Grrrrah.
The last couple of days have not been very pleasant. I'm really looking forward to Serv-A-Thon. I don't even care if people bail. I just can't wait to do something purposeful and outside of myself and to just be there. Not here. Grr.
I hate the fact that I'm always sick. Its this baggage I'd really rather leave behind. But, every time I try to do something fabulous with my life- I'm reminded that my immune system has no balls. What a friggin wimp. I've always got some cold or something or another.
I hate the fact that Henry would rather watch Baby Einstein than play with his momma. My kid has become a television addict; and, he's not even six months old. Brad and I don't have cable, and we don't watch tv. I hate tv addicted kids that need ritalin in order to function. The last thing I wanted to do was have an infant that lived for the tube. I was happy that we didn't watch television.
But, one day, I downloaded a Baby Einstein video- just to see what it was all about. Behold, Henry (at 2 months old) was glued. He loved the stuff. Eventually, I found myself playing the mpeg every now and then, when I needed to take a shower or do the laundry. Now, he literally throws fits for the stuff.
I discovered that neat little trick one day, after he had gotten himself into quite a cranky mood. He was fussing and crying and nothing I did would soothe him. So, out of desperation, I played the video. The minute the Disney logo appeared on the screen, the boy became this placid little angel. His scream turned to smile and he was happy for 30 minutes. Uhh. I hate myself for ever playing that crap for him.
There are other things that are really bugging me, too. But, I'd rather get past all of this. I can't stand negativity and especially this word, hate, that I keep feeling the need to use. I just feel like I'm in a rut.
And, I tried to get out of it today. I woke up early, enjoyed the sunshine. We went down to this little cafe on the river by our house. But, it sucked. I payed six bucks for a tuna-melt that was microwaved and came on wonderbread. Then, like 10 minutes after leaving the place, I started getting sick to my stomach. I don't know if it was food poisoning though, cause I'm still feeling icky and the stuff is long gone from my system. Errr.
It would be really grand if Brad were to bring me home flowers or something like that. But, I know he won't. And, I know stuff like that shouldn't matter. I just need to get over this stupid shit and take responsibility for my own happiness.
K, I'm done. Sorry. ♥
I hate the fact that I'm always sick. Its this baggage I'd really rather leave behind. But, every time I try to do something fabulous with my life- I'm reminded that my immune system has no balls. What a friggin wimp. I've always got some cold or something or another.
I hate the fact that Henry would rather watch Baby Einstein than play with his momma. My kid has become a television addict; and, he's not even six months old. Brad and I don't have cable, and we don't watch tv. I hate tv addicted kids that need ritalin in order to function. The last thing I wanted to do was have an infant that lived for the tube. I was happy that we didn't watch television.
But, one day, I downloaded a Baby Einstein video- just to see what it was all about. Behold, Henry (at 2 months old) was glued. He loved the stuff. Eventually, I found myself playing the mpeg every now and then, when I needed to take a shower or do the laundry. Now, he literally throws fits for the stuff.
I discovered that neat little trick one day, after he had gotten himself into quite a cranky mood. He was fussing and crying and nothing I did would soothe him. So, out of desperation, I played the video. The minute the Disney logo appeared on the screen, the boy became this placid little angel. His scream turned to smile and he was happy for 30 minutes. Uhh. I hate myself for ever playing that crap for him.
There are other things that are really bugging me, too. But, I'd rather get past all of this. I can't stand negativity and especially this word, hate, that I keep feeling the need to use. I just feel like I'm in a rut.
And, I tried to get out of it today. I woke up early, enjoyed the sunshine. We went down to this little cafe on the river by our house. But, it sucked. I payed six bucks for a tuna-melt that was microwaved and came on wonderbread. Then, like 10 minutes after leaving the place, I started getting sick to my stomach. I don't know if it was food poisoning though, cause I'm still feeling icky and the stuff is long gone from my system. Errr.
It would be really grand if Brad were to bring me home flowers or something like that. But, I know he won't. And, I know stuff like that shouldn't matter. I just need to get over this stupid shit and take responsibility for my own happiness.
K, I'm done. Sorry. ♥