Ruby Is Just Smarter Than Dean 3/3
Title: Ruby Is Just Smarter Than Dean, 3/3
Author: abbylover23
Rating: PG13 for Ruby's mouth and Dean's general behaviour.
Genre and/or Pairing: pre Dean/Castiel, Sam/Ruby.
Spoilers: None.
Warnings: Ruby's existence? But ya know, she's like my idea of what Ruby would have been like so maybe that'll help?
Word Count: 3,000
Summary: Ruby has spent hundreds of years watching people but she's never seen UST like Dean and Castiel's. It's hilarious, awesome to wind Dean up with and maybe, just a little bit, she thinks it'd be something that'd make them both happy if they'd ever get their act together. Maybe.
Part 1 | Part 2
When they got back to the motel, dusty and dirty, Dean was pacing back and forth. “What the hell took you so long?!”
“Oh so sorry,” Ruby snapped, “but somebody made us walk three miles to get here and I don’t have a magic angel that would happily swoop in and carry me.”
Dean scowled at her and then looked up at Sam, “have you spoken to Cas?”
“No,” Sam frowned, “I thought he’d be here.”
“No Sam, he’s clearly not!”
“Maybe he’s gone for a walk or something.”
“Oh well that’s just peachy, we’re down one angel and stuck with an ex demon instead.”
“Screw you Dean; it’s not like it’s my fault Cas went off in a stomp. In fact I vaguely recall you going all mean girls on him and basically telling him he was a loser who wasn’t allowed to date.”
Dean gritted his teeth, “Sam please take her away like now.”
Ruby sat down on the bed, toeing off her boots, “I’m not going anywhere. You can huff and puff all you like but you don’t scare me.”
“Damn it I swear to god-”
“Dean relax,” Sam held up a hand as he pulled out his cell, “I’ll see if he answers if I call.”
“Why would he answer to you and not me?”
“Cos you’re a little bitch?” Ruby suggested.
Dean began to move across the room, “I’m-”
“Dean!” Sam stepped in front of him and caught him mid-step, “cut it out, both of you,” he added with a warning glance in Ruby’s direction.
She smirked back and then dropped onto the pillow, “it’s always drama with you Winchester. You can’t just suck it up and be happy can you?”
“I’d be happy if you left and never came back- how far along are you on the plans to go to never never land?”
Ruby sighed dreamily, “oh I’m in my happy place right now sugar.”
Before Dean could respond Sam shushed them both and then hung up his phone.
Dean dived forward in alarm, “you hung up on the guy?! What the hell Sammy?”
“Poor Cas,” Ruby whispered in a dramatic tone, “now he’ll be convinced no-one in the world loves him and he’ll never come back.”
The pure fury in Dean’s gaze as he glanced over at her was a little bit chilling and she reached for the nearest pillow- just in case.
“I didn’t hang up on him dummy,” Sam interrupted, dragging Dean’s attention back to him, “his phone wasn’t on and besides-”
“His phone wasn’t on at all? Oh so now he’s being irresponsible as well behaving like a five year old?”
“Just like you every day of the week,” Ruby muttered.
“Besides,” Sam said again, his voice verging on the edge of desperation as his girlfriend and brother glared daggers across the room; Ruby had her, I’m about to kill you face on and funnily enough, Dean’s was kind of similar. “Cas is outside.”
Both Ruby and Dean lost interest in each other immediately and dived for the window. Ruby suspected they probably looked a little bit ridiculous with their noses pushed up against the glass and once she’d seen Cas for herself (only because if he died Dean would be just impossible to live with, not because she cared or anything ok?) she rolled her eyes and shoved at Dean’s shoulder. “Idiot, why don’t you get on out there then?”
Dean looked uncertain and then tried to cover it up with a shrug, “probably doesn’t wanna see me right?”
Oh Lucifer the angst was going to actually kill her. Seriously, she was going to drown in it weeping and crying and cursing the day she ever heard the name Winchester. Her old demon friends would laugh, she could see it now, her tombstone would read, here lies Ruby; she died because Dean Winchester couldn’t stop crying.
Hell no.
She grabbed her jacket and stuffed her feet in her boots, “you’re a chicken shit Dean Winchester.”
Ignoring Dean’s spluttered protests she marched out of the motel door letting it bang shut behind her. Castiel was perched on top of a crappy old Golf and she took a moment to appreciate how nice his angles looked in the dimming light.... And then mentally slapped herself.
She swung up beside him easily and smiled briefly, it still kind of pained her to smile so mostly she saved them for Sam, but Cas needed one right now.
“Y’alright Cas?”
“Hello Ruby,” he said quietly, “do you require assistance?”
“Nope- well-” she glanced back to the motel room where the curtains inconspicuously twitched. She rolled her eyes, “yeah actually Caster sugar, I do.”
Castiel frowned, his blue eyes clouding with confusion, “Caster sugar?”
“Go with it,” she said waving her a hand before deciding she needed to stand to do this, she could run and hurl if the emotions got too much. She turned to face the angel once she’d jumped back down and she crossed her arms awkwardly, “now look angel face, you and I need to have a little talk.”
