friends. they ARE awesome. even when they suck
michelle
andrea
kory
rob
sara
kates
jessica
beth
random strangers online, lol
the other rob
dave
cody
danny
libby
rachael
beth w. and jec
i just wanna say thank you. like sincerely. i was just reading one of my "self-help" books... "it's called a break-up because it's broken" and there was a section about friends and leaning on them, and when enough is enough, and when to take their opinions and how to deal with the negative things they say about the ex, etc. and like, it made me realize something. i kno a lot of the time i don't always think i have the greatest friends. i kno a lot of the time i feel like my friends are too busy for me and my issues and my stupid broken heart. i kno a lot of the time in the last 2 months i've felt sorry for myself and sad i didn't have that friend that'd come over @ 2 am to eat a gallon of ice cream with me. BUT, when it comes right down to it...
michelle... you worked everynight, all night, sometimes 7 nights a week. you needed sleep, and you had your own issues w/ mike. i'm sorry if i didn't pay more attention to that. you were there thru the dan break-up. if ANYONE knew what to expect this time around it was you. our little "intervention" night helped more than you'll ever kno. we've had some bullshit happen thru-out our friendship, some horrible things happen, etc. but i trust you. i trust your opinions and your knowledge. i kno that the only reason you "get sick" of hearing about kelly, or hearing me cry is because you KNO there is nothing you can do. you've done this what, 5 or 6 times now? dealt w/ your own heartbreak, and you kno that you can listen to me cry and cry and cry and cry, but @ the end of the conversation, there's REALLY nothing you can do. you can't take away my pain. and i kno you hate hearing people cry. thank you for being the kind of friend you kno how to be. even if it's not the "sex and the city, come over and sleep in my bed w/ me, hold me while i cry" kind of friendship, @ least it's real.
andrea... you're in freaking iraq for chrissakes. but you've still been there EVERYNIGHT. you've listened to me over and over and over again. you've read things i've copied and pasted while trying to make myself feel better. you've told me time and time again how amazing i am, and how you kno i deserve better. i love you. we aren't as close as we used to be, but you try, from across the world, to save me still. you even lent me your husband to talk to, lol. to get the "guy" perspective. and you too were dealing w/ your own relationship issues. you offered to take me back to n. carolina with you in june, and get me away from it all. anytime i got mad, thinking you "didn't get it" when you were basically telling me to "get over it" - it wasn't that you were being insensitive or didn't care, it's that you KNEW "getting over it" was the best thing for me and what i deserved. i love the faith and confidence you have in me, because there are a lot of times *i* don't have it in myself, you have noooo idea how much it helps to kno that someone does. even if you're a million miles away. i love you. forever.
kory... so kid :] i've known you what? 2 months? or well, you've been stalking my myspace blogs for the last 2 years? lol. i really never knew that i had some "stranger" on my friends list. i thought i knew everyone. maybe you were there for a reason. it was just WAY sweet for you to randomly message me and tell me that you were sorry for what i was going thru. you didn't kno me, you had no obligation to "be my friend" or feel sorry for me. yet you did. and i waaaay appreciate that. "comparing" w/ you, and your 11 year relationship that ended, really has helped me. everytime i feel "bad" or "sad" or what not, i think about you. you were with your best friend, for THAT long, had 2 kids, and it ended the way it did... it makes me feel kinda shitty for even crying to you @ all about my "situation" -- but you let me anyway, and that says a lot about the kind of person you are. yeah, being in s. bend and working at 5 am every morning doesn't really allow us to hang out much, but i LOVED the basketball game, and the fact that you text me good morning every morning and goodnight every night, even if you are just doing it because you kno he did and still want me to have that. thanks for driving up here in a blizzard to watch the SHITASS SUPERBOWL with me. thanks for being there and accepting my 98,000 "i can't stop crying" texts a day last month. ps: take down those damn titantic posters already would ya? lol.
