(no subject)
hello everyone, you've reached my living will. should i be in a comatose, non-responsive state, i ask that my wife be chained to my bedside 24 hours a day and unable to leave. i ask that ryan cabereracabbage be played constantly, and that michelle keep one hand down my pants at all times.. i can feel myself slipping into a comatose state right now... and lastly and most importantly: i do not want any video of myself played on national news networks where i look horribly unattractive with my mouth hanging open... please people.
next Thursday i have to leave my couch against my will. totally unfair, being forced to play in front of hundreds of people every night. i am not in the mood to stop watching newlyweds, or to stand up. i plan on warming up for tour this weekend. this consists of running around michelle in circles and beeping. sometimes i practice running from 13 year old girls and have angel chase me around his living room... there is not much of a difference.
i have been warned that william beckett is challenging me for largest ego in the business. this just cannot happen, and i have devised a plan to hold my own... i am going to ride around on a huge float through new york city singing and dancing.. and i do not mean for the gay rights parade (this time). of course i will have those other guys in my "band" join me, but as always they are a very small part of this equation. i will wear sunglasses and have the nypd escort me, then i will assume the jesus pose as my fans furiously chase after me as we ride into brooklyn. of course they will close the bridge for me. no one minds being late to work for adam lazzara. take that bono. once in brooklyn i will park underneath the bridge and sing amongst thunderous applause, until my ego swells uncontrollably and consumes manhattan.
my friend usher is getting married, and as though the honor of participating in his wedding is not enough, he has promised me a huge chain with an A on it to hit people with. my wife has volunteered to help get his wife into her wedding dress. i hope that he is registered at pretty girl. in all seriousness, and without turning into a huge pussy.. i am incredibly happy for him. i do not buy couples who have been together two months being mysteriously in love, so it is refreshing to see two people who hate each other 90% of the time together, may all of your fights end in makeup sex. and congratulations lindsay lohan, for managing to nail down a man who is not afraid of the bronx, the d train, or hot 97.
michelle is forcing me to take her to see sin city... i am very skeptical of film noir brought to us by the maker of spy kids, but anything for michelle. especially since she has promised to poledance in chaps... that doesn't hurt. i recently named myself as the pope's successor but she hasn't been very supportive, much like when i named myself spiderman. she is lucky that i still do not deny her the unbelievable pleasure of having sex with her. i look forward to spending the next few months in a small 10x10 room with her. assuming crash is still breathing, i plan on leaving him with nicole, possibly not just for tour, but for the rest of his life.
i was going to make fun of phil spoon just for kicks, but making fun of something on the pony express tour just seemed sad. i had no reason to dislike phil spoon, other than him offending every single one of my boyfriends, but then i checked out his website and now i have a valid reason, which is that they support the use of marijuana for medical purposes. that is weaker than 50 cent, who i should mention very recently mentioned that he has never smoked weed, making him even more annoying (who knew it was possible). it is a sad day when our president has done harder drugs than our best selling rapper... what is with you america. which brings me back to my point, do you know what i support, everyone getting high for no reason at all. u suck phil spoon.
hurray for disjointed paragraphs.. that is all for now- until i take over the papal duties or my ego smothers you in your living room- love
adam
next Thursday i have to leave my couch against my will. totally unfair, being forced to play in front of hundreds of people every night. i am not in the mood to stop watching newlyweds, or to stand up. i plan on warming up for tour this weekend. this consists of running around michelle in circles and beeping. sometimes i practice running from 13 year old girls and have angel chase me around his living room... there is not much of a difference.
i have been warned that william beckett is challenging me for largest ego in the business. this just cannot happen, and i have devised a plan to hold my own... i am going to ride around on a huge float through new york city singing and dancing.. and i do not mean for the gay rights parade (this time). of course i will have those other guys in my "band" join me, but as always they are a very small part of this equation. i will wear sunglasses and have the nypd escort me, then i will assume the jesus pose as my fans furiously chase after me as we ride into brooklyn. of course they will close the bridge for me. no one minds being late to work for adam lazzara. take that bono. once in brooklyn i will park underneath the bridge and sing amongst thunderous applause, until my ego swells uncontrollably and consumes manhattan.
my friend usher is getting married, and as though the honor of participating in his wedding is not enough, he has promised me a huge chain with an A on it to hit people with. my wife has volunteered to help get his wife into her wedding dress. i hope that he is registered at pretty girl. in all seriousness, and without turning into a huge pussy.. i am incredibly happy for him. i do not buy couples who have been together two months being mysteriously in love, so it is refreshing to see two people who hate each other 90% of the time together, may all of your fights end in makeup sex. and congratulations lindsay lohan, for managing to nail down a man who is not afraid of the bronx, the d train, or hot 97.
michelle is forcing me to take her to see sin city... i am very skeptical of film noir brought to us by the maker of spy kids, but anything for michelle. especially since she has promised to poledance in chaps... that doesn't hurt. i recently named myself as the pope's successor but she hasn't been very supportive, much like when i named myself spiderman. she is lucky that i still do not deny her the unbelievable pleasure of having sex with her. i look forward to spending the next few months in a small 10x10 room with her. assuming crash is still breathing, i plan on leaving him with nicole, possibly not just for tour, but for the rest of his life.
i was going to make fun of phil spoon just for kicks, but making fun of something on the pony express tour just seemed sad. i had no reason to dislike phil spoon, other than him offending every single one of my boyfriends, but then i checked out his website and now i have a valid reason, which is that they support the use of marijuana for medical purposes. that is weaker than 50 cent, who i should mention very recently mentioned that he has never smoked weed, making him even more annoying (who knew it was possible). it is a sad day when our president has done harder drugs than our best selling rapper... what is with you america. which brings me back to my point, do you know what i support, everyone getting high for no reason at all. u suck phil spoon.
hurray for disjointed paragraphs.. that is all for now- until i take over the papal duties or my ego smothers you in your living room- love
adam