Where do I stand?
i just thought that would be a good title for a song, or a band, or an album or something...
but anyways i havent posted in awhile, i guess i'll just rant now.
Yesterday was my birthday. It was uneventful. I got warped tour tickets which was cool. but other than that. i had leftovers from my fam party the night before, and leftover cake hah. No I am not shunned, my mom made me another cake/cupcake thing but i preferred the other cake. Then i had to write an essay for my english final and study for a precalc test and a chem test. jeeze. I worked after school but got out early because not many people were there. I work at Dairy Queen btw.
At 6:30 i met up with two friends for a birthday dinner. I'll just call them H and R. H and R are both 21, as of yesterday, I am 17. And you know, sometimes it's not bad to have a bunch of friends who are older. I have a group of friends in their 20s, and sometimes they give really good advice, and they're just fun to be around. Plus i think i'm a bit mature for my age. However, on occasions when it is just me H and R they tend to have a lot more to converse about. For example, college, work (a plac ei couldnt get a job at), and their other friends etc. etc. don't get me wrong, it's always fun to see them because i don't get to often. But then again, when i do see them i'd like to have a bit more to say. They are like my sisters, i spent 2 whole summers with them plus the contact we kept between summers etc. It just sucks to feel left out, and i'm probably exagerating a bit seeing as they invited me out to eat and even paid for me. I feel selfish. But then again, i don't often have plans/friends to hang out with because they are all older or live farther away or even both.
It sucks to be confused. i know that my friends, older and the same age love me. And i know they would never purposefully make me feel this way. It's wierd because if we are one on one i feel completely different. We're on the same page and they ask me questions and vice versa. Idk maybe it's just that weird age difference. idk we'll see how it goes i'm pretty sure i'm not just going to be dropped like that...
other than confusing situations i have finals next week...and SATs tomorrow and ACTs next saturday. Standardised (spelling?) testing is bullshit. nobody ever is going to be put in that situation again and how the fuck do you know me/judge me by a test score? what if i just don't do well on tests but i know the material? bullshit i say.
tomorrow i'm going out again for my birthday. idk if it'll be to exciting. i wish i could be 100% sure that i wouldn't get caught because i feel like it would be the perfect opportunity to get completely wasted and not care about anything, lose the stress of the final week of school. mind you, i've never even been near to being buzzed. i'd probably chicken out anyways.
writing like this makes me think, and sometimes i get sad. but now i'm thinking i dont have too much to be sad about, everybody has drama, confusion, stress...stop being a pussy. and i never use that word.
i thought i would have even more to say, but i guess i dont. I dont even need to read this again.
Every once in awhile i just need to rant. I wonder if i could rant in spanish?
but anyways i havent posted in awhile, i guess i'll just rant now.
Yesterday was my birthday. It was uneventful. I got warped tour tickets which was cool. but other than that. i had leftovers from my fam party the night before, and leftover cake hah. No I am not shunned, my mom made me another cake/cupcake thing but i preferred the other cake. Then i had to write an essay for my english final and study for a precalc test and a chem test. jeeze. I worked after school but got out early because not many people were there. I work at Dairy Queen btw.
At 6:30 i met up with two friends for a birthday dinner. I'll just call them H and R. H and R are both 21, as of yesterday, I am 17. And you know, sometimes it's not bad to have a bunch of friends who are older. I have a group of friends in their 20s, and sometimes they give really good advice, and they're just fun to be around. Plus i think i'm a bit mature for my age. However, on occasions when it is just me H and R they tend to have a lot more to converse about. For example, college, work (a plac ei couldnt get a job at), and their other friends etc. etc. don't get me wrong, it's always fun to see them because i don't get to often. But then again, when i do see them i'd like to have a bit more to say. They are like my sisters, i spent 2 whole summers with them plus the contact we kept between summers etc. It just sucks to feel left out, and i'm probably exagerating a bit seeing as they invited me out to eat and even paid for me. I feel selfish. But then again, i don't often have plans/friends to hang out with because they are all older or live farther away or even both.
It sucks to be confused. i know that my friends, older and the same age love me. And i know they would never purposefully make me feel this way. It's wierd because if we are one on one i feel completely different. We're on the same page and they ask me questions and vice versa. Idk maybe it's just that weird age difference. idk we'll see how it goes i'm pretty sure i'm not just going to be dropped like that...
other than confusing situations i have finals next week...and SATs tomorrow and ACTs next saturday. Standardised (spelling?) testing is bullshit. nobody ever is going to be put in that situation again and how the fuck do you know me/judge me by a test score? what if i just don't do well on tests but i know the material? bullshit i say.
tomorrow i'm going out again for my birthday. idk if it'll be to exciting. i wish i could be 100% sure that i wouldn't get caught because i feel like it would be the perfect opportunity to get completely wasted and not care about anything, lose the stress of the final week of school. mind you, i've never even been near to being buzzed. i'd probably chicken out anyways.
writing like this makes me think, and sometimes i get sad. but now i'm thinking i dont have too much to be sad about, everybody has drama, confusion, stress...stop being a pussy. and i never use that word.
i thought i would have even more to say, but i guess i dont. I dont even need to read this again.
Every once in awhile i just need to rant. I wonder if i could rant in spanish?