rob... my sexy, overall wearing, greasy handed, long haired, hat wearing, truck driving roomie. lol. all i can really say is thanks. lots. you never wanted to hear about him. or why i was sad. or let me cry to you. or anything @ all like that. you basically from the beginning told me to "shut up and get over it" -- i can't count the number of times you asked me why i was going to let him "ruin my day" when he was no where around. your divorce was just final like less than 6 months ago, and while i still think you've got some baggage you're hiding and holding onto, you've dealt w/ it SO well. i envy you, and while you used to seem insincere everytime you basically called me a cry-baby, i kno now that everything you were saying was just your way of telling me i deserved to be happy. all this without even mentioning the fact that you've let me stay for free, w/ my hyper-child, in your house for the last 5 weeks. let me use your laptop, and watch whatever tv i wanted. let me call you and ask you to record biggest loser or idol for me. got allll excited watching deal or no deal with me. teased me for loving hannah montana. you're fun. asking to take me to a nice, sit-down place to eat... awww. it was good. thanks. i love your dogs. so yeah, while you haven't been that "close, emotional" friend... you've been the one to distract me, and talk politics with me, and laugh with and at me, and DD me, and feed me, and give me pop in the middle of the night, and bring me milkshakes, and God knows what else. you're amazing.
sara... i was SO fucking mad @ you last week. you made me cry and cry and cry and cry. and while i still think it was WAY fucking unnecessary to say what you did, HOW you did, i get it. you've been blunt and honest. and that's ok. even if it hurts sometimes. you love me. i kno you do. and i kno you staying here didn't work out that well, but that's ok too. you've let me call you crying, you've smoked w/ me, lol. we bowled, went sledding, laughed. went doooowntown. in our boots. cause the girl can't help it. even while dealing with billy, whom i shall never call a dickhead again (tho he is, lol) you still were there. you don't have a car, and you have a little guy, so yeah, again, you might not be the "come over at 2 am and hold me" friend, but you'd always be the "play pool w/ me all night long (or until you pass out) online" friend. i kno deep down, when i really think about it, that every single "mean" thing you've said about kelly, or our relationship, etc. is just because you want better for me. it's hard to hear sometimes, but i kno you're just looking out for me. i kno that it's not meant to hurt me, even if it does. i love you. i do. a lot.
kates... my favorite minor. my hair cuttererer. thank you for offering to teepee him. lol. you're so cute in that way. i talk to you when i'm sad or down, and first thing you say is "you want me to kick her ass? i could" -- lol. well babe, you might be able to, but it's not her fault, but thanks for offering, maybe you can kick his? kidding. i almost feel bad, because like, ultimately, trenton is a bigger dick, and says some awful awful things, and you should be the confused, hurt one, but like, you're not. you might not always have the perfect thing to say, but you listen, when you can. i kno you're in high school ad have high school things to do, and parents to listen to, and school and soccer practice and yadda yadda, but you still try to be there for me... a 25 year old who should have her shit together. you're only 17 and so amazing. don't settle like i did. please? you deserve SO much better. thanks for being my second family. i love you. and your mom. and even bill. sorry that thanksgiving was such a drag for me... i'll never forget where i was the day i found out she knew. best part is tho, i can still come over and not think about it at all. ya'll make me so comfortable. thanks a million.
jessica... so. you have a job now, and are HELLA busy. and you may have not really cared to hear that much about kelly and how i'm "sad" blah blah blah all that much since that first night, but that first night, awwwww!!! you hugged me, and held me, and made me watch funny comedy and let me stay as late as i wanted, and yeah. and anytime i called you crying you'd talk to me, and tell me it'd be ok, and remind me that he was feeling the same way. you'd tell me that "you were just like him" lol, and you knew how it felt to be him, on the other side of the break-up, and "the cheater" -- that makes me laugh, but i love you for trying to make me believe all the things you did. pretty much, you've got your sick mom, drama w/ dan, 2 bratty kids, a job now, and yet we still manage to find some time to go out and dance and call each other once a day, and just check in, for no good reason. and again, i kno that the only reason i feel like you're sick of hearing about kelly, or how i'm sad, etc. is because you want me to have and feel better. you don't want to encourge me holding onto the negative, self-destructive thoughts, so by igoring them, i can't dwell on it. thanks for that. it helps even when i hate you for it. or feel like you're too busy for me. you've been around since i was knee high to a grasshopper, and i have a feeling we'll be old ladies drinking beer in our rocking chairs on the front porch someday. i'm kinda excited for that. and maybe, by then, i'll be done crying about what's-his-name. :]
