Oneshot: vampires vs werewolfs/Lesson 101 of vampirism for dummies (Vampire Diaries)
Vampires vs Werewolfs, or: Lesson 101 in vampirism for dummies
Fandom: Vampire Diaries (TV-series)
Rating: G
Genre: humour, AU, crack!fic
Characters/Pairings: Damon, Elena/Stefan, Caroline, Bonnie/Jeremy, Alaric (yes, they are all in it!)
Any warnings: might be slightly spoiler-ish... if you haven’t seen the trailers for the next episode
Disclaimer: Vampire Diaries (tv-series) and its characters are not mine. I only write fan fiction for the fun of it. I call them fun-fiction... lol.
A/N: Made for the ‘Goody e-bag week 01’
Important: crack!fic. Really not to be taken seriously!!! So sorry if I kind of hurt someone’s feelings, but there isn’t really character bashing here!
::
“Alright crew, here is the plan!” said Damon in his best round-about-way voice, as he rubbed his hands together. The vampire gang was all assembled in front of him, which also included Bonnie, Jeremy, Alaric and Elena this time. “We are going to have to kick some werewolf ass tonight... except those aren’t really going to be werewolves’ because of the whole no-moonlight-tonight-thing...” he blabbered on using his hands whenever he started with a clever line which then dragged on and suddenly seemed less cool...
Prior to this speech, he had explained how a group of people had come to Mystic Falls. They all smelled and felt the same way as Mason or Jules, which only left the one conclusion. They were werewolves. Well, another pointer to that was that they were lead there by Jules.
Caroline sitting on a long couch with Bonnie raised her hand and started waving it around. It looked suspiciously similar like the move she always did in class just before she asked if she could be excused, thought Bonnie smirking.
“Oh, oh, here, here!!” added Caroline for good measure. Just in case Damon didn’t see her or decided to ignore her (like he sometimes did when they had a vampire assembly which ended up being a dialogue between Damon and Stefan, with her only watching them as they decided on things. Darn, she hated being out-numbered!).
Yes, thought Bonnie nodding for good measure, she definitely will ask about using the loo!
Damon visibly (and quiet obviously Caroline added mentally) rolled his eyes and sighed over-dramatically. “Of course... Vampire Barbie... you have something to add?!”
“Yeah...” started Caroline, now lowering her hand and placing it on her lap with the other. “Just because I seemed to have slept through the lesson of 101 on vampirism for dummies... Erm, why can’t we just make peace with the werewolf pack... why do we have to fight them?”
Here Bonnie nodded her head, agreeing that she too didn’t really get why a witch should be involved or take sides.
“Well...” started Damon. “Remember when I told you that Rose went back to were she came from?”
All heads except Stefan’s nodded, he just narrowed his eyes.
“Yeah well, she didn’t really go back... more like fell to pieces, literary, because of a werewolf bite that was probably meant for me...”
Alaric snorted humourlessly; which earned another response from Damon, who grumbled, “Ok, so it really was meant for me...no maybes.”
All assembled faces looked shocked, except for Stefan who shook his head knowingly, disapprovingly.
“Someone killed Rose, and you didn’t tell us?” said Elena outraged. She looked around and then said in a guilt laced voice, “I don’t want anyone else to die! Maybe I should just sacrifice myself and be done with it!” Stefan next to her sighed, and grabbed her hand after she suddenly stood up from the comfy couch they had been sharing.
“No you don’t. This time, it really has nothing to do with the curse.” Here Stefan looked pointedly at Damon.
The brother in question only replied with an exaggerated ‘pah! As if’.
“Damon!” Stefan used his best ‘you-know-you-did-something-wrong-here’ voice, and tilted his head.
“Ok...! So the wolflady attacking might have had something to do with Mason Lockwood... and it might have all to do with the fact of him being dead...”
“Killed more like it...” added Jeremy under his breath angrily. He still disapproved of that stunt from Damon.
“You killed Mason Lockwood?” asked Bonnie shocked. “Are you out of your mind? Well, I don’t want anything to do with this!” here she raised both hands defensively and made to stand up.
“Not so fast, Sabrina the teen-witch!” growled Damon disapprovingly. “You helped us capture him; that makes you just as guilty.”
Bonnie, who now was standing was silent for a moment. Then she looked to the side, looking at Jeremy who now was inspecting his new dagger (a present he got from Damon on the last ‘Lets-kill-Katherine-try’ - which didn’t succeed - no surprise here) and sighed dramatically. “Alright!” she said, plumped down on her seat, making Caroline jump a little (because she was actually thinking about something else by now), before she said, “guess I am in too!”
She looked hopeful to Jeremy who was now following the discussion again. He smiled charmingly at Bonnie, which in turn made Bonnie blush and look down on to her lap.
“Right...” said Damon shaking his head clear (because he had followed this piece of side-happening and was so not interested in what Elena would say to this development). “So, to sum this up now. Lesson 101 on vampirism: werewolves’ are bad; they get their asses kicked by us.”
“All except for Tyler!” added Caroline, jumping up again. Everyone now looked at her, before she sat down again shyly (without the blush, because vampires after all didn’t blush - because of the whole thing with being dead).
