what comes with time, can dead be a mood???????????
i seem to think time can cure almost everything, but how can you know if something from the past was real or not. anyone ever seen the butterfly effect? well just about everyday i wish i could go back and fix things for the world, and do things all over again....... the one thing that would be gone for sure is, meeting her, "broken heart cant be rebroken" well i dont think it can, i feel good about life but the past has me all fucked up. i realy want to go back and decide not to call or text, on that night. i wish i had something to do rather then sit at home and text back and forth, i think if those fateful texts never came i could be so much more happy, id be almost done with school. i could probally be more happy with the past....... lets go back and erase the past, sometimes i dont think any of it was worth wile? i think we would all be so much happier, when more and more information comes to me eyes, this heart beats less and less as a human and more and more as a cancer that would like to come over my body and destroy the past. but i guess this might be just the start to a life that has not begun yet? sometimes i dont feel like im alive,? i cant find a wire to jump start my life. i need school i need interaction between new people rather then the few i see all of the time. i dont know what bi would be doing if it wasnt for a few people, like me who all have shared the same fate, and who also call me friend, there are not to many people who can say they are my friend. i mean in the true sence of the word. maybe three or four people who i really bide my time to hang out with them, even if its only a few minutes before we all pass out. i dont know i feel like im missing out on so much of my life or maybe im over reacting im a whole 20 eyars old i dont really know what this world has in hold for me, many nights i wish the exact oppisite of what the intro of this rant speaks, but i know i could never hold her in the same light as i have before. maybe im " alittle less human and a lot more bitter and cold" but iguess that whats love does to people. i realy do love this valley, the friends i have made here seem so much more real then alot of people ive known, but at the same time i feel this valley has a grasp on me that can not be broken. i want to start life, i feel like im in the staging area of it and have not been givin the ticket to enter.i dont know long nights i guess do this to every one but i think my mind is a little more geared towards thought and less rationalization. all i see is lies, and deception, now i see why all of those calls were made. i see what her state of mind was when she was calling me, why the fuck am i the shoulder, the wall and the distance, dont fucking get my hopes up to break them fuckin down. this is probaly enough, no one cares, comment if any one reads this and has imput bad or good or stories of the same thing