Saw this list and cracked up...

1. Cashtration (n.):  The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus:  A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxicaton:  Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: ( Read more... )

Economic Models Explained with Cows - 2009 update

SOCIALISM

You have two cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM

You have two cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM

You have two cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM

You have two cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM

You have two cows.
The State ( Read more... )

All of the  Wal-Mart stores across Alabama sold out of ammunition last week.
A  reliable source said that one of the purchasers, a good ol' boy named Bubba, commented that while Russia may have invaded Georgia, they sure as hell ain't doin' it to Alabama.
 

Catholic Shampoo

While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer. The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, but that she wouldn't feel comfortable about buying it. The first nun replied that she could handle that without a problem. She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier. The ( Read more... )

A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat, and among other liberal ideals, was very much in favor of higher taxes to support more government programs, in other words redistribution of wealth.

She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather ( Read more... )

Sent to me by MY MOTHER!!!!
A pastor asked if any one in the congregation would like to express Praise for answered prayers.

A lady stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise.

Two months ago, my husband, Jim, had a terrible bicycle wreck and h is scrotum was smashed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could ( Read more... )

 I know what a punchline is.

I was just mimic-ing your 2 liner priest JOKE. 

My dad the animal lover sent me this heartwarming elephant tale.  He is such a sucker for these things...

In 1986, Mikele Mebembe was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University .
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Mikele ( Read more... )

I know that it's a "HERD" of Cows and a "GAGGLE" of geese...But What do you call a bunch of pigs?

A Sorority.

No I didn't go thru rush.  As you can see, I'm still a little bitter.

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment.  Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and 1 by 1 began to tell their stories.

'Johnny, do you have a story to share?

'Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Karen. She was a pilot in Desert Storm and her plane got hit. She ( Read more... )