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Click to viewToday was the closest i've ever come to giving myself to the Lord.
And honestly, it's the most amazing feeling I've experienced in so long.
I don't think I'll ever be the type to fully give my life to the Lord,
I might aspire to be that type all the time, but Idk if I could ever do it.
I could be completely off &; in a few days become that person,
but regardless, just growing a true relationship with God right now is enough for me.
Something about tonights youth group really effected me.
Whether it was the message being sent across, about attraction &; everything hidden in everyone;
I somehow was able to let myself go and let myself become free, and be given to God.
I realized tonight that I really have been waiting for you, and pushing you to be with me. Not only to be more than friends, but more recently even just to be friends. And some days it worked, some days it didn't. I've tried consistantly to get your attention in one way or another. As many times as I've told myself, told my friends, told this journal that I'm just going to let things happen between us the way they do, I've never truly given myself the chance to truly do it. I've finally realized that you "promising" to me that we'll have a crazy weekend over the summer, or get back together before I graduate, is just a waiting opportunity.. that I don't HAVE to take. As much as I want it, doesn't mean I have to take it. And for the first time ever, tonight, I saw myself actually saying no. I've finally realized that things really will never ever ever be the same way between us, ever again. And as much as sometimes that really upsets me, everything happens for a reason.
No more denial, No more hiding.
I'm not doing this for revenge, or to get back at you.
This is me doing the right thing, that I've been hiding to do all this time.
"Please know that I'm forever changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me."