beth... DEAR GOD I LOVE YOU!!! fril. again, another friend that's 2+ hours away, but still FREAKING AMAZING!! that week i spent with you, loved it. you've ALWAYS been there everytime i've sent a text, called crying, IM'd, anything, if to do nothing other than tell me, "girl, it's aight, it's normal, promise" - thank you. i love how you "keep it gangsta white girl style" and how there's a new man in your life every other week. it helps me forget about the one i can't stop thinking about!! i'm soooooooooo excited about our trip. we will have so.much.fun. i better not end up dead tho. i have a feeling we might get a bit crazy. thanks for introducing me to guys, and putting make-up on me, and making me shower, etc. when all i wanted to do was cry and hate the world. i love knowing i'm always welcome. you might be able to drive to me tonight if i needed you, but i kno i could pack up the car tomorrow and bring ethan along, and camp out as long as i wanted. you've spent like 232345 dollars on babysitters so we could go out, i'll get ya back, swear. and to think, the last 6 months all happened because you wanted me to call some whorefacetramp. LOVE IT!! and love you. and EVERYTHING you've done. you make me smile. wanting to make a plan for me. calling me hun and dear and those fun pet-names in our texts. we're so cute. i wanna hug you sometimes, lol. i'll see you soon. yay!!!
random strangers online, lol... yeah, so, chances are most of you won't read this. so. all i'ma say is thanks. it just goes to show that there are people out there in the world with compassion, that don't kno a damn thing about you, but will let you rant and rave for an hour, and tell you they're sorry, even if they're just pretending. people that ask you questions and tell you you'll be ok, that give you advice, that tell you to get out of the house, ask if you want company, and aren't just trying to find out what you look like and if you'd like some rebound sex. it gives me faith that there are good people in this world, now, i's my turn to find them.
the other rob... so, i don't kno you that well. michelle introduced us, by phone, while we were @ the bar. you have the deepest voice EVER, it kinda makes me giggle. you too have let me ramble on and on and on about my sadness, when you've been thru the divorce scene and kno how it feels, and yet have never made me feel bad for crying to you. you've called randomly in the middle of the night after work to make sure i'm ok. promised me chocolates for valentine's day when i finally see you. made plans for lunch. all while being busy working non-stop and taking care of your little boy. thanks for not knowing me, but wanting to, and caring to, and showing me that not all guys are assholes just looking to get laid. you're way smart, i can tell, and that excites me. i love smart guys!! here's to hoping we'll get to kno each other better. :]
dave... my oklahoman. we go waaaaaay back, like, 6th grade, middle school boyfriend back. you still tell me you love me, and always have. that i was your first love. that he's missing out, and to forget all about him because he's obviously batshit crazy if he didn't choose me. that makes me smile, even if you're just saying it to make me feel good. you're way funny, and kind, and just there. whenever. for no reason. just to randomly say hi and see how i'm doing. you genuinely want me to do and feel and be better. you have this faith in me that i want so badly to have in myself. we can go years without talking, and pick up right where we left off. i love that. it makes me feel good about myself, like there is something about me that people stick around for. when you finally make it back this way... lemme kno. i'll drive ya around while you smoke down and listen to CRAPPY ASS, METAL BANGING BULLLLLSHIT, ICP. gay!! love you.
cody... idk wtf has happened to you in the last 3 weeks, but i'm hoping you're ok. you called me everynight for a week there and let me cry, and let me fall asleep on the phone. all the way in utah. you made me see both sides of it, and never sugar coated anything. you care about me, and i KNO you do. there aren't a lot of people that i've had that with. we've been thru a lot (hint hint, annie, that whore, lol) and you're still around. i MUST be awesome, lol. i'm probably never gonna move that way to join ya, but if ya wanna meet us in vegas the last week of april, that'd be WAY so fun. it's been awhile since we've been crazy together. thank you for still being around boy. kisses.
