Oneshot: not funny!!! (Smallville)
Not funny!!!
Fandom: Smallville
Author: vodooman
Rating: PG
Genre: Humour, Romance
Characters/Pairings: Chloe, Lois, Lana, Oliver, Chloe/Oliver
Short summary: lol! Read the fic, and then later the A/N!! it would spoil the whole thing!
Any warnings: naughty thoughts! Lol!
Disclaimer: Smallville, not mine! I write only FF.
A/N: I was thinking of this as I was driving home from work… I had a horrible foot cramp while working and then… don’t ask me how I was wondering if that ever happened to a person while having intercourse with another person… and yes, I chuckled… because that must be horrible embarrassing… lol!
Dear shiverslala… I hope that you like your prompt! I know it might not be exactly what you hoped for… but I still hope that you’ll enjoy reading it! Prompt: mmmhh from shiverslala
1.
“Quickly Lana, Lois hide me!” pleaded a desperate Chloe with her two best friends. She had stormed into the ISIS main head office, looking for Lana, not knowing that her cousin and best friend Lois would also be present there.
Lois looked at her alarmed, expecting a meteor infected person to be on her cousins heels. Lana not knowing any more than Lois looked around her office and gestured toward her desk. “Under here!” she said unnecessary because Chloe had already been half there when she spoke.
A second after Chloe had hid herself under the desk an out-of-breath Oliver Queen came storming into the room. “Where is she?” demanded he with an irritation in his voice.
Lana, having mastered the air of innocents after months of being together with Lex, looked at him feigning an unsuspecting and surprised expression “Who?”
“Chloe! I know she must be here! I saw her come into the building!” replied Oliver irritation growing, while he was looking around the room, making sure she wasn’t hiding in some corner.
“Well, it’s nice to see you too, Queen!” said Lois, already on standby modus, but at the same time ready to tackle him in case he found out that her baby cousin was hiding under Lana’s desk.
“Cut the crap! You two know where she is, and I want to know!” he said.
Lois, never knowing when to stop for her own health, attempted to anger him into leaving the room and said “Ohhh… someone looks frustrated! Now Ollie, don’t tell me that you’re hunting her down to finally fulfil your UST!” She didn’t know how close to home she had just pinched. But Oliver and Chloe both looked aggravated, Chloe buried her face embarrassed into her hands, while Oliver openly scowled at Lois, and then without another word left the room.
“Alright cuz, you can come out now! Queen has just left the building!” mocked Lois. Chloe still embarrassed and a blush across her face and neck slowly came out from her hiding spot under the desk. She looked around to make sure Oliver wasn’t in the room and then sat down onto Lana’s comfortable chair, breathing a relieved sigh.
“Out with it! Why was Queen acting like a cave man?” asked Lois, not leaving Chloe enough room for anything else.
Lana, seeing how uncomfortable Chloe was all of a sudden, tried to play peacemaker. “I’m sure Chloe would tell us if she wanted to… So, if she doesn’t want to tell you, that means you really shouldn’t push her into anything!”
“You stay out of it!” Lois said to Lana, not meaning it in a harsh way, only being this direct because she sensed an interesting story behind why Chloe had rushed into the room, hid herself only to be followed by Oliver Queen.
“Errmm, Lois do I really need to tell you?” asked Chloe, her blush deepening by the minute, making even Lana suspicious.
“Yes, you have to! Tell now! Or else we’ll not help you the next time Goldie Locks comes here looking for you!”
Chloe’s blush got an impossible red, prompting both Lana’s and Lois’ attention, making them lean forward when Chloe started to speak. “Oliver and I… we spend the weekend together… and well things heated up… and errmm… we…” Chloe didn’t continue with words, instead wiggled her eyebrows, earning herself a silent ‘oh’ from Lana and a frown from Lois.
“Ok… so you and Ollie slept with each other, so why the drama now? Did something happen? Was it not good or something?” asked Lois, but remembering how perfectly blissful she had been waaaaaaay back when she had a short affair with Oliver.
“No, he was great! It wasn’t him… It was me!” she stuttered, but continued “One moment I was in heaven, feeling all wow… and then the next I had a cramp!” she replied all serious. At this none of the two other girls said anything. Almost, because Lois uttered a ‘what?’.
“My legs were cramping… and it hurt like hell. So I started to push him off, and ever since I was avoiding him!” concluded Chloe all serious.
Both her friends were looking at her, mouths hanging open, eyebrows raised, when suddenly Lois broke into a loud hysterical laughter. Chloe looked at her incredulous, while Lana furrowed her brows and tried to imagine the scene before her.
“Lois, this isn’t funny!” said Lana, to calm Lois and at the same time help Chloe out of this really embarrassing situation.
