(no subject)
So it's about 5am, eric has been over hanging out tonight and that's been nice. lately i have been feeling generally more confident. not necessarily in myself specifically but more so in what i have been thinking and how it gets translated when i formulate it into phrases. typically i feel very mumble-y and sort of vague most all of the time, or i am never really happy with what i say, in relation to how it sounded when i thought it. but lately it's been better.
it's a little unnerving, i sort of wish i could be getting on this and complaining about "how weird it is to be back home" and all of that stuff. it is quite different being alone down in eugene, which is now devoid of all college life, inherently most all life. but it's still beautiful. fucking beautiful. i'll probably never know why.
I have been recording a bunch, and been happy with little. everything is still a mess and it's just overwhelming when i sit down and try to decipher this stupid washy jumble of artificial synths and sinoid folds and filters and shit. trying to tone down the mid-range in everything because it's too much, but compressing never works because i hate what it does to things. i need to learn how to settle with shit. i seriously realized that i don't think i will ever be 100% satisfied with a vocal track, probably the reason why on three of my songs when i hit record on audio track 1 the sample automatically names itself "Audio 1-167" or higher. it gets extremely frustrating. it's either unreasonable perfectionism, or an unreasonable lack of confidence. so i'm learning a bit dealing with that. on the plus side, eric just played trumpet for a song and that is going to sound awesome. i also now have a library of every note that he can play on his trumpet. that is going to be so fun.
i am eager to get home, i miss my family.
it's a little unnerving, i sort of wish i could be getting on this and complaining about "how weird it is to be back home" and all of that stuff. it is quite different being alone down in eugene, which is now devoid of all college life, inherently most all life. but it's still beautiful. fucking beautiful. i'll probably never know why.
I have been recording a bunch, and been happy with little. everything is still a mess and it's just overwhelming when i sit down and try to decipher this stupid washy jumble of artificial synths and sinoid folds and filters and shit. trying to tone down the mid-range in everything because it's too much, but compressing never works because i hate what it does to things. i need to learn how to settle with shit. i seriously realized that i don't think i will ever be 100% satisfied with a vocal track, probably the reason why on three of my songs when i hit record on audio track 1 the sample automatically names itself "Audio 1-167" or higher. it gets extremely frustrating. it's either unreasonable perfectionism, or an unreasonable lack of confidence. so i'm learning a bit dealing with that. on the plus side, eric just played trumpet for a song and that is going to sound awesome. i also now have a library of every note that he can play on his trumpet. that is going to be so fun.
i am eager to get home, i miss my family.