twenty-twenty-twenty four hours ago
i wanna be sedated.
counting down to friday.
anxiety attack out of nowhere - well not completely out of nowhere, saw it coming and wasn't able to stop it, but don't know what triggered it - last night. flipped out when i couldn't find my phone. it was on the floor by the bathroom, but i ended up waking the kids up and driving down to solidarity to see if i could find it there. and i was shaking and i don't remember much but that i told tyler that i was trying not to have- was having - was in the middle of a panic attack, and when he asked why, just said that i lost my phone. he was like "yeah but why are you panicking" and i just didn't have an answer....
i stumbled across an article the other day that caught my attention - when i go in for my in tech on friday (the analysis that says what i'm looking for and what i need), i think i might expect to see some results along the lines of postpartum mood disorder and/or posttraumatic stress disorder, along with the usual anxiety/depression. i told them i didn't want meds on the phone, but the more this happens, the more i realize i can't be a good mom in the middle of an attack, and today, i realized that the day after an attack isn't much better. i haven't felt this low in a few years. i was having some really morbid, scary thoughts (not suicidal or anything, but definitely self-harming).
i don't know what all this is about and it's freaking me out - this time, i don't have a clue what the trigger was.
friday can't get here fast enough.
counting down to friday.
anxiety attack out of nowhere - well not completely out of nowhere, saw it coming and wasn't able to stop it, but don't know what triggered it - last night. flipped out when i couldn't find my phone. it was on the floor by the bathroom, but i ended up waking the kids up and driving down to solidarity to see if i could find it there. and i was shaking and i don't remember much but that i told tyler that i was trying not to have- was having - was in the middle of a panic attack, and when he asked why, just said that i lost my phone. he was like "yeah but why are you panicking" and i just didn't have an answer....
i stumbled across an article the other day that caught my attention - when i go in for my in tech on friday (the analysis that says what i'm looking for and what i need), i think i might expect to see some results along the lines of postpartum mood disorder and/or posttraumatic stress disorder, along with the usual anxiety/depression. i told them i didn't want meds on the phone, but the more this happens, the more i realize i can't be a good mom in the middle of an attack, and today, i realized that the day after an attack isn't much better. i haven't felt this low in a few years. i was having some really morbid, scary thoughts (not suicidal or anything, but definitely self-harming).
i don't know what all this is about and it's freaking me out - this time, i don't have a clue what the trigger was.
friday can't get here fast enough.