“We are doing so now, are we not?”
“Don’t be pedantic Cas; it’s annoying enough that you might be prettier than me.”
The poor angel looked more and more bewildered with each passing second and Ruby realised that this wasn’t exactly going very well. Instead of saying what she’d come out for she was picking on Cas. Beelzebub, this must be exactly how Dean ended up pissing Cas off so much- he wanted to say something girly, chickened out, told Cas he was stupid or something equally un-cool and drove the angel off.
Then cried about it for days.
She shook herself, living with a pining Dean and an oblivious Castiel for eternity was not on her list of things to do, she had to get through this.
“We’re gonna do this in less than twenty sentences ok?”
Castiel surveyed her for a moment, doing that head to the side tilty thing that made women everywhere- and Dean- want to jump him and then nodded seriously, “very well.”
“Here’s how it is. When two people generally spend as much time as you and Dean spend arguing, staring and thinking about each other, it generally means you’d quite like to also be sitting on benches, holding hands, watching sunsets and you know, doing other stuff to each other I’ll come to in a minute. Dean is physically incapable of saying so to you because he would be terrified you’d judge his manhood or some shit but seeing as I’m sure you’ve seen him get his ass kicked a fair few times and you’ve definitely seen him cry, and maybe even beg at some point, you won’t really see a difference between girly Dean and regular Dean. You know what I’m saying?”
Castiel frowned, “Dean and I spend time sitting on benches and Dean enjoys this, therefore I should see him as a woman?”
Ruby was very tempted to say yes and leave it at that. The repercussions would be just hilarious. But then again-
“No angel cake. You like Dean right?”
“Very much.”
“Right! And Dean likes you, very much. You’d both be better off ignoring all waitresses in favour of staring at each other for even longer than usual and you know, sharing plates and shit.”
“Dean does not share his food well.”
“Dean doesn’t share well period Cas. And he doesn’t like sharing you.”
Castiel still didn’t seem to have gathered what she was saying and Ruby was seconds away from throwing herself on the rusty pole sticking out from the concrete a few meters away.
Ok, how to put this without needing stick men diagrams...
She was struck by a wave of inspiration suddenly and kicked herself for not thinking of it sooner. Her dark eyes rose to meet Castiel’s lovely ones and she gave him another smile. She took a deep breath and swore some sort of major revenge on Dean Winchester for this.
“I love Sam. I don’t say it very much because I wasn’t raised with shedloads of emotional baggage that makes me want to hug people and cry and talk about my feelings but I do. I don’t understand him half the time- especially when he’s standing up for Dean-” if she hadn’t been totally focused on the angel she might have missed the almost imperceptible way his shoulders flinched, as if feathers were ruffling behind him. “But I want to be with him, I want to be there when he laughs and be the one who makes him laugh. I want to adopt four kids with him and have a house with a black picket fence outside and two Rottweilers and a kickass record collection that Sam constantly embarrasses by adding Celine Dion and Bryan Adams to. Not that I’ve got any of that stuff planned,” she added hastily, Castiel’s mouth twitched in something akin to amusement but he didn’t say anything.
It warmed her a little; she really did like this awkward, gorgeous angel person. She wanted him to be happy and ok, a tiny, TINY portion of her wanted Dean to be happy. And oh fuck, there she was being human again. Well, if there was ever a time for it, a time to save Dean from a lifetime of celibacy and oh gross images of Dean not being celibate and-
“Ruby?”
She started, dragging her thoughts away from ugh Dean being naked and Castiel was still looking at her intently. Oh yeah, she was talking. She cleared her throat, attempting nonchalance, “my point is Cas, you and Dean. You deserve to have that too. With each other, together,” she added, not wanting him to miss her point again, “except you’ll probably get a white picket fence and Labradors because I know that’s what Dean dreams about.”
“I see.”
Castiel was silent for a moment and Ruby hesitated, shit she knew what she’d seen between them would sell millions of copies in romance novel form, it wasn’t that Cas didn’t feel the same way but maybe she’d pushed him too soon or-
“Dean was angry at me because he thought I had affections for the waitress, Jenna?”
Finally.
The angel continued slowly, “he would like for me to build him a house with a white picket fence?”
“At some point yeah Cas, I’m pretty sure he’d be happy with that. But for now you know- you could maybe just- you know-” ok this bit was more complicated. “You know, like I kiss Sam occasionally?”
“You think I should kiss Dean?”
She jumped back up on the car suddenly feeling immensely pleased with herself, “yes!”
“Very well, I will take you suggestion under advisement.”
“Aw sweetness, that’s the nicest thing anyone’s said to me all day.”
Castiel almost, almost rolled his eyes.
“Thank you for talking to me about this; I was under the illusion Dean did not feel that way about me.”
“Oh he does Cas, trust me.”
“Sometimes, against my better judgement, I do. You are very good to Sam.”
Ruby stared at him in surprise; that she did not expect. “Thanks doll,” she mumbled finally, trying not blush.
