40
ok guys. i need everyone's help and opinion and encouragement. i'ma post this here, and in a bulletin and on livejournal, and call people and yeah.
i'm nervous, because it involves a real job and money and rent and bills and being a "grown up" for essentially the first time in my life, and this is where, 40 days ago, i woulda turned to kelly... the smart, kinda rigid, goes-to-a-nice-job everyday, kelly. and because he was the only one ever proud of me. so now i need to turn to my friends, maybe even strangers, family, etc.
here's the situation:
rob has to move to his other house. he wants to rent this one out. i've had it PRETTY cushie the last month or so. a big ass tv, lots of channels, doggies to play with, fish to feed, high speed internet, a nice lap top, etc. basically, i had it all, and had to pay for NONE of it. welllll... now, he wants to rent the upstairs, and the downstairs (they are seperate, can't get to one without going outside first, etc.) -- he was gonna rent the downstairs for 550, plus half of gas and electric, NOT including cable or internet. welllll, for me, he said i could pay 400 for rent, no gas, half the electric and he'd switch his cable and internet over to my name for 90/month. sooo, basically, i'd be paying approx. 600 or less, for a 2 bedroom, nice place, and that would include the utilities, and high speed internet and cable. can i do this?
this is where i get worried. 600/month for everything included, isn't really THAT much. if i got an apt. with 2 bedrooms ANYWHERE in kzoo it'd be that much. i don't have great rental history, my credit sucks, lol. etc. dan is now paying 260/month in child support and has consistently for the last 2 months. even if i worked 35 hours/week @ only $7.50 an hour, that'd still about 200/week after taxes, which with dan's money totals just over $1000/month. which would leave $400 for whatever else. my mom will still cover cell phone and car insurance. i'm giving in and going thru the state for help with daycare, so basically that leaves that $400 for gas money and whatever else. i'd like to think i could find a job that paid more also if i REALLY tried. even working with jessica i'd make more than that. she makes $600 every 2 weeks.
so yeah, there's that option. OR there's finding a job making that money, and going back to my grandpa's where i could live for free and SAVE that money. the only problems with that, are, well, everything. no internet, no cable, my dad living there, the 22 year old girlfriend, no room, my grandpa's work hours, ethan bothering them, not being able to have people over, not being allowed to drink, not being able to have a babysitter there to watch ethan, etc. BUT, i'd save allll that money. sooo i made a pros and cons list:
pros of renting from rob:
-about the same as it'd be anywhere, with more included
-i could have a pet!! (when i could afford it)
-ethan loves it here, there's LOTS of room outside to play
-it's close to both three rivers and marcellus, and closer to portage and schoolcraft than my grandpa's house
-ethan could stay in school here
-i'd have a job, and be doing it ON MY OWN finally (well mostly)
-i could have parties and people over
-i could bring a babysitter here
-i could decorate how i wanted
-i'd feel more like a grown up
-no dad bothering me
-no ANYONE bothering me
-there might be someone really awesome that moves in upstairs
-i'd look more attractive to people to be able to say i had my own place, my own job, paid my own bills, etc.
cons to renting from rob:
-i'd have to actually work and pay bills on time and it scares me because i've never had to do it
-the driveway is a BITCH, lol
-i'd have to find furniture, etc. that i can't really afford
-i'd go back to having my crappy tv and computer, BUT, at my grandpa's i wouldn't even NEED a tv or computer, because i'd have no reason to use them (so i guess that's more of a pro than con)
-he wants to sell eventually
-would need the job like TOMORROW, or well, within 2 weeks anyway
-need to go thru the hassle of daycare, etc. like NOW
pros to going back to grandpa's:
-save lots of money
-ethan loves him
-can come and go as i please (but i could do that at my own house too)
-laundry for free (but i could probably do it there anyway... or my mom's for now)
-wouldn't have to worry about furniture
cons to going back to my grandpa's:
-my druggie dad
-his 22 year old girlfriend
-no cable, internet @ all, notta
-the mean dog that wants to eat ethan
-ethan bothering them
-no room for ANYTHING
ok so as i make the list, i realize, it basically all comes down to money. do i wanna spend and have freedom and maybe feel better about myself, but also stress and worry if i can do it. or do i wanna "settle" and do what's easiest, but be able to save a SHITLOAD of money by fall? i kno which i'd prefer, but @ the same time, thinking about just dealing with bullshit for 6 months, but have a few thousand saved when i wanted to move out sounds nice. THO, renting from rob would allow me the freedom to be a day or two late, and i wouldn't have to go thru the hassle of a credit check, rental history check, etc. which might pose a problem 6 months from now if i tried elsewhere.
i need encourangement. sounds silly saying i don't kno how to be an "adult" but i don't. i was sheltered my ENTIRE life. yeah if i stay here, and rent the downstairs, i might not have things handed to me as easily as they are being right now, but if i go back to my grandpa's i won't have any of it either AND will have to deal with the bs over there.
can i do it? can i pay bills? can i get up every morning and go to work? am i smart enough? i just need people to tell me they believe in me like he would have. that they KNO i can do it. i'm really scared right now, i kno it's stupid, but my stomach is upset even.
thoughts??
