(no subject)
My car was totaled on Friday the 13 by an off duty police officer driving drunk. 2 days later my girlfriend broke up with my over text message. Yes we're 24...and she's even a social worker. I don't want to lose her from my life, I can't let go of her, I was texting her about care of my fish, and she said she couldn't talk she was out with someone. It sent my mind spinning. I've been talking to a new girl but it's so hard to not compare everything because I did so many things and basically lived with my ex. I'm trying, I think I am, but I'm having such an emotional breakdown right now knowing I will spend another New Year's Eve alone, none of my "friends" available or inviting me to go out with them. I took klonopin hoping to relax and its not helping. I'm holed up in my room crying, exhausted, wondering what the hell to do. And reverting back to cutting as some kind of fucked up method of coping. I feel like a failure for gaining weight, losing friends, for seeing my ex in everything every day, for being upset, for not letting go, for feeling so completely broken, but going through moodswings of feeling strong. It's eating me alive. And I have nobody to explain this too. I'm really depressed feeling like I don't have the same things I did before. But also lost and confused, and I can't even really grasp it or explain it. I'm tired of spending nights alone, of spending holidays alone. And when everyone updates on fb how great of a time they are having with friends and significant others, it drives me insane. I want my ex to be as broken up as I am about this, I want to know she is as emotionally crippled by this as I am. For all the times she said sorry I still feel none of it was meant. I just hate to feel like I'm the only one left suffering. Yet I still want her.