of course i'm caught up in 'my girl'. so are you. but itz not a bad thing. i simply am in love, that doesn't mean i've lost the capacity to love more than one person! lol. i can be a friend better, actually, because i'm happier than i would be normally. i KNOW thatz not true, about you wanting something (la da da), but it's how i felt was on the subconscious level of what was going on. like behind everything you were just like everybody else who's tried to be with me. like mell going, "there's really no point in talking to you if i can't have you again." *hides* i hate people... i never stopped talking to you on purpose. but u did? u had conscious thought like "i should call her, but i won't cuz..." whatever reason it was at the time. omg i hope i'm making sense... agh srry if i'm not?
i don't NEED you, need is a strong word! i don't really NEED anyone... i'd kill myself without my gf but most of it has to do with WANT, not really need. i want you in my life. WANT is still strong, it's just not life-threatening. i feel 'mild depression' thinking about you sometimes but it's not manic. you're never around so... *shrug*
it's NOT your fault! things happen, and we're still around... it's not like i've already gone off to live with someone far far away in neverland! there's still time. things can always change.
about giving eachother a chance? i gave you several... you couldn't handle it and i didn't want to force you to.
we didn't work NOT because you weren't good enough, we didn't work because we didn't match. something deep inside just didn't mesh together effectively and harmoniously. ugh i hate talking like that! bleh.
i was pissed at you a long time ago for making me feel like the bad guy when i thought on the grand scale of things what you did was far worse... (and i made no deal about it)... but i'm not any more. i like to push most of my past FAR into the past and just sort of leave it there. my gf taught me that... otherwise i'd be saying sorry to her for the rest of my life. lol... i still say sorry but... it's past and things have changed. ^_^
Re: magical...jamellaleeSeptember 20 2005, 14:38:01 UTC
well, i have talked to you on the phone, i thought i would feel funny but i didnt. i felt like shit for not calling you and being an ass, but other then that i was good. it was really good to hear your voice. i am glad i swallowed my stubern pride and called you. one thing hasnt changed( which i dont want it to) when i hear your voice, all my pain just.... i dont know ,it just isnt so bad anymore. you havent lost your touch. thats good. i miss that... i guess its my own fault that i lost it. well i didnt really lose it... you know what i mean.lol( you know me, can never find the right words) thats hasnt changed. i am starting to feel alot better about things with me and you. i dont feel so... up tight and... angry i guess. i still kick myself for what i did to you though.* shakes head* i am really ashamed of myself for that. i dont think i will beable to forgive myself for that one. i never ment to hurt you. i'm sorry. anyway,.... hows things going for you? i think i will call you today when you get home from school. hope all is well, talk to you later,
i KNOW thatz not true, about you wanting something (la da da), but it's how i felt was on the subconscious level of what was going on. like behind everything you were just like everybody else who's tried to be with me. like mell going, "there's really no point in talking to you if i can't have you again." *hides* i hate people...
i never stopped talking to you on purpose. but u did? u had conscious thought like "i should call her, but i won't cuz..." whatever reason it was at the time.
omg i hope i'm making sense... agh srry if i'm not?
i don't NEED you, need is a strong word! i don't really NEED anyone... i'd kill myself without my gf but most of it has to do with WANT, not really need.
i want you in my life. WANT is still strong, it's just not life-threatening. i feel 'mild depression' thinking about you sometimes but it's not manic. you're never around so... *shrug*
it's NOT your fault! things happen, and we're still around... it's not like i've already gone off to live with someone far far away in neverland! there's still time. things can always change.
about giving eachother a chance? i gave you several... you couldn't handle it and i didn't want to force you to.
we didn't work NOT because you weren't good enough, we didn't work because we didn't match. something deep inside just didn't mesh together effectively and harmoniously. ugh i hate talking like that! bleh.
i was pissed at you a long time ago for making me feel like the bad guy when i thought on the grand scale of things what you did was far worse... (and i made no deal about it)... but i'm not any more. i like to push most of my past FAR into the past and just sort of leave it there. my gf taught me that... otherwise i'd be saying sorry to her for the rest of my life. lol... i still say sorry but... it's past and things have changed. ^_^
---or i'll call you! won't that be magical? :-P
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heeh. we're growing up more, go us!
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