danny... i love you. lol. i had the BIGGEST crush on you when we first met. online. lol. you're smart and funny and just NICE. we didn't talk for awhile this past year, but the last few months i've been way glad to talk here and there again. i'm happy for you and your relationship even if you won't take it to the next level and i kno that i can't really talk to you about my "drama" because you never have approved, but @ the same time, you sit and listen and let me fall asleep or comfort me til i'm calm enough to. funny that some mormon guy i met on some myspace singles parents thing could kno so much of my life. we've known each other like 3+ years now!! that's craaaaazy. you're so cute. i miss your teeth. thanks for still being there, and proving to me that you don't need to be next door, or someone i've known since i was 5, to be a really great person. i can see myself marrying someone like you, well, almost anyway, lol. :]
libby... i love your couch on tuesdays and thursdays. letting me come over and nap. steal your remote. hug and kiss on taylor. i love her, she's a DOLL. you haven't really had much o say about the whole kelly deal, but you've listened, a lot. the way you handled the break up with brian showed me a lot too, without it even being mentioned. you work @ like, 5 am, and do have taylor, and so i kno that i can't just call you @ all hours of the night because i'm sad about some "stupid married guy" but i kno that if i REALLY needed someone, or somewhere to go, in the middle of the night, i could always show up @ your door. you don't always have a lot to say ABOUT my problem, but you have a lot of other things to say that help me forget about it. even if just for an hour or two, and God knows how those hours have helped. esp. that first few weeks. you were also there the summer of dan, and i appreciate you acknowledging that i am doing a lot of things better this time around. @ this time back then, i was still crying and puking daily. all day long. yikes, that was a rough time. no wonder you're scared to go thru it with me again this time... i don't blame ya! love you girl.
rachael... i don't really even kno ya. met ya thru sara, have only seen you in person twice, both times @ work. but. you're fucking SWEET!! making me cheesecake. telling me to call or text whenever because you always have your phone on you. commenting me and telling me to forget what everyone else says and do it MY way, on my OWN time. the simple fact that you've done the SAME thing, fallen in love with a married man, and had it end, like, in the last 6 months, amazes me. it helps to kno that others go thru it, and to get their perspective and opinions, and it's nice to kno that someone "gets" me. that there's someone who knows i'm not some awful, horrible human being for getting involved with a married man. you're so super cute too. i love your status updates that get me excited for the new guy in your life even tho they only turn out to be song lyrics. thanks for being around even tho you don't owe me a single thing. i love people that are just nice people @ heart.
beth w. and jec... thanks for taking me out. and letting me cry. and telling me that someday, it won't matter. thanks beth for playing "stay" 4345 times, just to be a bitch. i cried, but deep down, it makes me smile. and jec, for telling me that i look "really pretty" and that it "just don't matter" -- cause you're right, it doesn't. thanks for inviting me out, to get me out, and bring some newness to my life. we aren't like, "super close, would cry over sappy movies together" friends so much, but i'm pretty sure i could call either of you crying in the middle of the night, and you might not have any idea wtf was going on, but you'd try to pretend. thanks for thirsty thursday and graduation parties and dancing @ melville's and everything else that's helped make me realize there are people that want to be around me and enjoy me.
anyone else i've forgotten/other old friends/family/etc... just thank you. for dinners out. babysitting ethan. letting me stay the night. live there. just everything. calling to say hi. checking on my from work. i kno lots of great people, even if they aren't great all the time.
so yeah... basically, i wrote all that because i read in that book that eventually friends would get sick of hearing about it, and i wanted to acknowledge that i realize that, and accept it, even if i sometimes act hurt about it. i wrote a few days back that i was jealous of kelly and his friends, and blah blah blah, but you kno what? fuck that. sure, he might have drama-free friendships, and sit down dinners, and poker nights, but that's all situation based. i have friends w/ kids and their own relationship problems. i don't have upper-class, married friends to share wine with, and that's ok. i have friends that hurt me, but love me. i have friends that i can tell ANYTHING to, ANYTHING, and they still love me. i have friends that i can be REAL with, and that's more important and means more than ANY dinner party, or basketball session, or vacation or cabin weekend. we have fun, AND we get deep. we explore. we love. we call each other in the middle of the night. we hug. we fall down together, and we climb back up.