Lois, still laughing replied in between fits of laughter “The hell it is! Oh my god, just imagine it!” she said and then feigning pleasure screamed “Ohhh… Ollie, mmmhhhhh! Oh my god! You’re sooo good! Don’t stop!!!” Then another fit of giggles and laughter later Lois continued with a shrill voice “No, Ollie! Stop… Get off, get off get off!” She continued to laugh, and this time even Lana couldn’t hide the smile that threatened to reveal itself on her face.
After another five minutes of Lois’ hysterical laughter and a slight smirk from Lana, ending with Lois whipping tears away and catching her breath, Lana turned to Chloe and asked “So what are you going to do? I mean you can’t hide from him forever! He’s a billionaire with recourses; he’s bound to find you sometime!”
“Yes, I know!” cried Chloe embarrassed and buried her crimson red face in her hands, earning another round of laughter’s from Lois. “I’m taking magnesium tablets now… I hope that it’ll get rid of the muscle cramps… Oh god! I just want the earth to swallow me!”
Lois finally having caught herself again looked at her cousin and said “Albright cuz! I’ll help you! Here are the keys to my apartment, just make sure it’s clean while your staying there!” She tossed her the keys and Chloe furrowed her brows.
“Hey, it always looks like a pig stall there!”
“Beggars can’t be choosers!” replied Lois and shushed her out of the room. She waited five minutes, went to the window and watched her cousin cross the street. Then she headed to the phone and without asking Lana, dialled a number.
Lana sensing mischief pulled Lois hand from the receiver and looked at her with a ‘what are you doing face’. Lois rolled her eyes and just replied while covering the mouth piece. “Here’s the deal! Chloe likes Oliver, Oliver likes Chloe… And I like both enough to play peacemaker!”
“Lois, Chloe went to your apartment because she thought she could hide out there!” answered Lana.
“Yes, and that is a stupid approach to the problem! The man was obviously concerned about her! Knowing Oliver he probably imagines that he must have hurt her or something!” replied Lois.
Both girls looked at the phone when they heard on the other line a ‘Queen… Who’s speaking?”
“So,” asked Lois, “are you going to help me set up Chloe up, or do you want her to hide out and maybe let go of the only man who hasn’t broken her heart yet? And who seems to be seriously in love with her?”
Lana huffed and then replied “All right! But I hope for your sake, that you’ll never do something like that for me!”
Lois looked at her and said “Noooooooo, never!” She resisted the urge to snicker and hint at Lana that she was going to set her up with AC the next time a League get together was going to happen. Now she had a different plan! She needed to play cupid for Chloe and Oliver!
The End.
Fandom: Smallville
Author: vodooman
Rating: PG
Genre: Humour, Romance
Characters/Pairings: Chloe, Lois, Lana, Oliver, Chloe/Oliver
Short summary: lol! Read the fic, and then later the A/N!! it would spoil the whole thing!
Any warnings: naughty thoughts! Lol!
Disclaimer: Smallville, not mine! I write only FF.
A/N: I was thinking of this as I was driving home from work… I had a horrible foot cramp while working and then… don’t ask me how I was wondering if that ever happened to a person while having intercourse with another person… and yes, I chuckled… because that must be horrible embarrassing… lol!
Dear shiverslala… I hope that you like your prompt! I know it might not be exactly what you hoped for… but I still hope that you’ll enjoy reading it! Prompt: mmmhh from shiverslala
1.
“Quickly Lana, Lois hide me!” pleaded a desperate Chloe with her two best friends. She had stormed into the ISIS main head office, looking for Lana, not knowing that her cousin and best friend Lois would also be present there.
Lois looked at her alarmed, expecting a meteor infected person to be on her cousins heels. Lana not knowing any more than Lois looked around her office and gestured toward her desk. “Under here!” she said unnecessary because Chloe had already been half there when she spoke.
A second after Chloe had hid herself under the desk an out-of-breath Oliver Queen came storming into the room. “Where is she?” demanded he with an irritation in his voice.
Lana, having mastered the air of innocents after months of being together with Lex, looked at him feigning an unsuspecting and surprised expression “Who?”
“Chloe! I know she must be here! I saw her come into the building!” replied Oliver irritation growing, while he was looking around the room, making sure she wasn’t hiding in some corner.
“Well, it’s nice to see you too, Queen!” said Lois, already on standby modus, but at the same time ready to tackle him in case he found out that her baby cousin was hiding under Lana’s desk.
“Cut the crap! You two know where she is, and I want to know!” he said.
Lois, never knowing when to stop for her own health, attempted to anger him into leaving the room and said “Ohhh… someone looks frustrated! Now Ollie, don’t tell me that you’re hunting her down to finally fulfil your UST!” She didn’t know how close to home she had just pinched. But Oliver and Chloe both looked aggravated, Chloe buried her face embarrassed into her hands, while Oliver openly scowled at Lois, and then without another word left the room.
