everythings all jumbled up.
well lets see...me and tay went to the park the other day. it was an awesome day. we took pictures and everything. then tay was tickling Micah and out of no where micah says "dada" and the look on tays face was priceless..i snapped a picture of it. he looked so happy..and amazed. it was nice. that was the best day i've had in awhile. tay was
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Why do you keep talking about your feelings for someone like no one knows who you're talking about? What the hell is the point in that? We all know you're infatuated with Tay for god's sake. You know I'm not happy about it Nik. You know its gonna hurt me and I'll hate it. But I've hurt you so much that I cant make you feel guilty or anything. Well.. He makes you happy and I can only make you fake happiness it looks like. I used to make you happy and I wanted that chance again but if I dont get it I cant stop you. But if you choose him I cant be around you because it wont be good for me. This isnt to make you feel guilty its just how it is. If its what you want then just have that.
I do really appreciate you coming here. I dont want it to be expected that we'll fight. I'm sorry. I didnt mean to have us fight and I'm sorry. It's just that thinking about us has really helped me push myself to be my best in here. It's pushed me to stay here the full time. And we're having this baby.. We can still be a big happy family without us being together, I just dont want Tay being a father to my kid. I cant have that because its my baby and its my chance to be a daddy. How couldnt I freak out about you wanting Tay? I already know that you've been with him before so why not again? And It scares me a lot because if you're with him I'll never have another chance. I dont want something stupid to happen. You have NO idea how much I want to be a dad to our baby. Please dont ever make it sound like i wont make it because I will if it kills me. I'd do anything for this kid. So instead of thinking of our family to get me through its just this kid because I dont know if i can have you and I can hold onto that. How do you know I'd give up? Not exactly having faith in me but whatever, I guess I might not deserve it or something. I looked lonely and sad because I am Nik.. It's all I can be. I didnt need you to come by because of sympathy. I know I was really pathetic when you came over but i'm just trying to look ahead more. I cant wait for the baby.. It's gonna be amazing.
Dont worry hun, Emery could still say mommy first. Our I bet our baby would. It will be a while but ya never know. At least you're getting some rest and that talking to someone is helping. I'm sorry that I've made you have to get help like that. I um.. shouldnt say anything about the Tay stuff because you probably already know that I dont like hearing any of it.` But I guess I'll see ya around.
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yeah..it was the best day i have had in awhile. i can't believe how big they're getting either....it feels like yesterday i just had them and it's been almost a year. time has just flown by and they've gotten so big.
well..i'd just rather not same the name okay? i'm not infatuated with him. i know your not happy about it. and i do feel guilty because of it. i dont want you to be hurt by it. and i know you will be. you make me happy to ike. ike we're going to have to be around one another. your the father to my baby..your always going to be in my life and probaby more than you would like if we don't get back together but ike it'll get easier. even if i want to choose him i dont think he'd go out with me because he feels that he'd be taking me away from you. and he doesn't want to do that.
i know you do. Ike everyone fights. its natural. ike...even if i don't get back with you. i want to be your friend.. i want to be there for you when you need me. i don't want to like stop talking to me if i don't get back with you. promise me you wont do that. well instead of the thought of us...think about the baby... let that give you stregnth. Tay wouldn't try to be the father to your kid. just like he wouldn't want you to try to be the twins dad. ike your going to be the father to this baby i promise. your going to get your chance to be dad. me and you and the baby can go out on days and just hagn out or you could come see me or i could bring it to see you...and you could even keep it for a few nights if you wanted..ya no? its not like your not going to be in its life. your going to be in its life as much as you want. and even if i did get with tay it doesn't mean i'd stay with him for the rest of my life...we could still get together but it could be years from now. i know how much you wanna be a dad to this kid. thats good think about the baby instead of us. ike i have ALOT of faith in you now tell me the truth...say you had just gotten out and i told you what i told you while you was in there..what would you have done? you would have went out and got PLASTERED. i didn't come by just because of sympathy..i really wanted to see you and see how you was doing. it is. you wanna come to the some of the doctor apointments with me? you can.
i know. yeah. i'm loving the sleep. it's nice...and don't worry about it. i hope i get atleast one first word..it'd be nice. you will see me around..that is if you want me around as just a friend.
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