Oh HAIL no.
I was hired at Taco Bell today. It is turning out to be a day of strange and pleasant coincidences; while filling out my Employee Readiness Evaluation with a ready enthusiasm, my favorite manager at Hardee's, Selena (attractively masculine, humorous, reminds me of my fifth grade D.A.R.E. officer), came trouncing in like she owned the place. Little did I know, this may not be so far from the truth, because as I was about to holler something along the lines of SHIT DAMN FUCK CUNT ASS BITCH she kept on walking right up to the Taco Discrict Manager* and it became clear she was also soon to be employed. When she did notice me, she made sure everyone within a ten-booth radius was aware beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was** "kickass." This undoubtedly helped me a great deal in obtaining my new five-day-a-week schedule. This schedule, for those of you who don't know, is superior to my Hardee's schedule by three days.
At $6.40 an hour, and my promised minimum 31.5 hours a week, I will be making $201.60 weekly before taxes. That's $806.40 a month. If I'm still bored after that, I can keep my job at Hardee's as well. I'm not scheduled on Saturday at Taco Bell until five, and I get off of work at Hardee's at four. This gives me about an hour to find a red vintage English telephone booth and change fast food identities. Making approximately $200 every two weeks after taxes at Hardee's would weild my mission, should I choose to accept it, worthy of about $1000 a month. My phone, room/board, and car insurance bills total up to about $270 a month, which will leave me about $730 to spend as I choose (probably not spending it at all). Let me end this by saying that perhaps the best news of all is how very well I got along with the district manager, and how he looked me straight in the eye when he asked me how much I was currently paid, nodded, and told me that because of my past experience with Taco Bell and general job experience ("impressive for my age"), there was a "really good" chance at my advancement. You-all have probably heard me tell story after blowhard story of how efficient I am at fast food. Things might be looking up. At the very least, they're looking down, but into a money market account I'm going to be able to brag about to you later.
If you skipped this entire entry and scrolled to the bottom to read the footnotes, here's the summary: I don't have anything better to do with my life (consider: anything else to live for), so I'm going to work my ass off and become a complete miser. It's been a sort of dream of mine, you know.
*not actual title
**tense does not portray a lack*** of current kickassity.
***"alack" is totally a word too. I just don't want ya'll to get confused.
At $6.40 an hour, and my promised minimum 31.5 hours a week, I will be making $201.60 weekly before taxes. That's $806.40 a month. If I'm still bored after that, I can keep my job at Hardee's as well. I'm not scheduled on Saturday at Taco Bell until five, and I get off of work at Hardee's at four. This gives me about an hour to find a red vintage English telephone booth and change fast food identities. Making approximately $200 every two weeks after taxes at Hardee's would weild my mission, should I choose to accept it, worthy of about $1000 a month. My phone, room/board, and car insurance bills total up to about $270 a month, which will leave me about $730 to spend as I choose (probably not spending it at all). Let me end this by saying that perhaps the best news of all is how very well I got along with the district manager, and how he looked me straight in the eye when he asked me how much I was currently paid, nodded, and told me that because of my past experience with Taco Bell and general job experience ("impressive for my age"), there was a "really good" chance at my advancement. You-all have probably heard me tell story after blowhard story of how efficient I am at fast food. Things might be looking up. At the very least, they're looking down, but into a money market account I'm going to be able to brag about to you later.
If you skipped this entire entry and scrolled to the bottom to read the footnotes, here's the summary: I don't have anything better to do with my life (consider: anything else to live for), so I'm going to work my ass off and become a complete miser. It's been a sort of dream of mine, you know.
*not actual title
**tense does not portray a lack*** of current kickassity.
***"alack" is totally a word too. I just don't want ya'll to get confused.