L.G. FUAD.
Not even two hours ago, I was pacing up and down Gerard Drive, back and forth past the house where the beer pong was lively and the drinkers were cheerful, trying to prove to myself that I was sober. I walked in a perfectly straight line on the curb, yet I wanted to call every person who even matters, and imagine that I was gazing at their eyes with my own, filled with reminants of beer, jungle juice, and hope for good memories.
I called Candy first. I told her that honestly, I was returning the favor. I called [...] without even thinking that he wouldn't recognize my new number on his phone, but still I talked with him very briefly, even while knowing I was making a mistake. I let myself ramble in a very Rory Gilmore fashion to Meme's voice mailbox, before she called back and told me that I am her hero.
While still on the phone, I heard Angela yelling from a distance to get back on the lawn. She came and told me to stay put, or otherwise I'd risk being run over by someone who didn't know any better.
She won't let me leave from this very spot, I complained to Meme as I paced myself in a circle, because she thinks I'm not fuckin' sober. Right then, Geoff motioned to hand the phone over. Meme's one of my best friends, I retorted. She knows me. Geoff had the phone in his pocket less than two minutes later.
Stronger grew the urge to call friends who had never seen or heard me this way, people who would have been assured by the gesture that yes, I'm still human. I wanted to feel forgiven somehow, until someone snapped me sober with this question -- So what do you do when you're mad at someone?
Nothing, I answer, not for a while, anyway. Then I realize, I can hardly say that I've actually been mad at someone. I only thought of times that I lectured my brother with sermons about respect, not even when relations between Eric and I were coming to a close.
Even if I had to be intoxicated to do so, I am grateful to be reminded again of the value of the people I surround myself with, and I am also thankful to be learning slowly, but surely, who or what is worth remembering.