my friends aren't perfect, but A LOT of them i've known since i was a kid, and they're still around. they are in oklahoma and utah and iraq and illinois and have kids, and are still in high school, and have jobs and their own BIG issues and they're still here. even if not always how i'd like it to be, they are here how they can be. i love my friends. even if i sometimes feel disappointed. those bitches got my back :]
andrea
kory
rob
sara
kates
jessica
beth
random strangers online, lol
the other rob
dave
cody
danny
libby
rachael
beth w. and jec
i just wanna say thank you. like sincerely. i was just reading one of my "self-help" books... "it's called a break-up because it's broken" and there was a section about friends and leaning on them, and when enough is enough, and when to take their opinions and how to deal with the negative things they say about the ex, etc. and like, it made me realize something. i kno a lot of the time i don't always think i have the greatest friends. i kno a lot of the time i feel like my friends are too busy for me and my issues and my stupid broken heart. i kno a lot of the time in the last 2 months i've felt sorry for myself and sad i didn't have that friend that'd come over @ 2 am to eat a gallon of ice cream with me. BUT, when it comes right down to it...
michelle... you worked everynight, all night, sometimes 7 nights a week. you needed sleep, and you had your own issues w/ mike. i'm sorry if i didn't pay more attention to that. you were there thru the dan break-up. if ANYONE knew what to expect this time around it was you. our little "intervention" night helped more than you'll ever kno. we've had some bullshit happen thru-out our friendship, some horrible things happen, etc. but i trust you. i trust your opinions and your knowledge. i kno that the only reason you "get sick" of hearing about kelly, or hearing me cry is because you KNO there is nothing you can do. you've done this what, 5 or 6 times now? dealt w/ your own heartbreak, and you kno that you can listen to me cry and cry and cry and cry, but @ the end of the conversation, there's REALLY nothing you can do. you can't take away my pain. and i kno you hate hearing people cry. thank you for being the kind of friend you kno how to be. even if it's not the "sex and the city, come over and sleep in my bed w/ me, hold me while i cry" kind of friendship, @ least it's real.
andrea... you're in freaking iraq for chrissakes. but you've still been there EVERYNIGHT. you've listened to me over and over and over again. you've read things i've copied and pasted while trying to make myself feel better. you've told me time and time again how amazing i am, and how you kno i deserve better. i love you. we aren't as close as we used to be, but you try, from across the world, to save me still. you even lent me your husband to talk to, lol. to get the "guy" perspective. and you too were dealing w/ your own relationship issues. you offered to take me back to n. carolina with you in june, and get me away from it all. anytime i got mad, thinking you "didn't get it" when you were basically telling me to "get over it" - it wasn't that you were being insensitive or didn't care, it's that you KNEW "getting over it" was the best thing for me and what i deserved. i love the faith and confidence you have in me, because there are a lot of times *i* don't have it in myself, you have noooo idea how much it helps to kno that someone does. even if you're a million miles away. i love you. forever.
kory... so kid :] i've known you what? 2 months? or well, you've been stalking my myspace blogs for the last 2 years? lol. i really never knew that i had some "stranger" on my friends list. i thought i knew everyone. maybe you were there for a reason. it was just WAY sweet for you to randomly message me and tell me that you were sorry for what i was going thru. you didn't kno me, you had no obligation to "be my friend" or feel sorry for me. yet you did. and i waaaay appreciate that. "comparing" w/ you, and your 11 year relationship that ended, really has helped me. everytime i feel "bad" or "sad" or what not, i think about you. you were with your best friend, for THAT long, had 2 kids, and it ended the way it did... it makes me feel kinda shitty for even crying to you @ all about my "situation" -- but you let me anyway, and that says a lot about the kind of person you are. yeah, being in s. bend and working at 5 am every morning doesn't really allow us to hang out much, but i LOVED the basketball game, and the fact that you text me good morning every morning and goodnight every night, even if you are just doing it because you kno he did and still want me to have that. thanks for driving up here in a blizzard to watch the SHITASS SUPERBOWL with me. thanks for being there and accepting my 98,000 "i can't stop crying" texts a day last month. ps: take down those damn titantic posters already would ya? lol.
