Back from visiting my father ...
This weekend I was finally able to see my father in the hospital. Egad, so much has happened since I saw him after Grandpa's funeral. My brother tried to prepare me for what I was going to see when he showed me a picture he took with his cell phone of my father having a tube down his throat and about a million machines hooked to him. That right there just jarred me, as they talked with me about the kind of cancer my father has. Apparently the cancer is inoperable -- removing a lung or the like is apparently impossible without causing further spread, if I understand correctly. There's also, unfortunately, a high chance of this particular lung cancer reappearing, particularly in the brain, which would mean that this whole fight right now is very likely only for a limited amount of time -- still, they said that my dad would never walk and end up mentally crippled from his aneurysm and he pulled through -- that's what I keep telling myself. Still, right now they're giving him a 50/50 shot of even making it past this particular stage.
He's been sedated for the past two weeks, in part because of erratic heart rates but also because of initially trying to pull off everything he had hooked up to him. He has a tracheotomy now to make things a bit more comfortable (that and from what I've been told the tube that they had inserted could only stay in so long without risk of infection). He's fighting pneumonia right now and from the X-rays that's at least clearing (thank God I have a medically minded partner who can read such things). Still, my dad looks thin and emaciated. His beard is gone and the stress of everything that's been happening is reflected in his face. His jaw is on an odd angle -- from the tube? I don't know. It really is hard to see him like this. At least I didn't bawl or go into hysterics, and that's a plus -- but a lot of that was released at my sister's house ...
And my mother? ... she's obviously not taking this well at all. First she lost her father (who she was quite close to) and now this has completely shaken her. Her reactions to things seem more manic-depressive, and she's NOT been sleeping. Indeed, she goes to bed, but apparently she hasn't drifted to REM sleep since Dad was admitted. She scared the fuck out of me when I was there as she was in bed, and I didn't hear her sleep (something I've heard her do for, oh, only 27 years now), breathe, or ANYTHING -- it was a little disturbing. The lack of sleep has made her seriously loopy (she was apparently talking to a door a few days before I got there), and she seems to be in denial about everything that's going on,. :: sigh :: I don't know what to do to help her.
He's been sedated for the past two weeks, in part because of erratic heart rates but also because of initially trying to pull off everything he had hooked up to him. He has a tracheotomy now to make things a bit more comfortable (that and from what I've been told the tube that they had inserted could only stay in so long without risk of infection). He's fighting pneumonia right now and from the X-rays that's at least clearing (thank God I have a medically minded partner who can read such things). Still, my dad looks thin and emaciated. His beard is gone and the stress of everything that's been happening is reflected in his face. His jaw is on an odd angle -- from the tube? I don't know. It really is hard to see him like this. At least I didn't bawl or go into hysterics, and that's a plus -- but a lot of that was released at my sister's house ...
And my mother? ... she's obviously not taking this well at all. First she lost her father (who she was quite close to) and now this has completely shaken her. Her reactions to things seem more manic-depressive, and she's NOT been sleeping. Indeed, she goes to bed, but apparently she hasn't drifted to REM sleep since Dad was admitted. She scared the fuck out of me when I was there as she was in bed, and I didn't hear her sleep (something I've heard her do for, oh, only 27 years now), breathe, or ANYTHING -- it was a little disturbing. The lack of sleep has made her seriously loopy (she was apparently talking to a door a few days before I got there), and she seems to be in denial about everything that's going on,. :: sigh :: I don't know what to do to help her.