encouraged myself
3:07am
sitting here...in my father's lounge chair....
just finished listening to Frankie......Nat's spinning now
mellowed out.
a lot has been on my mind lately....dealing with a lot of unfamiliar feelings....
spirits.........been drinking rather frequently.....had a dream last night that left me vexated........it was in the form of a "warning"
thus this morning.....i mustard enough.......something and i poured all of the liquor i had left into the sink
my sister cried............i was so encouraged
a new beginning........i feel it....
my friend Jeanine and I went to Wendy's last Wends. a cute little dominant lady took our order....she had a beautiful smile.................-reminiscing- mm
anyways no sooner than we take our seat and start eating.......a man that is obviously drunk walks in stumbling over himself.....he walks over to us...and he asked me for a dollar.....
i had it...so of course i gave it to him........so he started speaking to us
and i'm listening to everything he has to say.....trying to figure him out......i try to find out where people have been......there mentality....gleaning whatever it is that i can from them...........
so i guess he felt comfortable so he opened up to me (my friend was embarrassed so she didn't talk...i was too initially but F those ppl in Wendy’s® he needed to vent shit)
he talked about his daughter.....she is doing good for herself......he showed me his wallet....it was quite tattered.......as if he had it for a awfully long period of time....
and to my surprise......this man.....
with these.....worn out clothes....yellowish/brown teethe....hazed over eyes....ashy knuckles..........and wholly shoes
was JUST like me....in more ways than one
he opened his wallet....and to my surprise......this man had his own business....that grossed i think he said one million annually....he used to be an Information Technologist......he had drive....and he was EXTREMELY intelligent........he told me about the stocks.......where i should invest.........i was shocked but then again........i wasn't
he was making me so happy..........then this guy came in.....i guess this is my friend's new boyfriend......a great guy.....but a lot of pride/arrogance......so i guess he called himself judging dude because...of whatever reason.....they start "arguing"
and HONESTLY........i couldn't tell which one was the drunk and which one was sober
main reason i don't involve my self in controversy or verbal fights
because in any argument......there is know way to differentiate the fool from the man
so now...i'm embarrassed...........and i want to go......[all this in Wendy's smh]
face was red
but long story short....i didn't get to hear the rest of his story.....but i'm guessing he met his rock bottom.......with a couple of drinks......
now he doesn't have a dollar to buy food :( ..........that's what happened to my sister
sex and alcohol........
both of which scream for my undivided attention..........
i'm so in love with myself....can’t delve into those things…….i live a dreamer’s holiday…….not willing to sacrifice….
i wish conversations had a bk space button
i need to watch what comes out of my mouth
my thoughts are rambling......together again -head is spinning-
oh man.....Billie Holiday is on {{excuse me mr. journal while i dance}}
*sings* "i've forgotten you just like i said i should...i get along without you well........."
-heart smiles-
why didn't i tell her that my heart stopped when i say her picture....why didn't i just let her know that i thought she looked stunning
-shrugs-
i didn't focus very well today......i guess i needed some time just to chill.....think.....read........mellow out and spend some time with myself and play
very content......haha......mr. journal.....i just had the biggest mood swing ever..........i'm so happy...and in love with myself.....but i started this entry originally with the words, "i feel like shit"......please Lord heal my emotions.......coo coo /coo coo
oh man, the things that went across my mind today.......was in tears....i have a feature on my laptop.....that allows me to record my words at any given moment...with a simple click of a button..........
if i could just spend the rest of my life talking to my self........naw........
i like it in my shell though......solace.......mean ppl suck
it breaks my heart that society stresses "looks" "style" "size"....as much as they do
i want to just love everybody that has ever been rejected, beat by their parents, picked on, called "white" because they used words other than the normal "fuck shit damn nigga bitch", girls that were molested and/or raped.......mistreated....alienated.........treated unfair....hated on......disrespected......abused in anyway
-sigh- my heart....i can't wait to come into millions.....God-willing i will have the same little heart and i can use my money to give....help heal........the hurt...lost............help kids with their "style"......teach ethics....and give them a place to find rest...........solace..........i've been using that word a lot...........it's 4:00am now
-eyes heavy-
i've been writing for an hour...wow.....about nothing.....i feel better thank you Mr. journal for listening to me......
feel warm *kisses my forhead* chow!
