Pregnant Friends...please read
I have a very good friend who is pregnant and due ANY MINUTE!! Notice I say any minute NOT any day now.. because I am keeping positive thoughts that she will deliver sooner rather than later!!
So, she is cranky because, well she's very pregnant. Also, people keep asking her when she is due and then offering "helpful" comments such as, "wow..your gonna pop..."when's your due date?"..."oh you've still got a while then" or simply (ha!) re-living THEIR own childbirth story...right there!! wherever she is!! and she doesn't even know them! Causing her to feel, well, like this: "I will hit some old lady, I will annika."
haha
I told her she could have a great time with this if she just relaxes and has some fun with it, so I started typing out responses she could give these "do-gooders" (I prefer evil-doers)Mostly to make her laugh, but really, some were pretty good.. so then I said, "OMG, I could totally post these as a sort of self-help for women who are DUE...so here they are:
next time someone asks,
Q: "when are you due?"
A: "I'm not pregnant! how DARE you!
are you calling me FAT?
ARE YOU?
Bring it!!
Q:"when are you due?"
A:"Well, I JUST found out I'm pregnant, so it's awhile to go yet."
(smile sweetly)
Q:"you're ready to pop"
A: "god I HOPE not! I thought they came out the butt, wait, babies come out the butt right?
(10 points to whoever can identify that line!!)
Q:"How far along are you?" OR "When are you due?"
A: "Well we had a lil trouble, so the fertility treatments FINALLY worked and now we should be welcoming lil' Abby, Grace, Tyler, Aiden and Zach sometime around Xmas"
(feel free to insert any nearing holiday that is CLEARLY farther than your due date)
Q: "Should you be drinking that coffee?"
A: "look, its been hard enough, I changed from regular budweiser to bud light for pregnancy....giving up coffee, I just couldnt do."
Q:"Wow you are Huge!!!"
A:"I know imagine if I were pregnant!!!!"
Q:"Are you having twins?"
A:"Yes, would you like to see them? They're in here!"
and I'd start to open my bag
Q: "You're only seven months pregnant? You look farther along than that."
A: "I know. The worst part is that I think that my husband may be cheating on me, so I am not even sure the baby is mine."
*starts crying and leans on said person's shoulder*
Q: "You look ready to deliver"
A: "Yeah, funny you mention that...I am actually 13 months pregnant. I have no idea what's going on..."
and to round this off..(pun intended)
"I KNOW! I'm huge. You should see the ultrasounds. The kid's got a head like an Easter Island statue."
"Why ever would you say something so inappropriate and hurtful?"
and just wait there with dead silence.
"Yeah, we're not skimping with this one. And I'm really enjoying myself."
"Yeah, I'm fat, but I was hungry and that dwarf was freakin' huge"
:shrug: "Well, they said itw as an all you can eat buffet"
"Twins, not sure, but the real question is whose?"
"Yes, I'm having twins, can you buy us lunch?"
"Nope, it's black hole and will soon engulf us all. Sorry."
:cock eyebrow, with a sly look: "They didn't look everywhere for those WMDs"
"Na, just stealing office supplies"
So, she is cranky because, well she's very pregnant. Also, people keep asking her when she is due and then offering "helpful" comments such as, "wow..your gonna pop..."when's your due date?"..."oh you've still got a while then" or simply (ha!) re-living THEIR own childbirth story...right there!! wherever she is!! and she doesn't even know them! Causing her to feel, well, like this: "I will hit some old lady, I will annika."
haha
I told her she could have a great time with this if she just relaxes and has some fun with it, so I started typing out responses she could give these "do-gooders" (I prefer evil-doers)Mostly to make her laugh, but really, some were pretty good.. so then I said, "OMG, I could totally post these as a sort of self-help for women who are DUE...so here they are:
next time someone asks,
Q: "when are you due?"
A: "I'm not pregnant! how DARE you!
are you calling me FAT?
ARE YOU?
Bring it!!
Q:"when are you due?"
A:"Well, I JUST found out I'm pregnant, so it's awhile to go yet."
(smile sweetly)
Q:"you're ready to pop"
A: "god I HOPE not! I thought they came out the butt, wait, babies come out the butt right?
(10 points to whoever can identify that line!!)
Q:"How far along are you?" OR "When are you due?"
A: "Well we had a lil trouble, so the fertility treatments FINALLY worked and now we should be welcoming lil' Abby, Grace, Tyler, Aiden and Zach sometime around Xmas"
(feel free to insert any nearing holiday that is CLEARLY farther than your due date)
Q: "Should you be drinking that coffee?"
A: "look, its been hard enough, I changed from regular budweiser to bud light for pregnancy....giving up coffee, I just couldnt do."
Q:"Wow you are Huge!!!"
A:"I know imagine if I were pregnant!!!!"
Q:"Are you having twins?"
A:"Yes, would you like to see them? They're in here!"
and I'd start to open my bag
Q: "You're only seven months pregnant? You look farther along than that."
A: "I know. The worst part is that I think that my husband may be cheating on me, so I am not even sure the baby is mine."
*starts crying and leans on said person's shoulder*
Q: "You look ready to deliver"
A: "Yeah, funny you mention that...I am actually 13 months pregnant. I have no idea what's going on..."
and to round this off..(pun intended)
"I KNOW! I'm huge. You should see the ultrasounds. The kid's got a head like an Easter Island statue."
"Why ever would you say something so inappropriate and hurtful?"
and just wait there with dead silence.
"Yeah, we're not skimping with this one. And I'm really enjoying myself."
"Yeah, I'm fat, but I was hungry and that dwarf was freakin' huge"
:shrug: "Well, they said itw as an all you can eat buffet"
"Twins, not sure, but the real question is whose?"
"Yes, I'm having twins, can you buy us lunch?"
"Nope, it's black hole and will soon engulf us all. Sorry."
:cock eyebrow, with a sly look: "They didn't look everywhere for those WMDs"
"Na, just stealing office supplies"