a post because I felt it was time to make one....
I haven't been on LJ much lately. I generally lack the energy or the will to put together coherent posts, and mostly figure no one's reading it anyway.
Recovering from back surgery is a slow, but steady process. I'm back at work, have been for a few weeks now, and I'm glad, though I'm still easily exhausted, and I do miss lounging around the house all day and being able to be outside all the time. I still can't do much of anything that requires the least bit of effort, but my doctors did clear me to start being more active - which means I can clean more, do more housework as long as it's light, and I can do some light yard work. Bending and twisting are still on my don't-do-it-much-if-at-all list, and, frankly, I'm kind of afraid to anyway. I don't want that disc to go "pop" again. I still have twinges of pain from the surgery, but gone are the days of nerve pain shooting up and down my legs and coursing through my back. Praise the Lord. And I can walk again, and do try to take at least one long walk a day. Sometimes it's hard to find the energy. Sometimes it's hard to find the will to care enough. But I'm trying.
My depression has deepened, widened, grown enormous in the past month or more. It's gone to scary levels. Not sure how to deal with it anymore; don't know what to do. I'm a burden to my family and my housemate. I'm of no use to anybody. And I'm pretty certain no one really gives a damn whether I'm here or not anymore. Sometimes I'm more than certain that the world would be a better place if I weren't in it.
Recovering from back surgery is a slow, but steady process. I'm back at work, have been for a few weeks now, and I'm glad, though I'm still easily exhausted, and I do miss lounging around the house all day and being able to be outside all the time. I still can't do much of anything that requires the least bit of effort, but my doctors did clear me to start being more active - which means I can clean more, do more housework as long as it's light, and I can do some light yard work. Bending and twisting are still on my don't-do-it-much-if-at-all list, and, frankly, I'm kind of afraid to anyway. I don't want that disc to go "pop" again. I still have twinges of pain from the surgery, but gone are the days of nerve pain shooting up and down my legs and coursing through my back. Praise the Lord. And I can walk again, and do try to take at least one long walk a day. Sometimes it's hard to find the energy. Sometimes it's hard to find the will to care enough. But I'm trying.
My depression has deepened, widened, grown enormous in the past month or more. It's gone to scary levels. Not sure how to deal with it anymore; don't know what to do. I'm a burden to my family and my housemate. I'm of no use to anybody. And I'm pretty certain no one really gives a damn whether I'm here or not anymore. Sometimes I'm more than certain that the world would be a better place if I weren't in it.