There's blood beside the river. There's murder in the minds of all of us-The sign has been delivered
I HAD THE NOTION THAT AFTER I DECIDED TO MARRY AND START A FAMILY THAT MY LIFE WOULD SOMEHOW MAGICALLY REACH A COMFORTABLE STAND-STILL, THAT IT WOULD ENTER AN IMPENETRABLE, IDYLLIC PHASE IN WHICH MY DAYS WOULD BE LARGELY CONSUMED WITH MAKING MEALS, FILLING ORDERS FOR POTIONS AND INSCRIPTIONS, AND OTHERWISE ATTENDING TO COMPLETELY MUNDANE, SOUL-SOOTHING BUSINESS. I NEVER INTENDED TO ABANDON MY RADICALISM, OF COURSE, I JUST THOUGHT THAT I WOULD PREHAPS DIAL IT DOWN SOMEWHAT IN SERVICE OF MY FAMILY (AND RAPIDLY PROGRESSING AGE).
INSTEAD, IT SEEMS THAT THINGS ARE MORE EVENTFUL THAN EVER, BECAUSE MY WIFE HAS APPOINTED HERSELF AS THE GUARDIAN AND SAVIOR OF WORTHLESS DREGS, OF SOCIETAL REFUSE, OF THUGGISH NE'ER-DO-WELLS--PEOPLE WHO ARE THE VERY REASON THAT AN ANARCHIST UTOPIA CAN NEVER BE FORMED. THE LAW MUST EXIST BECAUSE OF PEOPLE LIKE THEM, PEOPLE WHO FLOUT ALL NOTIONS OF KINDNESS, COMPASSION, SINCERITY AND PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY. ANARCHY IN ITS RIGHT FORM WOULD NOT BE CHAOS; RATHER IT WOULD BE A STATE IN WHICH NO LAWS ARE REQUIRED BECAUSE ALL PEOPLES IN THAT STATE HAVE ENOUGH RESPECT--BOTH FOR THEMSELVES AND OTHERS--NOT TO NEED CONSTANT GOVERNING.
A SOCIETY THAT PERMITS TYRANNY, THAT PERMITS VIOLENCE AS A FIRST RATHER THAN A LAST RESORT, AND THAT CONSIDERS SOME ILLUSION OF 'SAFETY' MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE BASIC RIGHTS OF ITS PEOPLE--SUCH A SOCIETY WILL NEVER ACHIEVE UTOPIA.
LARKSPUR VISITED AND TRIED TO--HONESTLY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT HIS INTENTIONS WERE. I DID NOT WANT TO HARM KAE'LASH, SELFISH SLUT THAT HE IS AND WILL I AM SURE REMAIN, BUT NEITHER DO I REGRET IT. LARK TRIED TO IMPRESS UPON ME THE SUFFERING THAT KAE'LASH'S STATE HAS PUT ON THOSE WHO LOVE HIM, BUT I AM PERFECTLY AWARE THAT ONE PERSON'S CONDITION HAS A RIPPLE EFFECT ON EVERYONE AROUND THAT PERSON--IT WAS WHY I ACTED IN THE FIRST PLACE.
IF I HAD THOUGHT FOR ONE FRACTION OF A SECOND THAT THERE WAS ANY OTHER WAY, THEN I WOULD HAVE TAKEN THAT ROUTE. BUT THERE WAS NOT. I WILL NEVER BELIEVE THERE WAS. IF I HAD WAITED, IF I HAD TRIED TO APPEAL TO LARK OR TO KAE'LASH'S ELUSIVE LOVERS, THEN BY THE TIME ANY INTERFERENCE OCCURRED THE DAMAGE WOULD HAVE BEEN DONE. HELL, THE DAMAGE WAS NEARLY DONE ALREADY.
I COULD NOT TWIDDLE MY THUMBS AND SIT IDLY WHILE WAITING FOR HIS KEEPERS TO COME ALTERNATIVELY LECTURE AND CODDLE HIM (AS THOSE SEEM TO BE THE MAIN THEMES OF THEIR INTERACTIONS), ESPECIALLY SINCE I DOUBT HE WOULD HAVE LISTENED.
ONE MAY SAY ANY NUMBER OF PEJORATIVE THINGS ABOUT ME, BUT I KNOW PEOPLE. I KNOW WHO THEY ARE. AND IN THIS MATTER, THERE WAS NO RESORT BUT THE MOST EXTREME ONE. THOUGH, FOR ALL THAT, I DID NOT TOUCH THE MAN. NOT EVEN THE SMALLEST HAIR ON HIS ARM WAS SINGED. BUT THEREIN LIES THE DANGER OF ASSUMING THAT NON-VIOLENT IS EQUIVALENT TO NON-THREATENING.
HE DESERVED WHAT HE GOT. AND SHOULD ANYONE SEEK ME OUT FOR VENGEANCE, TO CENSURE ME FOR VALUING THE HEALTH OF MY WIFE AND THE ENTIRE FUCKING FUTURE OF MY INFANT DAUGHTER OVER SOME DUMB FUCKING SLUT, THEY'LL DESERVE WHAT THEY GET, TOO. IT IS NOT A RESOLUTION I TAKE JOY IN. BUT ONE DOES WHAT ONE MUST.
