(no subject)

[a_rose_so_sweet]

im so exauhsted physically and mentally. ive had more break downs in the past month than i have had in my whole life. im just so tired of everything. i cant take it anymore. im sick of never being good enough, the feeling that you'll never be as pretty as someone or as talented or as perfect. ive lived my whole life for other people and now i dont know how to live it for myself. i cant make a dicision without thinking about if so and so would approve. and im tired of getting hurt, but i guess i brought that upon myself. im used to being treated badly; so much that it doesnt bother me anymore and its a normal occurence in my life. i let people push me around and use me to their own advantage. and even though i do all this for people they tell me that i need to show them that i care. after all the pain they put me through, everything that i gave up, how i put my life on hold so that they could be happy, im still not good enough? well with the help of one of my friends im starting to realize that just maybe im better than this. or at least he thinks so. i dont know... i guess because of things in my past i think its ok for people to treat me like shit, but it does still hurt me. buuut like i said i bring it all on myself so it's my fault. maybe one day ill find someone who will respect me and then i will finally respect myself. what's sad is i think ive already found that someone, but it wont happen so o0o well.

dont wanna be, dont wanna be wrong
youre leaving me, youre leaving me
in lieu of this song

*kill me while i still believe that you were meant for me*