A revelation.
I realized, just now, sitting in my chair, hitting the twenty four hour mark, caffeine ebbing from my system, my body fighting me. I realized that I in some ways relish the exhaustion my insomnia brings. I do very few things in my life that are a struggle, I push very few limits. All that I do comes easily, or I don't do it. This struggle against unconsciousness is the only thing that I fight, I fight with all of my being, I fight it at almost all times. Its such an accomplishment to see one sunrise after another, to have no gaps in your consciousness between each one.
Sleep deprivation comes with consequences, a lot of them. My favorite of which is the sluggishness. Slowing down. Dragging along. This Sargasso Sea, this pool of molasseses, it forces everything I do to be deliberate, it makes me think about and put effort into every step, every action. It brings me to a state that is somewhat functional, where my mind isn't thinking another thought in between your every word, where I can listen, and just listen to something. I can study the sky, read a book, write a poem, speak with a friend, and just do that, and only that.
Focus, its a wonderful thing.
Sleep deprivation comes with consequences, a lot of them. My favorite of which is the sluggishness. Slowing down. Dragging along. This Sargasso Sea, this pool of molasseses, it forces everything I do to be deliberate, it makes me think about and put effort into every step, every action. It brings me to a state that is somewhat functional, where my mind isn't thinking another thought in between your every word, where I can listen, and just listen to something. I can study the sky, read a book, write a poem, speak with a friend, and just do that, and only that.
Focus, its a wonderful thing.