Comments | _xonikkiox_: I'm twisted cuz one side of me is tellin' me that I need to move on

_xonikkiox_

I'm twisted cuz one side of me is tellin' me that I need to move on

Apr 10, 2006 17:50

"See it's burning me to hold onto this I know this is something I gotta do But that don't mean I want to What I'm trying to say is that I-love-you I just I feel like this is coming to an end And its better for me to let it go now than hold on and hurt you gotta let it burn"

i love how songs can describe how your feeling more than you can. i dont ( Read more... )

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tj_h April 13 2006, 05:17:34 UTC

Thanks nikki, for everything. I really do appreciate it. And maybe i should see the boys. Just lemme know so i can make sure i look at least like the living dead. I don't wanna scar them cuz of how shitty i look and feel. I do love those byes. I do.

Tay

_xonikkiox_ April 13 2006, 05:20:48 UTC

your welcome tay. i think you should see them too! haha. im sure you wouldnt scare em. but i'll cal lyou before we come. i dont know when it'll probably be soon. i konw you love the boys. i never thought you didn't.

tj_h April 13 2006, 17:30:14 UTC

*chuckles* well if i looked like a skelton when i opened the door to you... i wonder wat the boys would do lol... probably think it's halloween

*sighs* i just hate it, as soon as i start feelign alittle better, i feel guilty for feeling good cuz i don't have her here with me.

_xonikkiox_ April 13 2006, 21:26:16 UTC

haha. well im sure you dont look as bad now as you did then. haha. the boys will probably just smile when they see you. god. they look so much like you its scary. hardly look anything like me and i did all the work.

well hon. your going to feel guilty about feeling better but i think she'd want to you to feel better. i dont think she'd want you not taking care of yourself ya no? she'd want whats best for you. it'll be okay.

tj_h April 14 2006, 03:49:41 UTC

but they act like you alot. they're beautiful inside and care so much about everyone else. I swear i don't think iv'e seen brother so nice to each other *chuckles*

i know she'd want me to look after myself....it's just hard.

_xonikkiox_ April 14 2006, 04:00:32 UTC

yeah they do act like me. yeah.. they are awesome little boys. i dont know what i'd do without them specially lately. well they already have the twin bond going on.

i know its hard but its something you need to do. because not taking care of yourself isn't good hon.

tj_h April 14 2006, 04:11:47 UTC

of course they act like you, ur their amazing mother. That's wat happens with kids. They are awesome, just like their mother. Yeah that bond is pretty strong.... i just hope they always have it... not like me and zac.

I'm trying nikki,i never thought it would be so hard to pick the pieces of my old life, before juliet existed, but it's so difficult....almost impossible.

_xonikkiox_ April 14 2006, 04:19:15 UTC

im not amazing. well they act like me and look like you what a pair. heh. Tay your bond with Zac is there you just need to fix it. well i hope they stay close all their life because that'd be cool ya no?

I know your trying. i know what you mean. my whole world is about to crash and i dont know how im going to fix it. when i leave ike and its going to happen... its going to be hard.. because he's been in my life for so long... but i think it'll be better than he's gone. because im sick of him hurting me and i dont need his bullshit anymore. But you dont have to go back to your old life before she was here make a NEW life. because you dont need to go back to the way you was you need...a different take on life ya no? nothing is impossible when you want it bad enough remember that.

tj_h April 14 2006, 04:23:00 UTC

They better or i'll bang their heads together.I'm their father i can threaten that ya no? *chuckles*

If you want, when u leave ike... u can stay here...then i can look after the boys while u get urself together. So you won't be looking after the boys all alone and they'll have their father around to help them with anything seeing it'll be alittle confusing for them at first. I wanna be there for them, to help them thru it. And to help you thru it too.

_xonikkiox_ April 14 2006, 04:26:59 UTC

haha. your already threaten em and they aint even a year old yet.

that is a mighty kind offer and are you sure? because i dont wanna intrude or anything. i dont think im going to breakdown this time when i leave him because this has been along time coming. i can do it all alone. i usually do. yeah it will be a little confusing but this whole situation is confusing. well it's good you wanna be there for them and me. and i thank you for that. your like the greatest. <3

tj_h April 14 2006, 04:31:51 UTC

Of course i'm threatening them, i'm their father, it's my god given right *smiles innocently* if they ever turn on each other i'm gonna lock them in a room until they come out friends.

Of course i'm sure, i want to be there when u walk out. I wanna hold ur hand thru it. And hold the door open for those boys. I wanna show them how much i love them. I really Need to do that. I don't feel like i've done it enough.

You don't have to thank me, i've done nothing. And i'm far from the greatest.

_xonikkiox_ April 14 2006, 04:40:22 UTC

yeah thats true. haha. or untill they beat each other into a pulp now that would be nice.

Well if your sure. because like i said i dont wanna intrude becuase your going through somestuff now and you might need alone time or something but i'm glad you wanna be there for me. but i dont blame you i mean you've had alot of stuff on your mind lately. and they know how much you love em.

im thanking you for what your going to be. your not far from the greatest..well atleast not in my eyes.

tj_h April 14 2006, 04:45:43 UTC

nope, daddy won't let them *winks*

U won't be intruding, it would be a breath of fresh air. And if i need space the basement has my instruments, i'll just lock myeslf in there and go nuts. I hope they know how much i love them, that's all i ask.

you shouldn't be thanking me for wat i am, i really don't deserve it. Well maybe in ur eyes i might be, but to everyone elses i am far from the greatest.. and maybe you should listen to them.

_xonikkiox_ April 14 2006, 04:51:32 UTC

haha. just because you wont let em doesnt mean they wont do it. because boys will be boys.

Well if your sure. you need to start making music it again. i miss it. tay they know how much you love them. even if you havent been around them alot lately they still know you love them and they still love you.

Tay stop putting yourself down! you do deserve it. i dont care what everyone else thinks and you should know that by now. screw what everyone else thinks. i think your the greatest and theres nothing thats gunna change my mind.

tj_h April 14 2006, 04:54:20 UTC

i won't let them but standing in the middle. i doubt they'll be able to get thru me, i'll kick their little twin asses if i have to *chuckles*

I know you think that, and that you seem to know that they love me. But i guess i won't feel that until i've given them enough of my loev and time, for which they deserve.

*blushes* nikki seriously, u don't have to think about me.

_xonikkiox_ April 14 2006, 05:05:15 UTC

haha. if you think that works then okay. but their gunna fight no matter what.

well your going to be with them and you can give them all the love and time you want. not only do they deserve it but you do too.

heh. i know i dont have too. maybe i want to?

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