Every single time........
Um... yeah.... So I went to the beach today and it was totally awesome. Even though no one was with me that I really wanted to be there it felt good just to be AT the beach and lying out in the beautiful sun... but um... MY BAD I didn't put much sunscreen on and I definitely didn't reapply after I came out of the water and I fell asleep... first on my stomach for an hour, woke up, turned over, and fell asleep for another hour on the other side. I don't even know how I did it.... but I do know that my legs hurt like a bitch!!! I sure do wish that a favor could be returned, from someone, about applying aloe vera gel... lol. The sad part is I'm not kidding. lol.
Then I ended up in a HUGE fight with my grandparents and I was seriously ready to say fuck you and move out. I finally got fed up with them bitching to everyone else about shit that we don't do... so I told my grandfather that if he has something to bitch about that he should say it to me and stop telling everyone else. So he was like "You're living in my house and you cannot tell me who to bitch to and who not to!" And I was like "Yeah but you just bitch to everyone else and somehow you expect me to know that you're pissed off and I don't know how that's possible because I can't read your mind! Tell me what I'm doing wrong and what you want me to do not everyone else!"
And that was all on the phone, so then I come home and I start doing shit, setting the table, doing the dishes, slamming shit around totally pissed, ate completely silently, and just got up and started cleaning again. And my grandmother was like "Wow, it scares me so much how much your like me. (I think this is around the time that I threw up. lol) I mean first the led foot and how fast you drive, and now how you get mad and just slam stuff around but work really hard." And I was like "No, that's not because I'm mad. When I'm mad I blow up and then get really really really quiet. I'm doing work because I don't want to get bitched at for doing nothing again. I don't know what you expect me to do around here if you don't tell me what to do. Yeah, the dishes and stuff after I use them and after we eat and what not, but I DO THAT. And how often am I here to eat anyway? I'm usually working. And I'm sorry but when I wake up in the morning, the first thing on my mind is not 'Does the floor need to be swept today?' I need you to tell me what you want done because sometimes when I do try to do things you get mad about that too, saying that I could have choosen to do that some other time and do something else instead!" And then she just kind apologized to me for my grandfather and herself and hugged us and sent us on our way and whatever. It was lame. And I'm still pissed off.... I have to get it together... seriously!
But Canada is coming up soon!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!
"I didn't want to admit that he was one of the greatest things that has ever walked into my life. I wouldn't have believed it if you had told me that the day I met him. I never thought it was possible that all that we had, happened to me, for real. I didnt even think it was possible for anyone to make me feel the way he made me feel. It was like, he was my best friend and I knew I could tell him anything, and he was so much more than that... when we touched and flirted and hung out and did other more crazy things. lol. He was like, my everything, and yet I didn't think that that was possible." - Me.
I think I finally put it into words that I don't want to forget. He was my everything, something unexpected, surreal, and unbelieveably, love. It was all worth it.... even the pain I'm feeling now. Because now I know I can feel it, and it does exist. Now I know that the time it lasts is everything. And now I know that it gets better and better every single time..........
Then I ended up in a HUGE fight with my grandparents and I was seriously ready to say fuck you and move out. I finally got fed up with them bitching to everyone else about shit that we don't do... so I told my grandfather that if he has something to bitch about that he should say it to me and stop telling everyone else. So he was like "You're living in my house and you cannot tell me who to bitch to and who not to!" And I was like "Yeah but you just bitch to everyone else and somehow you expect me to know that you're pissed off and I don't know how that's possible because I can't read your mind! Tell me what I'm doing wrong and what you want me to do not everyone else!"
And that was all on the phone, so then I come home and I start doing shit, setting the table, doing the dishes, slamming shit around totally pissed, ate completely silently, and just got up and started cleaning again. And my grandmother was like "Wow, it scares me so much how much your like me. (I think this is around the time that I threw up. lol) I mean first the led foot and how fast you drive, and now how you get mad and just slam stuff around but work really hard." And I was like "No, that's not because I'm mad. When I'm mad I blow up and then get really really really quiet. I'm doing work because I don't want to get bitched at for doing nothing again. I don't know what you expect me to do around here if you don't tell me what to do. Yeah, the dishes and stuff after I use them and after we eat and what not, but I DO THAT. And how often am I here to eat anyway? I'm usually working. And I'm sorry but when I wake up in the morning, the first thing on my mind is not 'Does the floor need to be swept today?' I need you to tell me what you want done because sometimes when I do try to do things you get mad about that too, saying that I could have choosen to do that some other time and do something else instead!" And then she just kind apologized to me for my grandfather and herself and hugged us and sent us on our way and whatever. It was lame. And I'm still pissed off.... I have to get it together... seriously!
But Canada is coming up soon!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!
"I didn't want to admit that he was one of the greatest things that has ever walked into my life. I wouldn't have believed it if you had told me that the day I met him. I never thought it was possible that all that we had, happened to me, for real. I didnt even think it was possible for anyone to make me feel the way he made me feel. It was like, he was my best friend and I knew I could tell him anything, and he was so much more than that... when we touched and flirted and hung out and did other more crazy things. lol. He was like, my everything, and yet I didn't think that that was possible." - Me.
I think I finally put it into words that I don't want to forget. He was my everything, something unexpected, surreal, and unbelieveably, love. It was all worth it.... even the pain I'm feeling now. Because now I know I can feel it, and it does exist. Now I know that the time it lasts is everything. And now I know that it gets better and better every single time..........