everythings all jumbled up.
well lets see...me and tay went to the park the other day. it was an awesome day. we took pictures and everything. then tay was tickling Micah and out of no where micah says "dada" and the look on tays face was priceless..i snapped a picture of it. he looked so happy..and amazed. it was nice. that was the best day i've had in awhile. tay was awesome. it was great. i was sitting in the swing and tay started pushing me and it just felt so right. tay had fun he had his light back in his eyes for awhile and it was wonderful to see. he was just so happy. it was contagious. i think emery and micah are going to be walking soon. they are going to be little trouble makers i can just see it. i mean they're tays kid and they have zac for an uncle...they are going to be difficult. i can't wait. <3 it's going to be fun. it's a new stage. it's going to be fun.
my feelings..for a certain someone just....keeps getting stronger...and i sort of feel bad. *sigh* i dont know what to do. i just feel so mixed up. do i let myself enjoy the new feelings? or do i feel bad because of them? i'm just afraid of how some people would react. i really wish things wasn't as confusing as they are. i'm so happy right now. i'm happier than i have been in MONTHS. it's the first time i've been truely happy and not faking happiness. and it feels great. it's like being around him makes me happy. i dont know. i really do need help.
i went and seen ike the other day. i decided i needed to face him and that he might need a visitor. and well he did. it wasn't as bad as i thought it was going to be. but then we did fight. but hey thats what me and him do now right? is fight. but we worked it out. he thought he was getting out and we was going to be a big happy family...no..that is not happening. atleast not anytime soon....or later. i dont know. then he freaked out because he asked me if i had feelings for tay..and well i didn't lie to him and said i did...and that caused him to freak out even more...i dunno. i'm just worried that if something happens he's going to do something stupid and i dont wnat that to happen. i want him to get better so he can be a dad to his kid ya no? i know if something happened between me and tay he'd just give up.. i know it. he looks good...he looked a little lonely and kind of sad. i mean the only person he's talked to since he's been in there is me. i feel bad for him. no one else is there for him. thats not the only reason...i'm his friend and i'm going to support and help him through this. he's really excited for this kid. i'm glad. he needs something to be excited for...and something to look forward too. i dunno. i'm just all kinds of confused.
it sucks that micah said dada first. why couldn't he say mom? :o( theres always emerys first word and if thats tays too imma be mad! lol god my little boys are getting so much bigger. i can't believe they've been here almost a year. wow. that time like flew. oh and they are so starting to sleep through the night. YES! who else is sleeping? thats right Nikki is. i went to talk to that counselor and she helped..we talked a while but i'm going back again because i still sometimes wake up at night scared and sweating....thats not cool. i'm starting to feel better and i owe that all to tay. he's been my rock these last few months and he's made me feel safer. he's been there for some of the up all nights. he's came and layed with me when i had woken up from a nightmare and was scared to death. he's been wonderful and i dont know how i can ever repay him for everything he's done. he never gave up on me. and for that i thank him. <3
-Nikki
my feelings..for a certain someone just....keeps getting stronger...and i sort of feel bad. *sigh* i dont know what to do. i just feel so mixed up. do i let myself enjoy the new feelings? or do i feel bad because of them? i'm just afraid of how some people would react. i really wish things wasn't as confusing as they are. i'm so happy right now. i'm happier than i have been in MONTHS. it's the first time i've been truely happy and not faking happiness. and it feels great. it's like being around him makes me happy. i dont know. i really do need help.
i went and seen ike the other day. i decided i needed to face him and that he might need a visitor. and well he did. it wasn't as bad as i thought it was going to be. but then we did fight. but hey thats what me and him do now right? is fight. but we worked it out. he thought he was getting out and we was going to be a big happy family...no..that is not happening. atleast not anytime soon....or later. i dont know. then he freaked out because he asked me if i had feelings for tay..and well i didn't lie to him and said i did...and that caused him to freak out even more...i dunno. i'm just worried that if something happens he's going to do something stupid and i dont wnat that to happen. i want him to get better so he can be a dad to his kid ya no? i know if something happened between me and tay he'd just give up.. i know it. he looks good...he looked a little lonely and kind of sad. i mean the only person he's talked to since he's been in there is me. i feel bad for him. no one else is there for him. thats not the only reason...i'm his friend and i'm going to support and help him through this. he's really excited for this kid. i'm glad. he needs something to be excited for...and something to look forward too. i dunno. i'm just all kinds of confused.
it sucks that micah said dada first. why couldn't he say mom? :o( theres always emerys first word and if thats tays too imma be mad! lol god my little boys are getting so much bigger. i can't believe they've been here almost a year. wow. that time like flew. oh and they are so starting to sleep through the night. YES! who else is sleeping? thats right Nikki is. i went to talk to that counselor and she helped..we talked a while but i'm going back again because i still sometimes wake up at night scared and sweating....thats not cool. i'm starting to feel better and i owe that all to tay. he's been my rock these last few months and he's made me feel safer. he's been there for some of the up all nights. he's came and layed with me when i had woken up from a nightmare and was scared to death. he's been wonderful and i dont know how i can ever repay him for everything he's done. he never gave up on me. and for that i thank him. <3
-Nikki