“Alright cuz, you can come out now! Queen has just left the building!” mocked Lois. Chloe still embarrassed and a blush across her face and neck slowly came out from her hiding spot under the desk. She looked around to make sure Oliver wasn’t in the room and then sat down onto Lana’s comfortable chair, breathing a relieved sigh.
“Out with it! Why was Queen acting like a cave man?” asked Lois, not leaving Chloe enough room for anything else.
Lana, seeing how uncomfortable Chloe was all of a sudden, tried to play peacemaker. “I’m sure Chloe would tell us if she wanted to… So, if she doesn’t want to tell you, that means you really shouldn’t push her into anything!”
“You stay out of it!” Lois said to Lana, not meaning it in a harsh way, only being this direct because she sensed an interesting story behind why Chloe had rushed into the room, hid herself only to be followed by Oliver Queen.
“Errmm, Lois do I really need to tell you?” asked Chloe, her blush deepening by the minute, making even Lana suspicious.
“Yes, you have to! Tell now! Or else we’ll not help you the next time Goldie Locks comes here looking for you!”
Chloe’s blush got an impossible red, prompting both Lana’s and Lois’ attention, making them lean forward when Chloe started to speak. “Oliver and I… we spend the weekend together… and well things heated up… and errmm… we…” Chloe didn’t continue with words, instead wiggled her eyebrows, earning herself a silent ‘oh’ from Lana and a frown from Lois.
“Ok… so you and Ollie slept with each other, so why the drama now? Did something happen? Was it not good or something?” asked Lois, but remembering how perfectly blissful she had been waaaaaaay back when she had a short affair with Oliver.
“No, he was great! It wasn’t him… It was me!” she stuttered, but continued “One moment I was in heaven, feeling all wow… and then the next I had a cramp!” she replied all serious. At this none of the two other girls said anything. Almost, because Lois uttered a ‘what?’.
“My legs were cramping… and it hurt like hell. So I started to push him off, and ever since I was avoiding him!” concluded Chloe all serious.
Both her friends were looking at her, mouths hanging open, eyebrows raised, when suddenly Lois broke into a loud hysterical laughter. Chloe looked at her incredulous, while Lana furrowed her brows and tried to imagine the scene before her.
“Lois, this isn’t funny!” said Lana, to calm Lois and at the same time help Chloe out of this really embarrassing situation.
Lois, still laughing replied in between fits of laughter “The hell it is! Oh my god, just imagine it!” she said and then feigning pleasure screamed “Ohhh… Ollie, mmmhhhhh! Oh my god! You’re sooo good! Don’t stop!!!” Then another fit of giggles and laughter later Lois continued with a shrill voice “No, Ollie! Stop… Get off, get off get off!” She continued to laugh, and this time even Lana couldn’t hide the smile that threatened to reveal itself on her face.
After another five minutes of Lois’ hysterical laughter and a slight smirk from Lana, ending with Lois whipping tears away and catching her breath, Lana turned to Chloe and asked “So what are you going to do? I mean you can’t hide from him forever! He’s a billionaire with recourses; he’s bound to find you sometime!”
“Yes, I know!” cried Chloe embarrassed and buried her crimson red face in her hands, earning another round of laughter’s from Lois. “I’m taking magnesium tablets now… I hope that it’ll get rid of the muscle cramps… Oh god! I just want the earth to swallow me!”
Lois finally having caught herself again looked at her cousin and said “Albright cuz! I’ll help you! Here are the keys to my apartment, just make sure it’s clean while your staying there!” She tossed her the keys and Chloe furrowed her brows.
“Hey, it always looks like a pig stall there!”
“Beggars can’t be choosers!” replied Lois and shushed her out of the room. She waited five minutes, went to the window and watched her cousin cross the street. Then she headed to the phone and without asking Lana, dialled a number.
Lana sensing mischief pulled Lois hand from the receiver and looked at her with a ‘what are you doing face’. Lois rolled her eyes and just replied while covering the mouth piece. “Here’s the deal! Chloe likes Oliver, Oliver likes Chloe… And I like both enough to play peacemaker!”
“Lois, Chloe went to your apartment because she thought she could hide out there!” answered Lana.
“Yes, and that is a stupid approach to the problem! The man was obviously concerned about her! Knowing Oliver he probably imagines that he must have hurt her or something!” replied Lois.
Both girls looked at the phone when they heard on the other line a ‘Queen… Who’s speaking?”
“So,” asked Lois, “are you going to help me set up Chloe up, or do you want her to hide out and maybe let go of the only man who hasn’t broken her heart yet? And who seems to be seriously in love with her?”
Lana huffed and then replied “All right! But I hope for your sake, that you’ll never do something like that for me!”
Lois looked at her and said “Noooooooo, never!” She resisted the urge to snicker and hint at Lana that she was going to set her up with AC the next time a League get together was going to happen. Now she had a different plan! She needed to play cupid for Chloe and Oliver!
The End.