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watcher_pryce in a_new_world_

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Jun 19, 2005 06:30

Continued from Here

( Settling in? )

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slayerbarbie June 30 2005, 13:51:29 UTC

I smiled shyly up at him when he said 'we,' but I didn't say anything. I didn't want to say anything and I hoped he wasn't going to say anything, but he did and he corrected himself and ... yeah. Well, I mean, he should cause you know, it's his place, not mine, not ours ... his. And his alone. "Wes, please ... you would have done fine without me," I said and took a few steps closer to him. "You would have done great." Standing on the tips of my toes, I leaned up and gave him a kiss before wrapping my arms arounds and holding onto him. It wasn't until I heard the squeel of tires, that I turned my head to see Xander ... getting out of his car ( ... )

watcher_pryce July 1 2005, 09:06:19 UTC

One moment we were all ready to get moving again. Get the paint, curtains and whatever else one needed. I had no idea, I was counting on Buffy to help me out there. Did we need carpet? I suppose so. And then we were going to have some lunch, because by then Buffy would no doubt be starving ( ... )

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watcher_pryce July 2 2005, 02:59:47 UTC

The urge to run after her was very much present as I watched Buffy all but run off. But something told me she needed some time on her own now. Which isn't always good, I should know. There are these deceitful little voice who appear to be in everyone's head. Some are louder then others. But they always tell you lies. It's up to you to believe them or not. And trust me, I know how hard it is *not* to believe them ( ... )

slayerbarbie July 2 2005, 15:20:00 UTC

It didn't take me long to finally get to my house and inside. I didn't want to run, but I just had to get away cause I was tired of it all. Why did it matter to Xander so much who I was with? We already had that discussion about Spike and how it wasn't any of his business and now he's doing it again with Wes. What's wrong with Wes? He isn't dead, he's nice and he treats me good, I don't see what the big deal is about that? I probably should have said something to him, but I didn't, I just wanted to get away and not have that conversation on the street. I didn't want to talk about my feelings and whatever feelings I have for Wes, I'd rather tell him and not Xander ... cause again with the 'it's not his business,' thing ( ... )

watcher_pryce July 2 2005, 22:15:12 UTC

Cursing Xander seemed to be my main occupation as I drove over to Buffy's house. Stupid git, whey did he have to go and spoil everything for Buffy? I didn't care much about what he'd do to me. Unless that would hurt Buffy, but I doubted that. I'd giving up caring about what people did to me a long time ago. Or at least, I tried to pretend I did ( ... )

slayerbarbie July 2 2005, 22:28:40 UTC

"Dont' ..." I started to say softly when he said he was sorry cause it wasn't his fault. It wasn't anyones fault, I was just ... being stupid. I shouldn't have ran. I'm supposed to be this big fighter and a woman and I can't defend how I feel about someone? It just doesn't make sense. Then again, I've never been good at the whole relationship thing anyway ( ... )

watcher_pryce July 2 2005, 23:00:32 UTC

If she was fine then so was I. And lets face it, as oddly happy Buffy makes me? I was anything but fine. There was a scar marring throat which very much reminded me of that fact. Not that this had anything to do with the here and now. But it was a reminded of how easy it was to loose everything you were taking for granted. A mistake I was never going to make with Buffy ( ... )

slayerbarbie July 2 2005, 23:16:24 UTC

Why couldn't we just leave it at that? What is there to discuss? Nothing. But, he kept on talking and asking questions and it was things that ... I just didn't want to talk about. Not yet anyway, or ever, whatever came first or something. "Slow what down?" I asked him and gave him a look. "What are we doing that needs to be slowed down? Nothing, so just ... whatever," I sighed and laid my head down on my knee's ( ... )

watcher_pryce July 2 2005, 23:41:51 UTC

"Nothing ( ... )

slayerbarbie July 2 2005, 23:49:34 UTC

He was leaving. I didn't realize what I said was harsh until I went over it again in my mind and that's when ... I ... I hate me right now. I stood there watching him and was tempted to just go inside and shut the door but I stood there on the porch and watched him. Licking my lips, I felt the tears welling up in my eyes and I started walking over toward him as he got in the van and shut the door ( ... )

watcher_pryce July 3 2005, 00:19:17 UTC

Just as I was about to start the car, Buffy came over and took my keys away. I blinked at her and that's when I noticed she was crying. Had been crying, whichever. My heart dropped a few inches as I stared at her with wide eyes.

Why was she crying? Wasn't this what she wanted? I mean, we had 'nothing' right? How can you cry about 'nothing'? She was confusing the hell out of me! One moment she's pushing me away, the next she's forcing me to stay. I really wish she'd made up her mind. I cannot deal with this with everything that's going on.

I gave up my life, in a way, for her by leaving Los Angeles. I came here, knowing her friends weren't going to be happy. Knowing I had to build up my entire network from the start. Knowing that I had to *start* from scratch again. But I'd done it for her.

And now she said that it had been for 'nothing'.

"It was all for nothing, Wesley. Don't come back to the hotel. Ever again."I flinched at that memory and then stared at Buffy as resolutely strode into the house. Toward the house. Whichever. ( ... )

slayerbarbie July 3 2005, 00:29:33 UTC

"It's not for nothing. None of this, it's ... something, it's just something that I don't know ... what it is ... or something," I said and looked up at him. "I don't know how to make this work, I thought ..." Leaning myself against the wall, I watched him for a second before taking a deep breath ( ... )

watcher_pryce July 3 2005, 00:43:51 UTC

That must've been the longest speech I've ever heard her give. Even if it didn't make much sense. At first, that is. I just kept quiet and listened to her talk, watching her struggle for words. This was really hard for her, harder then I'd have thought ( ... )

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