gotta take ethan to swimming now. oh, and i signed him up for spring soccer today. yay!!
i'm nervous, because it involves a real job and money and rent and bills and being a "grown up" for essentially the first time in my life, and this is where, 40 days ago, i woulda turned to kelly... the smart, kinda rigid, goes-to-a-nice-job everyday, kelly. and because he was the only one ever proud of me. so now i need to turn to my friends, maybe even strangers, family, etc.
here's the situation:
rob has to move to his other house. he wants to rent this one out. i've had it PRETTY cushie the last month or so. a big ass tv, lots of channels, doggies to play with, fish to feed, high speed internet, a nice lap top, etc. basically, i had it all, and had to pay for NONE of it. welllll... now, he wants to rent the upstairs, and the downstairs (they are seperate, can't get to one without going outside first, etc.) -- he was gonna rent the downstairs for 550, plus half of gas and electric, NOT including cable or internet. welllll, for me, he said i could pay 400 for rent, no gas, half the electric and he'd switch his cable and internet over to my name for 90/month. sooo, basically, i'd be paying approx. 600 or less, for a 2 bedroom, nice place, and that would include the utilities, and high speed internet and cable. can i do this?
this is where i get worried. 600/month for everything included, isn't really THAT much. if i got an apt. with 2 bedrooms ANYWHERE in kzoo it'd be that much. i don't have great rental history, my credit sucks, lol. etc. dan is now paying 260/month in child support and has consistently for the last 2 months. even if i worked 35 hours/week @ only $7.50 an hour, that'd still about 200/week after taxes, which with dan's money totals just over $1000/month. which would leave $400 for whatever else. my mom will still cover cell phone and car insurance. i'm giving in and going thru the state for help with daycare, so basically that leaves that $400 for gas money and whatever else. i'd like to think i could find a job that paid more also if i REALLY tried. even working with jessica i'd make more than that. she makes $600 every 2 weeks.
so yeah, there's that option. OR there's finding a job making that money, and going back to my grandpa's where i could live for free and SAVE that money. the only problems with that, are, well, everything. no internet, no cable, my dad living there, the 22 year old girlfriend, no room, my grandpa's work hours, ethan bothering them, not being able to have people over, not being allowed to drink, not being able to have a babysitter there to watch ethan, etc. BUT, i'd save allll that money. sooo i made a pros and cons list:
pros of renting from rob:
-about the same as it'd be anywhere, with more included
-i could have a pet!! (when i could afford it)
-ethan loves it here, there's LOTS of room outside to play
-it's close to both three rivers and marcellus, and closer to portage and schoolcraft than my grandpa's house
-ethan could stay in school here
-i'd have a job, and be doing it ON MY OWN finally (well mostly)
-i could have parties and people over
-i could bring a babysitter here
-i could decorate how i wanted
-i'd feel more like a grown up
-no dad bothering me
-no ANYONE bothering me
-there might be someone really awesome that moves in upstairs
-i'd look more attractive to people to be able to say i had my own place, my own job, paid my own bills, etc.
cons to renting from rob:
-i'd have to actually work and pay bills on time and it scares me because i've never had to do it
-the driveway is a BITCH, lol
-i'd have to find furniture, etc. that i can't really afford
-i'd go back to having my crappy tv and computer, BUT, at my grandpa's i wouldn't even NEED a tv or computer, because i'd have no reason to use them (so i guess that's more of a pro than con)
-he wants to sell eventually
-would need the job like TOMORROW, or well, within 2 weeks anyway
-need to go thru the hassle of daycare, etc. like NOW
pros to going back to grandpa's:
-save lots of money
-ethan loves him
-can come and go as i please (but i could do that at my own house too)
-laundry for free (but i could probably do it there anyway... or my mom's for now)
-wouldn't have to worry about furniture
cons to going back to my grandpa's:
-my druggie dad
-his 22 year old girlfriend
-no cable, internet @ all, notta
-the mean dog that wants to eat ethan
-ethan bothering them
-no room for ANYTHING
ok so as i make the list, i realize, it basically all comes down to money. do i wanna spend and have freedom and maybe feel better about myself, but also stress and worry if i can do it. or do i wanna "settle" and do what's easiest, but be able to save a SHITLOAD of money by fall? i kno which i'd prefer, but @ the same time, thinking about just dealing with bullshit for 6 months, but have a few thousand saved when i wanted to move out sounds nice. THO, renting from rob would allow me the freedom to be a day or two late, and i wouldn't have to go thru the hassle of a credit check, rental history check, etc. which might pose a problem 6 months from now if i tried elsewhere.
i need encourangement. sounds silly saying i don't kno how to be an "adult" but i don't. i was sheltered my ENTIRE life. yeah if i stay here, and rent the downstairs, i might not have things handed to me as easily as they are being right now, but if i go back to my grandpa's i won't have any of it either AND will have to deal with the bs over there.
can i do it? can i pay bills? can i get up every morning and go to work? am i smart enough? i just need people to tell me they believe in me like he would have. that they KNO i can do it. i'm really scared right now, i kno it's stupid, but my stomach is upset even.
thoughts??
gotta take ethan to swimming now. oh, and i signed him up for spring soccer today. yay!!