Je t'aime, je t'aime
Who: Suki, Emilia Galmar
Where: Suki’s room
When: Monday of No Inhibitions week
Summary: Emilia’s worried about whether her friendship with Suki is salvageable. Suki is upset about far more than just that.
Rating: PG
Warnings: French and internalised homophobia.
Emilia wasn’t quite sure how to describe the test this week, but it was far better than last week. She wasn’t cringing and running away any more.She was sorting out all of the problems that had been left by the lustful week she’d had and getting all the wrinkles smoothed out felt good.
Right now, it was time to sort out the most important friendship put in danger, not from fear of what happened, but from the sheer intimacy of the experience. It was time to see Suki.
Emilia didn’t feel a trace of hesitation as she knocked on Suki’s door. She wanted to see the younger girl’s face, to make sure she was doing well and wasn’t angry at being ignored for a week. She wanted to see if the strange thoughts bubbling up, even as she tried to hide from them, would last in the face of the actual person they’d focussed on. If they were only fantasies without a basis in reality, it would make Emilia’s life so much simpler.
Suki wasn’t sure what was going on with her this week, but she couldn’t control the need to fight all those that got near her. She had so much anger in her and fighting felt like the right thing to do, but it wasn’t working out like that. Fighting didn’t seem to help these feelings. All she could think about was how she hated everything here. She hated the fact she couldn’t be with Sokka here; she hated that she lost Yosuke; she hated that she ruined so many friendships. She felt like she lost herself, and now there was nothing but anger left over.
When she heard the knock on the door, Suki got up from her bed to open it. Seeing Emilia standing there surprised her, but instead of greeting her with a hug and a smile, Suki greeted Emilia with a glare.
“What are you doing here?”
Well now, that wasn’t anything like the greeting Emilia had imagined. She blink in surprise before frowning, setting her hands on her hips.
“Really, Suki, I don’t mind how annoyed you are with me, there’s still no need to speak that rudely when I’ve come to try set things right.” There was absolutely no way she was going to run off if things were this bad!
Part of Suki really cared about what Emilia had to say, but that part wasn’t controlling her actions right now. Instead Suki turned away from Emilia and sat back down on her bed. She didn’t even offer the chair to the other girl, but it was up for grabs if Emilia wanted to sit down.
“Fine. Set things right.” She said almost as if she was already bored. “What do you want?”
Emilia entered behind her, closing the door. The lack of the offer was noted, but Emilia sat down anyway, folding her hands in her lap out of habit. Suki was far angrier than she’d expected.
“...Why are you so upset?”
Suki’s eyes drifted to the floor. She wasn’t really sure herself, but she just felt so angry. Usually she could control it. She would find a way to release these emotions, but nothing was working out for her, and she didn’t understand why. Well, she knew it was because of an experiment, but she didn’t know what the experiment was.
“I just am. I hate this place and everything--- Can you please just tell me what you wanted to say and get it over with.” She refused to look at Emilia when she spoke. There was some embarrassment from what they did the other week still lingering inside her, but the anger covered it up.
The anger hurt and with the test Emilia made no effort to hide that on her face, but she didn’t back away. She knew this sort of anger. She’d felt it enough times herself, seen it enough times in the children at Hearst orphanage, the ones who were lost and hurt and didn’t know what to do except lash out.
“I don’t want to just get it over with.” Emilia answered. “Running away didn’t solve anything last week and I’m not just going to blurt out what I want to say now then leave, not until I find a way to make you feel better.”
“You’re not going to. I... I lost him. Yosuke’s... Yosuke’s gone.” She blurted out. And once she did, she wished she didn’t. Suki buried her face into her hands in shame.
“I shouldn’t care. It shouldn’t matter. It wasn’t like he knew how I felt, and he probably didn’t feel the same toward me. I hate this place.” Her whole body began to shake as she spoke. She wanted to stop herself from saying these things, but she couldn’t. “Why did I do this to myself?”
Emilia immediately got up to sit next to Suki, wrapping her arms around the other girl.
“Ma chère.” Emilia had felt the sting of rejection, but how much worse would it be if her loved one had died? She squeezed Suki tight, baring her teeth in disgust at her own selfishness.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. You’ve been suffering and I never knew. Ma chère, my Suki, I’m so sorry for leaving you alone. I won’t let you be any more, if you want. But don’t tell yourself it doesn’t matter. Love always matters, even if it’s not returned.”
“I have someone already though. I have Sokka. He isn’t here, but I shouldn’t give up on him. I shouldn’t have let myself fall for Yosuke.”
Suki stayed in Emilia’s arms for a moment before pushing herself away. She didn’t want to be comforted right now. What she wanted was to fight and just stop feeling this pain.
“Just tell me why you came. I want to be alone.” It was a lie, but she didn’t want to fight Emilia. She wanted to fight someone who could fight back.
Emilia sat back, folding her hands again and looking down. Obviously, that was too much intimacy after what had happened.
