At HomE dOinG nOthiNg
so for the past couple of days i haven't done much of anything. except for get in a big fight with my dad. so he's probly not gonna come with me to new jersey or colorado. which is probably for the best. i can't stand being around him so this is gonna be a nice week and a half without my dad there telling me what i'm doing wrong and that i'm this big screw up. first of all he has no room to talk because he's not a perfect angel. i just wish i could leave right now. the only person i'm going to miss out of my family is my mom because she has always been there for me and always wanted the best for me. my dad on the other hand just hopes that i fail just like he did. but i will never in any way be like my dad for one instance in my life.
i just feel so lost right now. i haven't talked to my friends in a few days. we did hang out at the begining of this week which was great because i always have such a blast with them. i miss them so much. and last night i was going through all my old stuff in my room looking through old pics, notes, etc. there is someone who i love dearly more than many things in this world that i lost. i don't even know if that person even remembers what i look like but i will never forget the good times we had. i feel so incomplete without this person. but hopefully things will work out in the end because i will wait forever. i had to try new things and this person did too. i just hope there is still a place in that person's heart because he will always be in mine.
another horrible thing is that i can't even play the game that i love. i'm hurt once again and i can't play. but i will be ready by new jersey and colorado next week because they are huge tournaments and my college career depends on how well i do. so i have to go all balls out and tough it out because this will determine the rest of my life practically. its crazy how one choice you make and determine your entire life. its scary but it gives me a major adrenaline rush because i'm so close to my next step in life. its so great to think that i only have one more year living with my parents then i'll be on my own forever. what a great feeling!
everyone goes through their low times in life... well here i go again... everything that i love is being pulled away from me and i feel so helpless. i hate when i lose control and i've def lost it. i just don't know what to do anymore. all i know is that i better get a freakin scholarship somewhere far away from here so i can finally be free and happy.
i just feel so lost right now. i haven't talked to my friends in a few days. we did hang out at the begining of this week which was great because i always have such a blast with them. i miss them so much. and last night i was going through all my old stuff in my room looking through old pics, notes, etc. there is someone who i love dearly more than many things in this world that i lost. i don't even know if that person even remembers what i look like but i will never forget the good times we had. i feel so incomplete without this person. but hopefully things will work out in the end because i will wait forever. i had to try new things and this person did too. i just hope there is still a place in that person's heart because he will always be in mine.
another horrible thing is that i can't even play the game that i love. i'm hurt once again and i can't play. but i will be ready by new jersey and colorado next week because they are huge tournaments and my college career depends on how well i do. so i have to go all balls out and tough it out because this will determine the rest of my life practically. its crazy how one choice you make and determine your entire life. its scary but it gives me a major adrenaline rush because i'm so close to my next step in life. its so great to think that i only have one more year living with my parents then i'll be on my own forever. what a great feeling!
everyone goes through their low times in life... well here i go again... everything that i love is being pulled away from me and i feel so helpless. i hate when i lose control and i've def lost it. i just don't know what to do anymore. all i know is that i better get a freakin scholarship somewhere far away from here so i can finally be free and happy.