“Any more questions?” Before anyone else could throw something additional in, Damon clapped his hands together and made to walk to the front door saying over his shoulders, “let’s go!”
Fandom: Vampire Diaries (TV-series)
Rating: G
Genre: humour, AU, crack!fic
Characters/Pairings: Damon, Elena/Stefan, Caroline, Bonnie/Jeremy, Alaric (yes, they are all in it!)
Any warnings: might be slightly spoiler-ish... if you haven’t seen the trailers for the next episode
Disclaimer: Vampire Diaries (tv-series) and its characters are not mine. I only write fan fiction for the fun of it. I call them fun-fiction... lol.
A/N: Made for the ‘Goody e-bag week 01’
Important: crack!fic. Really not to be taken seriously!!! So sorry if I kind of hurt someone’s feelings, but there isn’t really character bashing here!
::
“Alright crew, here is the plan!” said Damon in his best round-about-way voice, as he rubbed his hands together. The vampire gang was all assembled in front of him, which also included Bonnie, Jeremy, Alaric and Elena this time. “We are going to have to kick some werewolf ass tonight... except those aren’t really going to be werewolves’ because of the whole no-moonlight-tonight-thing...” he blabbered on using his hands whenever he started with a clever line which then dragged on and suddenly seemed less cool...
Prior to this speech, he had explained how a group of people had come to Mystic Falls. They all smelled and felt the same way as Mason or Jules, which only left the one conclusion. They were werewolves. Well, another pointer to that was that they were lead there by Jules.
Caroline sitting on a long couch with Bonnie raised her hand and started waving it around. It looked suspiciously similar like the move she always did in class just before she asked if she could be excused, thought Bonnie smirking.
“Oh, oh, here, here!!” added Caroline for good measure. Just in case Damon didn’t see her or decided to ignore her (like he sometimes did when they had a vampire assembly which ended up being a dialogue between Damon and Stefan, with her only watching them as they decided on things. Darn, she hated being out-numbered!).
Yes, thought Bonnie nodding for good measure, she definitely will ask about using the loo!
Damon visibly (and quiet obviously Caroline added mentally) rolled his eyes and sighed over-dramatically. “Of course... Vampire Barbie... you have something to add?!”
“Yeah...” started Caroline, now lowering her hand and placing it on her lap with the other. “Just because I seemed to have slept through the lesson of 101 on vampirism for dummies... Erm, why can’t we just make peace with the werewolf pack... why do we have to fight them?”
Here Bonnie nodded her head, agreeing that she too didn’t really get why a witch should be involved or take sides.
“Well...” started Damon. “Remember when I told you that Rose went back to were she came from?”
All heads except Stefan’s nodded, he just narrowed his eyes.
“Yeah well, she didn’t really go back... more like fell to pieces, literary, because of a werewolf bite that was probably meant for me...”
Alaric snorted humourlessly; which earned another response from Damon, who grumbled, “Ok, so it really was meant for me...no maybes.”
All assembled faces looked shocked, except for Stefan who shook his head knowingly, disapprovingly.
“Someone killed Rose, and you didn’t tell us?” said Elena outraged. She looked around and then said in a guilt laced voice, “I don’t want anyone else to die! Maybe I should just sacrifice myself and be done with it!” Stefan next to her sighed, and grabbed her hand after she suddenly stood up from the comfy couch they had been sharing.
“No you don’t. This time, it really has nothing to do with the curse.” Here Stefan looked pointedly at Damon.
The brother in question only replied with an exaggerated ‘pah! As if’.
“Damon!” Stefan used his best ‘you-know-you-did-something-wrong-here’ voice, and tilted his head.
“Ok...! So the wolflady attacking might have had something to do with Mason Lockwood... and it might have all to do with the fact of him being dead...”
“Killed more like it...” added Jeremy under his breath angrily. He still disapproved of that stunt from Damon.
“You killed Mason Lockwood?” asked Bonnie shocked. “Are you out of your mind? Well, I don’t want anything to do with this!” here she raised both hands defensively and made to stand up.
“Not so fast, Sabrina the teen-witch!” growled Damon disapprovingly. “You helped us capture him; that makes you just as guilty.”
Bonnie, who now was standing was silent for a moment. Then she looked to the side, looking at Jeremy who now was inspecting his new dagger (a present he got from Damon on the last ‘Lets-kill-Katherine-try’ - which didn’t succeed - no surprise here) and sighed dramatically. “Alright!” she said, plumped down on her seat, making Caroline jump a little (because she was actually thinking about something else by now), before she said, “guess I am in too!”
She looked hopeful to Jeremy who was now following the discussion again. He smiled charmingly at Bonnie, which in turn made Bonnie blush and look down on to her lap.
“Right...” said Damon shaking his head clear (because he had followed this piece of side-happening and was so not interested in what Elena would say to this development). “So, to sum this up now. Lesson 101 on vampirism: werewolves’ are bad; they get their asses kicked by us.”
“All except for Tyler!” added Caroline, jumping up again. Everyone now looked at her, before she sat down again shyly (without the blush, because vampires after all didn’t blush - because of the whole thing with being dead).
“Any more questions?” Before anyone else could throw something additional in, Damon clapped his hands together and made to walk to the front door saying over his shoulders, “let’s go!”