“I wanted to be sure you weren’t disgusted with me. I wanted you to know, though I should be disgusted, though I should repent, I don’t regret what happened. You’re my dear friend.”
“I’m not disgusted. It was just the experiment. James and I, we were worse.” Even thinking about what she and James did brought a blush to her face. She was pretty sure that relationship was ruined, which only made her more angry.
Suki quickly got up with her back to Emilia. “You’re my friend. Alright. Just... leave.”
Even though she said that, her body still shook.
Emilia stood and came up behind her, leaning her head on Suki’s shoulder as she held on gently.
“How can I leave you alone when you’re so upset?” She asked softly. “I won’t abandon you.”
Emilia’s touch surprised Suki. She jumped away from the other girl, feeling like she didn’t deserve this affection, but more importantly it made her defensive.
“Emilia... just don’t. Just...” Her hand became a tight fist, “I just wish I had Sokka here.”
Emilia didn’t follow this time. Her own fists clenched as she turned her head away, feeling suddenly incredibly stupid.
“...I wish he was too, so you’d be happy. It’d make everything far simpler.”
“I... I need to get out of here.” Suki turned to the door. “I can’t stay here anymore. I need to get out, or else...”
She really didn’t have an answer, but she wanted fight, and fighting Emilia just felt wrong. She had to leave and find someone else to fight, someone else to release this anger on.
Emilia reached out for Suki’s back again, but didn’t touch.
“Perhaps that would be a good idea, these rooms get far too small when you’re upset. You should run, chérie, until you feel better.” She paused, lowering her hand again.
“I can come too, if you’d like.”
“No.” Suki snapped back. “No, I don’t want to be near anyone right now. I’m just going to go to the rec room or something.”
She opened the door. “You can do whatever you want.”
This was nothing like how Emilia had expected their conversation to go and now, caught suddenly off guard like this, she had no idea how to fix it.
“I’m being selfish, aren’t I?” She said, voicing her thoughts without hesitation. “I was scared of so many things, but they’re not important compared to what’s happened. I’ll go.” She held her arms closely against her chest, keeping herself firm as she walked past the other girl.
“Je t’aime.”
Suki did her best to ignore Emilia, but she felt so awful, which only pissed her off more. Then she heard Emilia’s words. For a moment, Suki was confused, but her anger just made her ignore the words altogether.
Once Emilia was out of sight, Suki left her room and headed to the rec room. Hopefully there she’d find something to do that was more productive than lying around.
Where: Suki’s room
When: Monday of No Inhibitions week
Summary: Emilia’s worried about whether her friendship with Suki is salvageable. Suki is upset about far more than just that.
Rating: PG
Warnings: French and internalised homophobia.
Emilia wasn’t quite sure how to describe the test this week, but it was far better than last week. She wasn’t cringing and running away any more.She was sorting out all of the problems that had been left by the lustful week she’d had and getting all the wrinkles smoothed out felt good.
Right now, it was time to sort out the most important friendship put in danger, not from fear of what happened, but from the sheer intimacy of the experience. It was time to see Suki.
Emilia didn’t feel a trace of hesitation as she knocked on Suki’s door. She wanted to see the younger girl’s face, to make sure she was doing well and wasn’t angry at being ignored for a week. She wanted to see if the strange thoughts bubbling up, even as she tried to hide from them, would last in the face of the actual person they’d focussed on. If they were only fantasies without a basis in reality, it would make Emilia’s life so much simpler.
Suki wasn’t sure what was going on with her this week, but she couldn’t control the need to fight all those that got near her. She had so much anger in her and fighting felt like the right thing to do, but it wasn’t working out like that. Fighting didn’t seem to help these feelings. All she could think about was how she hated everything here. She hated the fact she couldn’t be with Sokka here; she hated that she lost Yosuke; she hated that she ruined so many friendships. She felt like she lost herself, and now there was nothing but anger left over.
When she heard the knock on the door, Suki got up from her bed to open it. Seeing Emilia standing there surprised her, but instead of greeting her with a hug and a smile, Suki greeted Emilia with a glare.
“What are you doing here?”
Well now, that wasn’t anything like the greeting Emilia had imagined. She blink in surprise before frowning, setting her hands on her hips.
“Really, Suki, I don’t mind how annoyed you are with me, there’s still no need to speak that rudely when I’ve come to try set things right.” There was absolutely no way she was going to run off if things were this bad!
Part of Suki really cared about what Emilia had to say, but that part wasn’t controlling her actions right now. Instead Suki turned away from Emilia and sat back down on her bed. She didn’t even offer the chair to the other girl, but it was up for grabs if Emilia wanted to sit down.
“Fine. Set things right.” She said almost as if she was already bored. “What do you want?”
Emilia entered behind her, closing the door. The lack of the offer was noted, but Emilia sat down anyway, folding her hands in her lap out of habit. Suki was far angrier than she’d expected.
