more ways than just figuratively, cause I went from having no, zero, nada, zip, zilch boyfriends to suddenly having two.
They are a couple that have been together for about five years. Ron and Chuck. They are both twenty-six, and have a look about them that say soldier/farm boy. They sometimes have an open relationship. Both my type (not to mention the cutest guys I have even been with), Chuck a little more so than Ron. It's weird but very fun. I'm flying a little blind right now, and I'm a little worried I could be playing with fire. On the other hand I am very familiar with fire. Fire is my friend and I am pretty good about dodging burns. But that's the literal fire not the figurative fire.
It's been a week and Ron already seem very attached to me. Which puts me at a slight lack of ease. Chuck works a lot so I don't get to see him as often. I feel kind of nervous about his feelings. I don't want to tread on any toes, or encourage jealousy... not a problem so far but I wonder how long it will stay that way. I wish i had some more control over the situation but I feel a bit locked down at this point and need to let the chips fall. Ron just gave me a ring, which kinda freaks me out a little. Woah horsey. I don't know if he talked to Chuck about it first or just spontaneously decided I should have one. In any case it seems very very early for a ring of any sort. I don't know or have a gauge of feeling for what that ring means to him or is supposed to represent. It a very nice gesture but I'm uncomfortable wearing it, which I should have told him when he gave it to me. I was just knocked off guard and he gave it to me while he was on his way out. I'll keep it in my pocket. Curious. I'm suppossed to see the both of them tonight and make dinner. I guess I'll bring it up then if they are able to make it over. I just... I said boyfriends earlier. I should have said lovers more accurately. They are both sweet guys and I am deeply attracted to them both but I haven't developed the enough of an emotional invesment yet to seriously mean boyfriends. And I hope they aren't really that serious about me yet either. I'm fairly certain Chuck is not... I don't know about Ron. We'll see what happens. In the mean time I'll be enjoying the attention.