rob... my sexy, overall wearing, greasy handed, long haired, hat wearing, truck driving roomie. lol. all i can really say is thanks. lots. you never wanted to hear about him. or why i was sad. or let me cry to you. or anything @ all like that. you basically from the beginning told me to "shut up and get over it" -- i can't count the number of times you asked me why i was going to let him "ruin my day" when he was no where around. your divorce was just final like less than 6 months ago, and while i still think you've got some baggage you're hiding and holding onto, you've dealt w/ it SO well. i envy you, and while you used to seem insincere everytime you basically called me a cry-baby, i kno now that everything you were saying was just your way of telling me i deserved to be happy. all this without even mentioning the fact that you've let me stay for free, w/ my hyper-child, in your house for the last 5 weeks. let me use your laptop, and watch whatever tv i wanted. let me call you and ask you to record biggest loser or idol for me. got allll excited watching deal or no deal with me. teased me for loving hannah montana. you're fun. asking to take me to a nice, sit-down place to eat... awww. it was good. thanks. i love your dogs. so yeah, while you haven't been that "close, emotional" friend... you've been the one to distract me, and talk politics with me, and laugh with and at me, and DD me, and feed me, and give me pop in the middle of the night, and bring me milkshakes, and God knows what else. you're amazing.
sara... i was SO fucking mad @ you last week. you made me cry and cry and cry and cry. and while i still think it was WAY fucking unnecessary to say what you did, HOW you did, i get it. you've been blunt and honest. and that's ok. even if it hurts sometimes. you love me. i kno you do. and i kno you staying here didn't work out that well, but that's ok too. you've let me call you crying, you've smoked w/ me, lol. we bowled, went sledding, laughed. went doooowntown. in our boots. cause the girl can't help it. even while dealing with billy, whom i shall never call a dickhead again (tho he is, lol) you still were there. you don't have a car, and you have a little guy, so yeah, again, you might not be the "come over at 2 am and hold me" friend, but you'd always be the "play pool w/ me all night long (or until you pass out) online" friend. i kno deep down, when i really think about it, that every single "mean" thing you've said about kelly, or our relationship, etc. is just because you want better for me. it's hard to hear sometimes, but i kno you're just looking out for me. i kno that it's not meant to hurt me, even if it does. i love you. i do. a lot.
kates... my favorite minor. my hair cuttererer. thank you for offering to teepee him. lol. you're so cute in that way. i talk to you when i'm sad or down, and first thing you say is "you want me to kick her ass? i could" -- lol. well babe, you might be able to, but it's not her fault, but thanks for offering, maybe you can kick his? kidding. i almost feel bad, because like, ultimately, trenton is a bigger dick, and says some awful awful things, and you should be the confused, hurt one, but like, you're not. you might not always have the perfect thing to say, but you listen, when you can. i kno you're in high school ad have high school things to do, and parents to listen to, and school and soccer practice and yadda yadda, but you still try to be there for me... a 25 year old who should have her shit together. you're only 17 and so amazing. don't settle like i did. please? you deserve SO much better. thanks for being my second family. i love you. and your mom. and even bill. sorry that thanksgiving was such a drag for me... i'll never forget where i was the day i found out she knew. best part is tho, i can still come over and not think about it at all. ya'll make me so comfortable. thanks a million.
jessica... so. you have a job now, and are HELLA busy. and you may have not really cared to hear that much about kelly and how i'm "sad" blah blah blah all that much since that first night, but that first night, awwwww!!! you hugged me, and held me, and made me watch funny comedy and let me stay as late as i wanted, and yeah. and anytime i called you crying you'd talk to me, and tell me it'd be ok, and remind me that he was feeling the same way. you'd tell me that "you were just like him" lol, and you knew how it felt to be him, on the other side of the break-up, and "the cheater" -- that makes me laugh, but i love you for trying to make me believe all the things you did. pretty much, you've got your sick mom, drama w/ dan, 2 bratty kids, a job now, and yet we still manage to find some time to go out and dance and call each other once a day, and just check in, for no good reason. and again, i kno that the only reason i feel like you're sick of hearing about kelly, or how i'm sad, etc. is because you want me to have and feel better. you don't want to encourge me holding onto the negative, self-destructive thoughts, so by igoring them, i can't dwell on it. thanks for that. it helps even when i hate you for it. or feel like you're too busy for me. you've been around since i was knee high to a grasshopper, and i have a feeling we'll be old ladies drinking beer in our rocking chairs on the front porch someday. i'm kinda excited for that. and maybe, by then, i'll be done crying about what's-his-name. :]
beth... DEAR GOD I LOVE YOU!!! fril. again, another friend that's 2+ hours away, but still FREAKING AMAZING!! that week i spent with you, loved it. you've ALWAYS been there everytime i've sent a text, called crying, IM'd, anything, if to do nothing other than tell me, "girl, it's aight, it's normal, promise" - thank you. i love how you "keep it gangsta white girl style" and how there's a new man in your life every other week. it helps me forget about the one i can't stop thinking about!! i'm soooooooooo excited about our trip. we will have so.much.fun. i better not end up dead tho. i have a feeling we might get a bit crazy. thanks for introducing me to guys, and putting make-up on me, and making me shower, etc. when all i wanted to do was cry and hate the world. i love knowing i'm always welcome. you might be able to drive to me tonight if i needed you, but i kno i could pack up the car tomorrow and bring ethan along, and camp out as long as i wanted. you've spent like 232345 dollars on babysitters so we could go out, i'll get ya back, swear. and to think, the last 6 months all happened because you wanted me to call some whorefacetramp. LOVE IT!! and love you. and EVERYTHING you've done. you make me smile. wanting to make a plan for me. calling me hun and dear and those fun pet-names in our texts. we're so cute. i wanna hug you sometimes, lol. i'll see you soon. yay!!!
