[Memories] "I'll Kill You"
Recently I was getting into a discussion on Bear411 about stupid things we've done in our past. I admit, in my younger days I'd made some incredibly stupid decisions. Pull up a chair and let me tell you about one:
His name was Ron, and we worked at the same groocery store in a small suburb to the south of Chicago. I had just turned nineteen years old, and was very aware of what I found attractive in a man, and that -- at the time at least -- was Ron. About 6'6", with a nice goatee, wide shoulders, a cuddly build, and a hot ass, I caught myself gawking at this young hefty cub.
He soon after quit, and I heard through mutual friends that he'd started working at a gas station not so far away, and that he'd been known to have been intimate with men since high school. My heart practically skipped beats, knowing that this was my chance!! That night, I stopped into the gas station, and we shot the shit.
I hung around, looking at random items, trying to build up courage. And then I heard him walk past me and go, "... did ... did you need something?" God, stupid, stupid, stupid! I was so obvious!! My heart rate, from the moment I heard his voice, shot up about 100 beats per minute. I gulped as I felt the sweat pour down my brow and my hands shaking the copy of Weekly World News I wasn't even really reading.
"L ... listen, Ron ... I ..." I stuttered, knowing how big of an idiot I must have seemed. Just say it, I thought to myself! Say it!!
"Listen, I think you're really hot."
"... Really now," he said, not really reasponding. "Well you never mentioned it before. Weren't you dating some girl?"
Ah yes, the famous "I'm not brave enough to be out yet" PRONOUN game. "Yeah, that was a guy."
"Oh, I see," he said, as he put something on a shelf and walked away, going towards the auto garage connected to the gas station.
There was silence. There was almost no response. And that lack of a response caused me to panic, further aggravating the doubts slamming inside my mind that this was a bad idea, like a man in a straitjacket slams against padded walls.
Then I heard his voice, from the garage. "Roger, could you come here a second?"
My heartbeat could be felt throughout my entire body, as I walked slowly to the garage, the sound of my footsteps resonating throughout the empty gas station.
And that's when I saw him unbuttons his jeans. "I don't normally do this, but fuck it, let's give this a go," he said. A wave of ecstasy flooded me as I saw his blue briefs once his jeans parted. I walked over, my hands rubbing the silhouette of his cock, begging to be released. My hands roamed his stomach, covered in blonde fur, and soon my fingers traced his waistband, pulling his briefs down. Out popped what was, up to that point, the biggest dick I had ever seen. Not only was it thick like the rest of this furry beast in front of me, but was a little more than nine inches in length.
My small hands tugged on the swollen member, my thumb tracing the contour of his foreskin. I was in utter awe. "... you have a nice dick," I managed to blurt out. He smiled and, in his deep voice, he responded, "Thanks ... what's your dick like?"
"Well," I responded, "guys have told me I have a big dick."
"Well let's see it then."
I all too eagerly dropped my drawers, and my semi-hardon was exposed. His beefy paw gave it a few tugs. "Well I suppose it would be big," he said. "... you know, for someone your size."
Wow, that kind of stung back then! My dick and its supposed size had been a source of pride for my very brief time as a sexually active man, and just like that, it had been taken away.
"So, yeah, if you want this you better make it quick," he said in a gruff tone, shaking his cock towards me. I shook off my disappointment and irritation and started choking his dick down. Despite my anger, I enjoyed sucking his meat down, my tongue exploring his foreskin, my hands rhythmically running down his thick shaft, the taste of his precum invading my taste buds.
Suddenly a sound was heard from outside, and I could feel Ron's body jerk. "Shit. Hide!" I didn't know what to do, so I yanked my pants up and went behind a stack of tires. I could hear Ron's heavy foosteps against the floor as they ran into the gas station, and I stayed behind the tires, hearing nothing, seeing nothing.
Time continued to pass, and I stayed hidden. It got to the point where I couldn't even tell how much time had passed. Was I supposed to stay hidden? Was there some signal that I could come out? Was it a customer? Another empolyee? Maybe I could just leave?? I went with that last gut feeling, and walked away from the tires, walking towards garage exit opposite the gas station, and that's when I saw Ron's face. His eyes were first that of surprise, and then of anger. I ran out and walked home, not getting home until almost three in the morning.
The next day all I could think of was what had transpired. I was filled with a myriad of emotions: lust, confusion, guilt, anger. I pulled the white pages out from my pantry, and looked up Ron's number. I dialed him up, and his voice was one of initial surprise. I confessed I had a good time, and that I'd love to do that again.
"... and I'm sorry I had to leave. I didn't know what else to do," I admitted.
"That was my BOSS in there," Ron said, the anger in his voice being enough to stop me cold. "I could have gotten fired you little FUCK."
"I ... I didn't know, I'm sorry!!"
"Listen asshole, you ever tell ANYONE what happened, I'll fucking KILL YOU, you HEAR me???"
He slammed his receiver down, and the line went silent. My face paled, and it felt like my heart stopped. Just what had I gotten myself into?
Later that afternoon, I laid on the couch, staring up at the ceiling, replaying the last day's worth of events, beating myself over every single detail. All I could think, was how I was so stupid to have put myself in such a situation, and that had I handled things differently, I might have had at least a friend and not someone so scared of my outing him that he'd beat my ass. Eventually he calmed down, but Ron remained distant from me, and in a couiple of ways I can't blame him. I suppose, if anything, I can say that I learned better.