i love the song playing....naked=transparent (in my eyes)
sitting here...in my father's lounge chair....
just finished listening to Frankie......Nat's spinning now
mellowed out.
a lot has been on my mind lately....dealing with a lot of unfamiliar feelings....
spirits.........been drinking rather frequently.....had a dream last night that left me vexated........it was in the form of a "warning"
thus this morning.....i mustard enough.......something and i poured all of the liquor i had left into the sink
my sister cried............i was so encouraged
a new beginning........i feel it....
my friend Jeanine and I went to Wendy's last Wends. a cute little dominant lady took our order....she had a beautiful smile.................-reminiscing- mm
anyways no sooner than we take our seat and start eating.......a man that is obviously drunk walks in stumbling over himself.....he walks over to us...and he asked me for a dollar.....
i had it...so of course i gave it to him........so he started speaking to us
and i'm listening to everything he has to say.....trying to figure him out......i try to find out where people have been......there mentality....gleaning whatever it is that i can from them...........
so i guess he felt comfortable so he opened up to me (my friend was embarrassed so she didn't talk...i was too initially but F those ppl in Wendy’s® he needed to vent shit)
he talked about his daughter.....she is doing good for herself......he showed me his wallet....it was quite tattered.......as if he had it for a awfully long period of time....
and to my surprise......this man.....
with these.....worn out clothes....yellowish/brown teethe....hazed over eyes....ashy knuckles..........and wholly shoes
was JUST like me....in more ways than one
he opened his wallet....and to my surprise......this man had his own business....that grossed i think he said one million annually....he used to be an Information Technologist......he had drive....and he was EXTREMELY intelligent........he told me about the stocks.......where i should invest.........i was shocked but then again........i wasn't
he was making me so happy..........then this guy came in.....i guess this is my friend's new boyfriend......a great guy.....but a lot of pride/arrogance......so i guess he called himself judging dude because...of whatever reason.....they start "arguing"
and HONESTLY........i couldn't tell which one was the drunk and which one was sober
main reason i don't involve my self in controversy or verbal fights
because in any argument......there is know way to differentiate the fool from the man
so now...i'm embarrassed...........and i want to go......[all this in Wendy's smh]
face was red
but long story short....i didn't get to hear the rest of his story.....but i'm guessing he met his rock bottom.......with a couple of drinks......
now he doesn't have a dollar to buy food :( ..........that's what happened to my sister
sex and alcohol........
both of which scream for my undivided attention..........
i'm so in love with myself....can’t delve into those things…….i live a dreamer’s holiday…….not willing to sacrifice….
i wish conversations had a bk space button
i need to watch what comes out of my mouth
my thoughts are rambling......together again -head is spinning-
oh man.....Billie Holiday is on {{excuse me mr. journal while i dance}}
*sings* "i've forgotten you just like i said i should...i get along without you well........."
-heart smiles-
why didn't i tell her that my heart stopped when i say her picture....why didn't i just let her know that i thought she looked stunning
-shrugs-
i didn't focus very well today......i guess i needed some time just to chill.....think.....read........mellow out and spend some time with myself and play
very content......haha......mr. journal.....i just had the biggest mood swing ever..........i'm so happy...and in love with myself.....but i started this entry originally with the words, "i feel like shit"......please Lord heal my emotions.......coo coo /coo coo
oh man, the things that went across my mind today.......was in tears....i have a feature on my laptop.....that allows me to record my words at any given moment...with a simple click of a button..........
if i could just spend the rest of my life talking to my self........naw........
i like it in my shell though......solace.......mean ppl suck
it breaks my heart that society stresses "looks" "style" "size"....as much as they do
i want to just love everybody that has ever been rejected, beat by their parents, picked on, called "white" because they used words other than the normal "fuck shit damn nigga bitch", girls that were molested and/or raped.......mistreated....alienated.........treated unfair....hated on......disrespected......abused in anyway
-sigh- my heart....i can't wait to come into millions.....God-willing i will have the same little heart and i can use my money to give....help heal........the hurt...lost............help kids with their "style"......teach ethics....and give them a place to find rest...........solace..........i've been using that word a lot...........it's 4:00am now
-eyes heavy-
i've been writing for an hour...wow.....about nothing.....i feel better thank you Mr. journal for listening to me......
feel warm *kisses my forhead* chow!
i love the song playing....naked=transparent (in my eyes)