random strangers online, lol... yeah, so, chances are most of you won't read this. so. all i'ma say is thanks. it just goes to show that there are people out there in the world with compassion, that don't kno a damn thing about you, but will let you rant and rave for an hour, and tell you they're sorry, even if they're just pretending. people that ask you questions and tell you you'll be ok, that give you advice, that tell you to get out of the house, ask if you want company, and aren't just trying to find out what you look like and if you'd like some rebound sex. it gives me faith that there are good people in this world, now, i's my turn to find them.
the other rob... so, i don't kno you that well. michelle introduced us, by phone, while we were @ the bar. you have the deepest voice EVER, it kinda makes me giggle. you too have let me ramble on and on and on about my sadness, when you've been thru the divorce scene and kno how it feels, and yet have never made me feel bad for crying to you. you've called randomly in the middle of the night after work to make sure i'm ok. promised me chocolates for valentine's day when i finally see you. made plans for lunch. all while being busy working non-stop and taking care of your little boy. thanks for not knowing me, but wanting to, and caring to, and showing me that not all guys are assholes just looking to get laid. you're way smart, i can tell, and that excites me. i love smart guys!! here's to hoping we'll get to kno each other better. :]
dave... my oklahoman. we go waaaaaay back, like, 6th grade, middle school boyfriend back. you still tell me you love me, and always have. that i was your first love. that he's missing out, and to forget all about him because he's obviously batshit crazy if he didn't choose me. that makes me smile, even if you're just saying it to make me feel good. you're way funny, and kind, and just there. whenever. for no reason. just to randomly say hi and see how i'm doing. you genuinely want me to do and feel and be better. you have this faith in me that i want so badly to have in myself. we can go years without talking, and pick up right where we left off. i love that. it makes me feel good about myself, like there is something about me that people stick around for. when you finally make it back this way... lemme kno. i'll drive ya around while you smoke down and listen to CRAPPY ASS, METAL BANGING BULLLLLSHIT, ICP. gay!! love you.
cody... idk wtf has happened to you in the last 3 weeks, but i'm hoping you're ok. you called me everynight for a week there and let me cry, and let me fall asleep on the phone. all the way in utah. you made me see both sides of it, and never sugar coated anything. you care about me, and i KNO you do. there aren't a lot of people that i've had that with. we've been thru a lot (hint hint, annie, that whore, lol) and you're still around. i MUST be awesome, lol. i'm probably never gonna move that way to join ya, but if ya wanna meet us in vegas the last week of april, that'd be WAY so fun. it's been awhile since we've been crazy together. thank you for still being around boy. kisses.
