moving foward
I took a huge step this week. My horoscope the next day said that an action I had taken the day before will be successful which, even though horoscopes are usually bullshit, happened to be very convenient and gave me a lot of hope. I'm really hoping it's not wrong. I need to get out of this hell hole, if I can get out of here for a year and get paid for it, hell, what the fuck am I waiting for? Everything about it has had some very curious timing. I made the decision to seriously look into options for going abroad (up until this point it was a lofty dream but nothing I had seriously pursued) and the very next day I saw this posting and my jaw dropped, I'm pretty fuckin sure it was a sign.
In other news, I've come to realize that I have to be weary of the things I tell to certain people. When I actually think I can trust people I end up trusting completely and blindly which I've learned can be pretty effin dangerous. I've also learned that there is a scale of trust that I need to start using - the real heavy things will only be discussed with those who will understand, those with experience or at least the ability to assess a situation from outside of themselves, and those who can offer me a perspective I may not have considered before (which is rare because thinkers nit-pick everything from all angles, and I happen to be such a thinker). It sucks that some of my friendships have lately been forced to regress to such superficial stages as small talk but when people you once trusted completely and blindly can lie to your face in the most neutral and non-threatening of confrontational situations, who knows what kind of heinous tale-telling might take place in an accusatory confrontational situation?? So I have a new policy, I'm calling people out on their shit as soon as it comes up, calmly of course. On the other hand, while some of my friendships are regressing others are blossoming in unexpected ways. New bonds are being created, or rather an evolution of pre-existing bonds is taking place. But just like how some of us are moving forward, maturing and finding meaning in their lives, others are stuck in the same old mud of high school. Thank God I'm not oblivious to these distinctions, if I was I think I'd be stuck there too.
I've made a lot of adult decisions and realizations lately about life, love, and myself. Thinking about what I really want is not as easy as it would seem. But I'm proud of myself for being calm, for being rational and for not overreacting when I easily could have let my emotions get the better of me. Now that my head and my heart are getting themselves in order it's time that I got my surroundings in order. I need to throw things away and perhaps getting rid of this material clutter will help me purge my mental and emotional clutter too.
In other news, I've come to realize that I have to be weary of the things I tell to certain people. When I actually think I can trust people I end up trusting completely and blindly which I've learned can be pretty effin dangerous. I've also learned that there is a scale of trust that I need to start using - the real heavy things will only be discussed with those who will understand, those with experience or at least the ability to assess a situation from outside of themselves, and those who can offer me a perspective I may not have considered before (which is rare because thinkers nit-pick everything from all angles, and I happen to be such a thinker). It sucks that some of my friendships have lately been forced to regress to such superficial stages as small talk but when people you once trusted completely and blindly can lie to your face in the most neutral and non-threatening of confrontational situations, who knows what kind of heinous tale-telling might take place in an accusatory confrontational situation?? So I have a new policy, I'm calling people out on their shit as soon as it comes up, calmly of course. On the other hand, while some of my friendships are regressing others are blossoming in unexpected ways. New bonds are being created, or rather an evolution of pre-existing bonds is taking place. But just like how some of us are moving forward, maturing and finding meaning in their lives, others are stuck in the same old mud of high school. Thank God I'm not oblivious to these distinctions, if I was I think I'd be stuck there too.
I've made a lot of adult decisions and realizations lately about life, love, and myself. Thinking about what I really want is not as easy as it would seem. But I'm proud of myself for being calm, for being rational and for not overreacting when I easily could have let my emotions get the better of me. Now that my head and my heart are getting themselves in order it's time that I got my surroundings in order. I need to throw things away and perhaps getting rid of this material clutter will help me purge my mental and emotional clutter too.