Comments | _xonikkiox_: If I fall back down, you're gonna help me back up again

_xonikkiox_

If I fall back down, you're gonna help me back up again

May 09, 2006 04:34

wow..here lately i haven't been sleeping well at all.. its terrible. when i close my eyes i just keep seeing what happened to me. i can't stand this. i dont know what to do. i think it would be easier if i could just hate ike. but i can't. god knows i've tried to hate him in this past week. i've tried to hate him and not think about him.. but i can ( Read more... )

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doinitwitrythem May 10 2006, 23:32:55 UTC

Nikki...hun, im just so sorry you feel so down.Dude, im sorry!Nikki...your a wonderful woman and im sorry that you are going through this.God, it must be so hard.To be raped.Id be aching and hurting too, id be scared of every move too.And I know it must be hard not to feel safe in the places you should most feel safe.Thats just horrible.But your a damn strong woman and handling this a lot damn better then a lot of us would.Your fucking AWESOME even though I know you dont feel like that at all right now ( ... )

_xonikkiox_ May 11 2006, 01:22:59 UTC

me being down is really nothing new is it? i'm always down anymore. i wish i was a wonderful woman. that'd make my day. i'm sorry i'm going through this too but i have to suck it up because it doesnt matter anymore. it is hard... really hard. i'm not use to being this scared and it really sucks. i hate being so jumpy. i don't feel safe anywhere. it sucks. what other way could i handle it by breaking down? shutting everyone out. hows that going to help me? whats done is done and nothing is going to change that.no i dont feel awesome at all ( ... )

doinitwitrythem May 11 2006, 07:35:33 UTC

You talk as if im shittin you.I shit you not woman.I shit you not!Lol.Have I ever lied to you?I dont think I have.So why would I just say that your a wonderful woman if your not?I wouldnt waste my time on that, especially these days right now you'd think id be insulting all the woman race lmfao..so seriously..I aint going to compliment you on something if I dont feel it was completely earned.I know..and im sorry.But Nikki,your taking the approach not many are brave enough to face,most people shut down completely at that point..thank god you havent and your not looking at that as a choice ( ... )

_xonikkiox_ May 11 2006, 12:25:58 UTC

i dont think your talking shit... i just dont think i'm wonderful anymore. i use too..but now...myself esteem isn't to good. *bits lip* its not right. aww you could never insult me to my face you love me to much! i know you think i've earned it but i dont. i dont think i deserve any praise. i can't shut down completely..the twins need me. i can't just shut them out. their the only reason i have shut people down completely. because its not a choice. i would never that to my boys ( ... )

doinitwitrythem May 11 2006, 23:07:52 UTC

Well...nobody really feels very wonderful after dealing with a breakup for the however manyith time its been...plus getting raped.Natalie didnt,and kate didnt..and so I know you arent going to either.Its got to be fucking hard.I dont doubt it.You'll overcome it though.Cant say when or how, but you will..as natalie and kate are living proof of that.Alright?I know I couldnt insult you to your face, fuck..I beat myself up even thinking I insulted you indirectly just because what I said was misconstrued.Your my home girl.Fosho.And that my friend..that is why your the best mother next to my very own mother.She'd be proud of how your bringing up her newest grandchildren ( ... )

_xonikkiox_ May 12 2006, 10:36:36 UTC

it's not the break up that makes me feel this way.. i felt this waaaaaaaaay before breaking up with him and getting raped. i don't think i'm going to think postive of myself in a long time. if ever.. i dont think i'll over come it zac..i don't really have a reason too. kate and nat are different from me. no one could insult me to my face..i look to innocent most of the time. lol home girl? PSSSSSSH. don't think so. it's nice to know that you think your mom would be proud of me. your mother was a wonderful person. and its a shame shes gone ( ... )

doinitwitrythem May 13 2006, 00:40:24 UTC

I know.God im sorry.Im trying to understand.But I guess im not doing very good am I?Maybe I should put my foot in my mouth?Eh?Lol would that cheer you up?You will overcome it Nikki.You will if its the last damn thing you do.Its going to be FINE.Maybe not right yet, but it will.You do have a reason to overcome this..plenty of reason.Your babies,taylor,and you owe it to yourself,your fricken BETTER then that nikki.Dont make a liar out of me.I KNOW my mom would be proud of you and is.it is a shame, I know she'd love her grand sons to death.

It does matter Nikki.It does.And it is NOT like you to say what we say dont matter.Nikki..you can get through this, come out of it..just like you were encouraging taylor to.What makes you so different?Besides the fact you have tits and no dick.PSH my kids are NOT smarter then me..I said..almost.Ha, you wish nikki...you fricken WISH.lol.Haha yeah...well....you have a lot of shit lol coming out from BOTH ends lol..your mouth AND your ass.HAHAHAHA.

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