They sat in silence for a moment and then she shuddered, she couldn’t let all this sweetness lie. She definitely needed some revenge on Dean for making her go through all that emotional crap and she leant forward, “hey you know how sometimes Sam and I get a different motel room?” Castiel turned to look at her and she smirked, “you and Dean can definitely do that from time to time. Or a lot considering the angel stamina and all.” She wiggled her eyebrows and Cas raised one of his own before flushing and disappearing all together.
Ruby almost fell off the car laughing.
When she let herself back into the motel room Dean jumped away from the window like he’d been burnt, tripped over the chair he was nearest to and landed at the foot of bed. She couldn’t not smile at that. Or laugh.
A lot.
He scowled, “what did you say to him?! He’s gone again!”
She pulled a face, “oh I’m sorry Dean, maybe you shouldn’t send out an evil ex demon who knows nothing about human emotions to go do your dirty work.”
“I didn’t- I was- damn it Ruby!”
There was the familiar sound of wings suddenly and Castiel appeared by the door looking very much like her saving grace, ha pardon the pun but hey, she was funny on occasion. Either way, Castiel had saved her from a very cross Dean.
“Cas!” Dean staggered up from the floor and moved over to the angel looking apologetic, “Cas I’m-” he stopped, awkwardly glancing behind him to where Sam and Ruby were now sitting cross legged on the bed watching. Ruby made a hand gesture as if to say, go on, and he glowered at her before turning back to Cas, “look uh- I’m sorry,” he muttered, scratching at his neck. “And you know uh- I was thinking- you and me... I mean, I don’t want you to be mad and I don’t want to be mad so maybe we should uh-”
“We should build a house together,” Castiel interrupted.
Dean blinked, his mouth dropping open, “uh?”
“A house. And from time to time you should probably kiss me. Ruby thinks this is essential. And she also said you want a Labrador.”
“Wait,” Dean held up a hand, “you and Ruby talked about this?” He turned to look at Ruby incredulously, “what the hell did you say?!”
Before she could respond Castiel had grabbed the front of Dean’s tee shirt and pulled him in to what looked like a seriously good kiss. Ruby tilted her head to the side to admire Castiel’s form, squinting to avoid seeing much of Dean and Sam moved a hand in front of her face. She laughed and pushed his hand away, “but they’re so cute... Well Cas is.”
Dean seemed to realise they had an audience and pulled away (with definite reluctance) and looked up at Cas, blinking a lot. “What was-”
“Ruby said you would not be comfortable discussing this so I thought it best to side step the conversation and-” Castiel suddenly looked massively embarrassed and Ruby rolled her eyes at how useless Dean was at handling these things. He should be all over this turn in events; not pansying out in front of all of them.
She felt protective of Castiel suddenly; she didn’t want Dean to break his heart by freaking out and rejecting him because of dumbass pride. Not to mention the fact that all that heartfelt crap she’d had to go through earlier would be wasted.
“Damn it Dean,” she hissed, “tell him he did the right thing!”
“Shut up Ruby,” he shot back, still staring at Cas. He almost seemed speechless which was a thing of wonder and at another time she’d laugh at him for it but oh on all that was unholy and holy and everything in between did she have to do everything herself?!
She sighed and stood up, gesturing at them both, “Castiel, Dean is currently incapable of speech because he’d like to think neither Sam or myself have any idea he’s been in love with you for like, ever, and Dean, Castiel is waiting for you to tell him you reciprocate the feelings we all know you have and that sometime this century while you’re both still flexible-”
“Ruby!”
“-you should probably act on some of that sexual tension you’ve both been winding up.” She reached for her jacket, “Sam and I are going to the bar across the street so that I can drink myself into an oblivion where I forget I tried to be helpful and caring today. You two damn well need to fix this before tomorrow as I cannot take another day where I don’t know if I’m going to get my food or not because Dean might have killed the waitress for eyeing up his angel!”
All three boys were staring at her incredulously- jaws on the floor- and she scowled, “what?!”
“You... care?” Dean looked like his brain was about to explode and she rolled her eyes, striding towards the door.
“News flash grumpy, I’m basically married to your brother, angel face over there is one of the only people on the planet I actually like and on occasion you make me laugh. I want you all to be happy.” She felt like she was going to burst into flames, “and now I’m going to go meet my other favourite men, Jim, Johnny, Jack and Jose.” She threw back the door, “Sam?!”
“Yeah, coming!” Sam caught up with her, dropping an arm over her shoulder as they walked, “oh my god babe that was incredible!”
She tried to roll her eyes but truthfully, she was kind of nervous, she really, really wanted the Winchester & Angel show to end its first season on a happy note. Season two needed to be about driving across the country, trying to persuade Cas to let her put eyeliner on him in the backseat, kicking Dean’s chair as much as possible, jumping on the bed to wake Sam up every morning forever and ever.
And babies.
At some point.
Sam carried her back to the motel room at two forty five and although she had mostly obliterated all thought she did manage to notice that Dean and Cas were missing various items of clothing and Dean currently had his arms tightly wrapped around his angel and was snoring into Castiel’s neck. Dude that was just gross for Cas.
Well, whatever made them happy...
Fuck she was so human.