Surely everyone has a "damn I was an idiot" story like this, right?
His name was Ron, and we worked at the same groocery store in a small suburb to the south of Chicago. I had just turned nineteen years old, and was very aware of what I found attractive in a man, and that -- at the time at least -- was Ron. About 6'6", with a nice goatee, wide shoulders, a cuddly build, and a hot ass, I caught myself gawking at this young hefty cub.
He soon after quit, and I heard through mutual friends that he'd started working at a gas station not so far away, and that he'd been known to have been intimate with men since high school. My heart practically skipped beats, knowing that this was my chance!! That night, I stopped into the gas station, and we shot the shit.
I hung around, looking at random items, trying to build up courage. And then I heard him walk past me and go, "... did ... did you need something?" God, stupid, stupid, stupid! I was so obvious!! My heart rate, from the moment I heard his voice, shot up about 100 beats per minute. I gulped as I felt the sweat pour down my brow and my hands shaking the copy of Weekly World News I wasn't even really reading.
"L ... listen, Ron ... I ..." I stuttered, knowing how big of an idiot I must have seemed. Just say it, I thought to myself! Say it!!
"Listen, I think you're really hot."
"... Really now," he said, not really reasponding. "Well you never mentioned it before. Weren't you dating some girl?"
Ah yes, the famous "I'm not brave enough to be out yet" PRONOUN game. "Yeah, that was a guy."
"Oh, I see," he said, as he put something on a shelf and walked away, going towards the auto garage connected to the gas station.
There was silence. There was almost no response. And that lack of a response caused me to panic, further aggravating the doubts slamming inside my mind that this was a bad idea, like a man in a straitjacket slams against padded walls.
Then I heard his voice, from the garage. "Roger, could you come here a second?"
My heartbeat could be felt throughout my entire body, as I walked slowly to the garage, the sound of my footsteps resonating throughout the empty gas station.
And that's when I saw him unbuttons his jeans. "I don't normally do this, but fuck it, let's give this a go," he said. A wave of ecstasy flooded me as I saw his blue briefs once his jeans parted. I walked over, my hands rubbing the silhouette of his cock, begging to be released. My hands roamed his stomach, covered in blonde fur, and soon my fingers traced his waistband, pulling his briefs down. Out popped what was, up to that point, the biggest dick I had ever seen. Not only was it thick like the rest of this furry beast in front of me, but was a little more than nine inches in length.
My small hands tugged on the swollen member, my thumb tracing the contour of his foreskin. I was in utter awe. "... you have a nice dick," I managed to blurt out. He smiled and, in his deep voice, he responded, "Thanks ... what's your dick like?"
"Well," I responded, "guys have told me I have a big dick."
"Well let's see it then."
I all too eagerly dropped my drawers, and my semi-hardon was exposed. His beefy paw gave it a few tugs. "Well I suppose it would be big," he said. "... you know, for someone your size."
Wow, that kind of stung back then! My dick and its supposed size had been a source of pride for my very brief time as a sexually active man, and just like that, it had been taken away.
"So, yeah, if you want this you better make it quick," he said in a gruff tone, shaking his cock towards me. I shook off my disappointment and irritation and started choking his dick down. Despite my anger, I enjoyed sucking his meat down, my tongue exploring his foreskin, my hands rhythmically running down his thick shaft, the taste of his precum invading my taste buds.
Suddenly a sound was heard from outside, and I could feel Ron's body jerk. "Shit. Hide!" I didn't know what to do, so I yanked my pants up and went behind a stack of tires. I could hear Ron's heavy foosteps against the floor as they ran into the gas station, and I stayed behind the tires, hearing nothing, seeing nothing.
Time continued to pass, and I stayed hidden. It got to the point where I couldn't even tell how much time had passed. Was I supposed to stay hidden? Was there some signal that I could come out? Was it a customer? Another empolyee? Maybe I could just leave?? I went with that last gut feeling, and walked away from the tires, walking towards garage exit opposite the gas station, and that's when I saw Ron's face. His eyes were first that of surprise, and then of anger. I ran out and walked home, not getting home until almost three in the morning.
The next day all I could think of was what had transpired. I was filled with a myriad of emotions: lust, confusion, guilt, anger. I pulled the white pages out from my pantry, and looked up Ron's number. I dialed him up, and his voice was one of initial surprise. I confessed I had a good time, and that I'd love to do that again.
"... and I'm sorry I had to leave. I didn't know what else to do," I admitted.
"That was my BOSS in there," Ron said, the anger in his voice being enough to stop me cold. "I could have gotten fired you little FUCK."
"I ... I didn't know, I'm sorry!!"
"Listen asshole, you ever tell ANYONE what happened, I'll fucking KILL YOU, you HEAR me???"
He slammed his receiver down, and the line went silent. My face paled, and it felt like my heart stopped. Just what had I gotten myself into?
Later that afternoon, I laid on the couch, staring up at the ceiling, replaying the last day's worth of events, beating myself over every single detail. All I could think, was how I was so stupid to have put myself in such a situation, and that had I handled things differently, I might have had at least a friend and not someone so scared of my outing him that he'd beat my ass. Eventually he calmed down, but Ron remained distant from me, and in a couiple of ways I can't blame him. I suppose, if anything, I can say that I learned better.
Surely everyone has a "damn I was an idiot" story like this, right?