I FELT MY HACKLES RAISE AGAIN WHEN AVALI TOLD ME OF HER KIDNAP AND SUBSEQUENT TORTURE BY THE FOOLS SHE'S BEEN SO DESPERATELY TRYING TO REDEEM. BUT THOUGH THE COLD WELLSPRING OF HATRED ROSE IN ME, AND UNSPEAKABLE THOUGHTS CROSSED THE THRESHOLD OF MY MIND, I DID NOTHING.
FIRSTLY BECAUSE REVENGE IS A HIDEOUS WRONG; IT IS A SEEPING POISON THAT OFFERS NO RELIEF FROM PAIN AND INDEED USUALLY EXACERBATES IT. SECONDLY, BECAUSE I KNEW AVALI COULD HANDLE THIS TRIAL. SHE IS WEAK OF WILL IN SOME WAYS, BUT HER SPIRIT IS INDOMITABLE, HER COURAGE LIMITLESS.
SHE CANNOT TOLERATE THE SMALLEST PETAL OF BLOODTHISTLE, BUT SHE CAN STAND AGAINST VAST ARMIES WITH EASE. THIS CERTAINTY KPET ME COMFORTED DURING THE LONG MONTHS OF HER CAMPAIGNS. THOUGH IT GALLS ME TO SAY SO, THE BATTLEFIELD IS FAR SAFER FOR HER THAN THE SUBTLE EVILS AND TEMPTATIONS OF THE CITY, ESPECIALLY A CITY LIKE SILVERMOON, WHICH IS STILL SO DESPERATELY IN NEED OF MORAL, SPIRITUAL AND PHYSICAL REPAIR.
IN ADDITION TO MY WIFE, I FIND MYSELF GREATLY CONCERNED OVER THE STATE OF ONE SAMAN'THIEL DUSKFLAME. BUT UNTIL I CAN FIND WEIGHT FOR MY FEARS, I'LL NOT WRITE TOO MUCH OF IT. SUFFICE TO SAY THAT SOMETHING IS, UNQUESTIONABLY, THE MATTER, AND THAT THOSE AROUND HER CANNOT IMMEDIATELY SENSE IT AGGRIEVES ME.
BUT THEN, THAT IS WHOLE OF MY PROBLEM RIGHT THERE, ISN'T IT?
I AM OFTEN DISMISSED BECAUSE I AM TOO ANGRY. YES, YES, I AM ANGRY. WHY WOULDN'T I BE? VIOLENCE IS THE NORM. THOSE IN POWER PRESS THEIR WILLS UPON THE DISENFRANCHISED AND THE WEAK AND THE CONFUSED, BLEATING THAT THERE IS NO OTHER WAY TO PEACE EXCEPT TO PREPARE FOR WAR. OUR STREETS ARE LITTERED WITH THE ORPHANED, THE DESTITUTE, THE VOICELESS. OUR GOVERNMENT IS FLABBY AND INDECISIVE AND CARES MORE FOR ITS OWN ENDS AND PERSONAL CONNECTIONS THAN FOR THE WELFARE OF ITS CITIZENS.
MEANWHILE, IN THE GHOSTLANDS, REMNANTS OF THE SCOURGE ARE STILL ACTIVE AND PURSUING OUR CITY'S DESTRUCTION RELENTLESSLY, YET ALL THE MAJORITY SEEMS TO CARE ABOUT IS THE MOTIVATION OF THE DEATH KNIGHTS, PEOPLE WHO BY AND LARGE HAVE ALREADY PROVEN THEMSELVES WORTHY ALLIES. WE FOCUS ON THESE IDIOTIC WITCH HUNTS WHILE OUR SOLDIERS DIE OUT IN THE ACTUAL BATTLEFIELDS NOT ONLY FROM LACK OF REINFORCEMENTS, BUT BECAUSE THEY LACK BASIC SUPPLIES--PURE FOOD, WELL-CRAFTED ARMOR--IN ORDER TO SURVIVE.
AND IN THE CITY, THE CITIZENRY AND THE BLOOD KNIGHTS KILL EACH OTHER, OR TRY TO, CONSTANTLY. OUR POPULATION IS DECIMATED AND YET WE STILL WISH TO WASH OUR STREETS WITH BLOOD? WE WISH TO SET ASIDE REASON AND DECENCY AND GOOD FAITH AND INSTEAD SIMPLY LET OUR WEAPONS SORT IT OUT?
THAT IS NOT CIVILIZATION. THAT IS SAVAGERY. AND THOSE WHO SPEAK OUT, WHO QUESTION--THEY ARE RUTHLESSLY SILENCED, EITHER BY THE BLADE OR BY OTHER, MORE INSIDIOUS MEANS. TO QUESTION A THING DOES NOT UNDERMINE IT; INDEED, THE BEST IDEAS ARE THOSE THAT HAVE BEEN THOROUGHLY EXAMINED AND THAT HAVE ENDURED EXHAUSTIVE INQUIRY. YOU SHOW YOUR LOVE FOR YOUR COUNTRY THE MOST WHEN YOU REFUSE TO GIVE IN TO BLIND NATIONALISM.
SO YES. I AM ANGRY. I'M ANGRY ALL THE FUCKING TIME.
THE QUESTION IS, WHY AREN'T YOU?
WHY THE FUCK AREN'T YOU?