Reflections...
I love my Dad. He is a very good, decent and honorable man. He is also a very funny gregarious guy who knows every single joke. I’m not kidding, he really does. People love to be around him. But the flipside to that sense of humor is a very sharp wit that if not kept in check can be very mean and hurtful. I have seen him wield it and slash it all around him and leave behind a field of hurt feelings.
Apparently, I have inherited this trait. Did I know it? Yes, I did. The only way to tell is that my humor gets out of hand and a little mean. Ok, a lot mean. And sometimes I catch myself… and sometimes others point it out. Yesterday, that happened at work.
Donna pointed out I was being WAY too hard on Kathi and that I should take a good look at myself. So after her verbal beat down - she actually was yelling at me - I returned to my offical and did some thinking. Then I drove home and did some more. I was bummed all evening. She hurt my feelings.
And you know… she was right to. It made me stop and take a look at what might be causing this behavior. I looked at all my targets for this humor (friends, family, co-workers, GGA forums, blog, etc. - all of it) … And I think I have figured it out. I unknowingly fill with anger and use humor to release it… like a pressure cooker valve. What am I so angry about? … Myself. I’m not going to go into detail today. That is for another day and another blog entry.
I’m just glad I see it now. I know I need to deal with that underlying issue. And to anyone I have hurt… I am sorry. I can’t take it back, but I can try to be a much nicer and gentler annie.