“...Why are you so upset?”
Suki’s eyes drifted to the floor. She wasn’t really sure herself, but she just felt so angry. Usually she could control it. She would find a way to release these emotions, but nothing was working out for her, and she didn’t understand why. Well, she knew it was because of an experiment, but she didn’t know what the experiment was.
“I just am. I hate this place and everything--- Can you please just tell me what you wanted to say and get it over with.” She refused to look at Emilia when she spoke. There was some embarrassment from what they did the other week still lingering inside her, but the anger covered it up.
The anger hurt and with the test Emilia made no effort to hide that on her face, but she didn’t back away. She knew this sort of anger. She’d felt it enough times herself, seen it enough times in the children at Hearst orphanage, the ones who were lost and hurt and didn’t know what to do except lash out.
“I don’t want to just get it over with.” Emilia answered. “Running away didn’t solve anything last week and I’m not just going to blurt out what I want to say now then leave, not until I find a way to make you feel better.”
“You’re not going to. I... I lost him. Yosuke’s... Yosuke’s gone.” She blurted out. And once she did, she wished she didn’t. Suki buried her face into her hands in shame.
“I shouldn’t care. It shouldn’t matter. It wasn’t like he knew how I felt, and he probably didn’t feel the same toward me. I hate this place.” Her whole body began to shake as she spoke. She wanted to stop herself from saying these things, but she couldn’t. “Why did I do this to myself?”
Emilia immediately got up to sit next to Suki, wrapping her arms around the other girl.
“Ma chère.” Emilia had felt the sting of rejection, but how much worse would it be if her loved one had died? She squeezed Suki tight, baring her teeth in disgust at her own selfishness.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. You’ve been suffering and I never knew. Ma chère, my Suki, I’m so sorry for leaving you alone. I won’t let you be any more, if you want. But don’t tell yourself it doesn’t matter. Love always matters, even if it’s not returned.”
“I have someone already though. I have Sokka. He isn’t here, but I shouldn’t give up on him. I shouldn’t have let myself fall for Yosuke.”
Suki stayed in Emilia’s arms for a moment before pushing herself away. She didn’t want to be comforted right now. What she wanted was to fight and just stop feeling this pain.
“Just tell me why you came. I want to be alone.” It was a lie, but she didn’t want to fight Emilia. She wanted to fight someone who could fight back.
Emilia sat back, folding her hands again and looking down. Obviously, that was too much intimacy after what had happened.
“I wanted to be sure you weren’t disgusted with me. I wanted you to know, though I should be disgusted, though I should repent, I don’t regret what happened. You’re my dear friend.”
“I’m not disgusted. It was just the experiment. James and I, we were worse.” Even thinking about what she and James did brought a blush to her face. She was pretty sure that relationship was ruined, which only made her more angry.
Suki quickly got up with her back to Emilia. “You’re my friend. Alright. Just... leave.”
Even though she said that, her body still shook.
Emilia stood and came up behind her, leaning her head on Suki’s shoulder as she held on gently.
“How can I leave you alone when you’re so upset?” She asked softly. “I won’t abandon you.”
Emilia’s touch surprised Suki. She jumped away from the other girl, feeling like she didn’t deserve this affection, but more importantly it made her defensive.
“Emilia... just don’t. Just...” Her hand became a tight fist, “I just wish I had Sokka here.”
Emilia didn’t follow this time. Her own fists clenched as she turned her head away, feeling suddenly incredibly stupid.
“...I wish he was too, so you’d be happy. It’d make everything far simpler.”
“I... I need to get out of here.” Suki turned to the door. “I can’t stay here anymore. I need to get out, or else...”
She really didn’t have an answer, but she wanted fight, and fighting Emilia just felt wrong. She had to leave and find someone else to fight, someone else to release this anger on.
Emilia reached out for Suki’s back again, but didn’t touch.
“Perhaps that would be a good idea, these rooms get far too small when you’re upset. You should run, chérie, until you feel better.” She paused, lowering her hand again.
“I can come too, if you’d like.”
“No.” Suki snapped back. “No, I don’t want to be near anyone right now. I’m just going to go to the rec room or something.”
She opened the door. “You can do whatever you want.”
This was nothing like how Emilia had expected their conversation to go and now, caught suddenly off guard like this, she had no idea how to fix it.
“I’m being selfish, aren’t I?” She said, voicing her thoughts without hesitation. “I was scared of so many things, but they’re not important compared to what’s happened. I’ll go.” She held her arms closely against her chest, keeping herself firm as she walked past the other girl.
“Je t’aime.”
Suki did her best to ignore Emilia, but she felt so awful, which only pissed her off more. Then she heard Emilia’s words. For a moment, Suki was confused, but her anger just made her ignore the words altogether.
Once Emilia was out of sight, Suki left her room and headed to the rec room. Hopefully there she’d find something to do that was more productive than lying around.