Oct 27, 2005 02:20
duece seven - first of all, where are all the comments? i used to get a wide range from a lot of random people. now all i get is comments from my stupid sister tammy, paul doesnt even hurl me anymore - though thats because the hurricane took his electricity. i guess i lost a lot of readers because i neglected this journal for so long, hopefully some of them will realize ive been updating and come out of the woodworks again.
i'd say abotu 62.89 percent of the time i start my journals i do not have a clue what i want to write about. theres no general direction to start, and theres no outline for me to follow. i just have all these thoughts, and i dont know where to put them - how to manifest them - how to write them in a way where somebody reading this can possibly feel what im feeling. see things how i might see them. or just think about things a different way than they once did. no i dont want change peoples views and opinions to emulate mine, i just want to express mine and make people think. so what am i doing here tonight as i write in this journal with no indication of a subject in my mind what so ever? i really dont know. i jsut watched probably my favorite movie of all time for about the 4th time tonight (seeing a movie 2x is a ton for me) and it just always makes me happy. If you missed my reference a few days ago, im talking about "garden state" here. its just one of those movies that i feel i can relate to. i feel like the whole movie is just a bunch of zach braffs "obscurity at its finest" journals. and i love the movie because no matter how f-ed up things get, no matter how weird the situations and people seem to get....it never matters. because they are figuring themselves out, and they are doing it together. its like zach hits rock bottom as he sits there on the couch on ecstasy. everyone aroudn him is yelling partying and
being wild, and hes just sitting there in his own world. hes about as low as he can go in his life, and he finds natalie portman. and they go on this strange journey that never seems to have any direction. no point, no subject what so ever. but they are enjoying these weird times and occurences, because they have each other and both are a little strange themselves. why do i love this movie so much? the characters seem to realize that they cant judge, or take any of this too seriously. because they arent perfect, and to these people they are weird as well. they just go with the flow and dont worry abotu it. i think there are so many thoughts and point of views that are so incredible, and if you just watch the movie and dont pay attention you will never see/realize them.
ok now i love natalie portmans character in that movie, and if you know me you shoudl be able to figure out why. if you cant, then here is 3 hours worth of conversation squeezed into 20 words or less. shes a little off center, she smiles a lot, and she just goes with the flow. she has some great lines in the movie, and i have to address 2 of them. "If you can't laugh at yourself, life's gonna seem a whole lot longer than you like." i sorta base my life on this. here's the deal...people have problems, people have issues. some of us dwell, cry, and as ourselves why things are the way they are. this point of view leaves you longing for those simple moments where you can forget your problems. while it may be hard, real hard for some, it is possible to take these personal sore spots and make them less painful. if you can take these things and laugh at them, if you can take these things and accept them, if you can take these things and view them in a much better light....you will not long for times to forget, you will long for a memory big enough to remember.
another quote she says, "That's life. If nothing else, its life. It's real, and sometimes it f-in hurts, but it's sort of all we have." things happen, life goes on. whether you want it to or not, life will continue without you. i believe that the worst parts of life are not when tragedy strikes...but are times when nothing happens at all. those times you feel bored and restles, those times when deep down you wouldnt mind something making you cry, just so you dont feel so numb. no i am not exaggerating, no im not lying. i honestly feel that feeling nothing is a whole lot worse than feeling bad. (and of course feeling good too). and yes i know that zach braff sorta touches on this in the movie, but ive always thought this, so ill give him an assist i guess. anyway of course i am not saying id rather have my dad die tomorrow suddenly then have nothing happen for 3 weeks straight. but if he was to die, looking back i woudl have pleasant memories, thoughs, and moments that nobody could replace. i would feel how down i was when it happened, and i would grow from that. and i would look at things in a different light. i guess the best way to say it is, i know things will happen in my life that arent my favorite. but i accept those and take those on knowing that without them life wouldnt be real. a numb, or completely happy life would be like the couple who never fights. if a couple doesnt fight its only because they arent being real with their thoughts and emotions. so to second natalies line in "garden state"...thats life, and thats all we have. so let's make it worthwhile.
- oops i guess i really did have a plan the whole time