you deserve the best in life, so if the time isn't right, then move on.

[a_cure_poem]

bobby accepted. and we've been sending little messages. it's funny to think of how i used to be. so boy crazy, you know? but, i was like, 15, so its cool. i feel more into my own power now. my birthday is Saturday. fuck me, i don't wanna turn 20. i just wanna stay a teen forever. and today i had to stoop to asking this dumb bitch Jessica for Elias' number, because i broke my old phone and the numbers didn't transfer, and he has failed to call me. the last time we spoke was when i was just coming back from LA in march. he told me that he had just gotten home from Virginia, maybe he had a realization and has decided to leave me in the dust. i'm pretty ready to leave his neglectful ass in the dust. it just hurts when i need my friends the most and they are nowhere to be found. because i'm going on a pretty awesome journey, one that only a select few get to take. and i deserve the best in life, and if i'm not being treated right, then it's time to move on. maybe he found out all that nasty stuff i've said behind his back over the past 10 years. ah, Elias and i have so much drama in our friendship, sometimes its like we're dating or something. eek. blah, but i still got my art shit. i tried using that cyanotype chemical to make this international monster presentation silk piece i'm working on, but i think the fabric was too dark. or i think the plexiglass i was using was a little warped. after all the shit i went through to get that damn chemical and i haven't had the ability to come out with a complete piece.

oh, and i've gotten the feeling recently that everyone has been passing me by. but then i think about my life and my art and Jessica and Katrina and Melissa and Tim and i find the strength to believe in myself. i'll get large, it will just take a while.