danny... i love you. lol. i had the BIGGEST crush on you when we first met. online. lol. you're smart and funny and just NICE. we didn't talk for awhile this past year, but the last few months i've been way glad to talk here and there again. i'm happy for you and your relationship even if you won't take it to the next level and i kno that i can't really talk to you about my "drama" because you never have approved, but @ the same time, you sit and listen and let me fall asleep or comfort me til i'm calm enough to. funny that some mormon guy i met on some myspace singles parents thing could kno so much of my life. we've known each other like 3+ years now!! that's craaaaazy. you're so cute. i miss your teeth. thanks for still being there, and proving to me that you don't need to be next door, or someone i've known since i was 5, to be a really great person. i can see myself marrying someone like you, well, almost anyway, lol. :]
libby... i love your couch on tuesdays and thursdays. letting me come over and nap. steal your remote. hug and kiss on taylor. i love her, she's a DOLL. you haven't really had much o say about the whole kelly deal, but you've listened, a lot. the way you handled the break up with brian showed me a lot too, without it even being mentioned. you work @ like, 5 am, and do have taylor, and so i kno that i can't just call you @ all hours of the night because i'm sad about some "stupid married guy" but i kno that if i REALLY needed someone, or somewhere to go, in the middle of the night, i could always show up @ your door. you don't always have a lot to say ABOUT my problem, but you have a lot of other things to say that help me forget about it. even if just for an hour or two, and God knows how those hours have helped. esp. that first few weeks. you were also there the summer of dan, and i appreciate you acknowledging that i am doing a lot of things better this time around. @ this time back then, i was still crying and puking daily. all day long. yikes, that was a rough time. no wonder you're scared to go thru it with me again this time... i don't blame ya! love you girl.
rachael... i don't really even kno ya. met ya thru sara, have only seen you in person twice, both times @ work. but. you're fucking SWEET!! making me cheesecake. telling me to call or text whenever because you always have your phone on you. commenting me and telling me to forget what everyone else says and do it MY way, on my OWN time. the simple fact that you've done the SAME thing, fallen in love with a married man, and had it end, like, in the last 6 months, amazes me. it helps to kno that others go thru it, and to get their perspective and opinions, and it's nice to kno that someone "gets" me. that there's someone who knows i'm not some awful, horrible human being for getting involved with a married man. you're so super cute too. i love your status updates that get me excited for the new guy in your life even tho they only turn out to be song lyrics. thanks for being around even tho you don't owe me a single thing. i love people that are just nice people @ heart.
beth w. and jec... thanks for taking me out. and letting me cry. and telling me that someday, it won't matter. thanks beth for playing "stay" 4345 times, just to be a bitch. i cried, but deep down, it makes me smile. and jec, for telling me that i look "really pretty" and that it "just don't matter" -- cause you're right, it doesn't. thanks for inviting me out, to get me out, and bring some newness to my life. we aren't like, "super close, would cry over sappy movies together" friends so much, but i'm pretty sure i could call either of you crying in the middle of the night, and you might not have any idea wtf was going on, but you'd try to pretend. thanks for thirsty thursday and graduation parties and dancing @ melville's and everything else that's helped make me realize there are people that want to be around me and enjoy me.
anyone else i've forgotten/other old friends/family/etc... just thank you. for dinners out. babysitting ethan. letting me stay the night. live there. just everything. calling to say hi. checking on my from work. i kno lots of great people, even if they aren't great all the time.
so yeah... basically, i wrote all that because i read in that book that eventually friends would get sick of hearing about it, and i wanted to acknowledge that i realize that, and accept it, even if i sometimes act hurt about it. i wrote a few days back that i was jealous of kelly and his friends, and blah blah blah, but you kno what? fuck that. sure, he might have drama-free friendships, and sit down dinners, and poker nights, but that's all situation based. i have friends w/ kids and their own relationship problems. i don't have upper-class, married friends to share wine with, and that's ok. i have friends that hurt me, but love me. i have friends that i can tell ANYTHING to, ANYTHING, and they still love me. i have friends that i can be REAL with, and that's more important and means more than ANY dinner party, or basketball session, or vacation or cabin weekend. we have fun, AND we get deep. we explore. we love. we call each other in the middle of the night. we hug. we fall down together, and we climb back up.
my friends aren't perfect, but A LOT of them i've known since i was a kid, and they're still around. they are in oklahoma and utah and iraq and illinois and have kids, and are still in high school, and have jobs and their own BIG issues and they're still here. even if not always how i'd like it to be, they are here how they can be. i love my friends. even if i sometimes feel disappointed. those bitches got my back :]