reminising
This is my Top 10 Favorite Thing's I've Ever Written in Livejournal (started Jan. 25th, 2004) :
10. then after the game, we headed over to evies for a great night ! me and courtney spent the night and we watched cruel intentions... and just had a really fun night. even though it was a little scary for a second. with evie on top of us and everything. hahaha.
9. If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy. HAHA.
8. everyone confuses me. i can't really fathom the idea of being 18 in like 8 months. i dont want to grow up anymore and i dont want to deal with things. i want people to stop being so dramatic and just chill out. were in high school. its not that crucial to your life who your dating or who your not, or what group your in or which one your not, or what you wear or who your friends with. its all petty stuff. and it all wont matter in a year. we'll be in college and you'll be lucky if you know like 2 people there. let things go. everyone talks about someone and everyone fucks up once in a while. and everyone deserves to be forgiven for stupid things like that. ive realized that. and ive realized i really dont care about what people think about me. especially people that dont even know me. i care about what my friends think and if your not my friend, dont waste your time trying to tell me what you think of me because your opinion means about as much to me as mine means to you. so grow up. quickly.
7. had pe crew lunch. ohhhh yessss. that was about the highlight of the week. especially when "ev, do you know what im thinking" "dont do it"
6. satisfaction is not possible in high school. or in high school relationships. friendship and other. because no matter what you say, you would be extremely lucky to be one of the few whose relationship actually turns to marriage or anything after high school. and if your not in it for those reasons, what is the point? i swear nothing makes sense to me.
5. i do not understand why i think the way i do. i refuse to follow my own feelings constently. i talk myself out of feeling the way i do and i dont understand why. sometimes it is for my own good.... but usually i am just royally screwing myself over out of being happy. and ill probably continue to do it because i refuse to possibly make myself look weak. i would rather be strong than happy. i guess eventually it will all work out for me. at least i hope so.
4. im over guys. this has been said countless times by me i know. i dont understand why everything must be so difficult. i miss the simpleness of relationships so so much. when you could just right a note, do you like me, circle yes or no. that was so much easier than stupid emotions that screw everything up. im so sick of having to go through break ups and let downs of relationships.... and non-exsistant ones, the ones you secretly wish could be.
3. No my friends, this was a night of just hanging out with people I haven't seen pretty much at all this summer and people I just love so much. (Ex. Curtis Brown, Vincent Cross, Clif Gustafson) Oh, and I met/kind of already knew but I'm not really sure how, Tim Curtis, and he's pretty awesome too. Oh, and Clif slept in the bathtub.
2. I thank God every day for the people He has brought into my life, especially Evie. If she does nothing else spectacular with her life, which I know she will, she has already succeeded in a way I only hope I can. She became my first honest-to-God, true friend and she brought me to the Lord. And that is the best gift anyone could ever give to someone. No question.
1. Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.
10. then after the game, we headed over to evies for a great night ! me and courtney spent the night and we watched cruel intentions... and just had a really fun night. even though it was a little scary for a second. with evie on top of us and everything. hahaha.
9. If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy. HAHA.
8. everyone confuses me. i can't really fathom the idea of being 18 in like 8 months. i dont want to grow up anymore and i dont want to deal with things. i want people to stop being so dramatic and just chill out. were in high school. its not that crucial to your life who your dating or who your not, or what group your in or which one your not, or what you wear or who your friends with. its all petty stuff. and it all wont matter in a year. we'll be in college and you'll be lucky if you know like 2 people there. let things go. everyone talks about someone and everyone fucks up once in a while. and everyone deserves to be forgiven for stupid things like that. ive realized that. and ive realized i really dont care about what people think about me. especially people that dont even know me. i care about what my friends think and if your not my friend, dont waste your time trying to tell me what you think of me because your opinion means about as much to me as mine means to you. so grow up. quickly.
7. had pe crew lunch. ohhhh yessss. that was about the highlight of the week. especially when "ev, do you know what im thinking" "dont do it"
6. satisfaction is not possible in high school. or in high school relationships. friendship and other. because no matter what you say, you would be extremely lucky to be one of the few whose relationship actually turns to marriage or anything after high school. and if your not in it for those reasons, what is the point? i swear nothing makes sense to me.
5. i do not understand why i think the way i do. i refuse to follow my own feelings constently. i talk myself out of feeling the way i do and i dont understand why. sometimes it is for my own good.... but usually i am just royally screwing myself over out of being happy. and ill probably continue to do it because i refuse to possibly make myself look weak. i would rather be strong than happy. i guess eventually it will all work out for me. at least i hope so.
4. im over guys. this has been said countless times by me i know. i dont understand why everything must be so difficult. i miss the simpleness of relationships so so much. when you could just right a note, do you like me, circle yes or no. that was so much easier than stupid emotions that screw everything up. im so sick of having to go through break ups and let downs of relationships.... and non-exsistant ones, the ones you secretly wish could be.
3. No my friends, this was a night of just hanging out with people I haven't seen pretty much at all this summer and people I just love so much. (Ex. Curtis Brown, Vincent Cross, Clif Gustafson) Oh, and I met/kind of already knew but I'm not really sure how, Tim Curtis, and he's pretty awesome too. Oh, and Clif slept in the bathtub.
2. I thank God every day for the people He has brought into my life, especially Evie. If she does nothing else spectacular with her life, which I know she will, she has already succeeded in a way I only hope I can. She became my first honest-to-God, true friend and she brought me to the Lord. And that is the best gift anyone could ever give to someone. No question.
1. Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.